Poem to my Boiler

In Today's Issue

A poem to my Boiler by Lynda McCraight
Central Heating Facts !??
Random Joke of the Day
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing
Contribute
Finish with a Song

Message to My Boiler – a Glow Worm on the Blink

I’m fed up with your inconstancy, blowing hot, blowing cold!

I can’t read you anymore.

Your toggles no longer respond to my touch.

I can flick a knob that gets you all hot and bothered, but

 One stroke too few and we’re reduced to the Arctic.

At night, when I’m relaxing in my room, I crave a little gentle heat. 

What do I get, honey?

Well, first you bake me, then you burn me, then I’m boiled.

Next you roast me, then you scorch me, till I’m broiled,

Seared like a chicken kebab.

Dry throat, dry eyes, dry nose.

I sweat and swelter and resort to stripping off.

Eventually, when the temperature’s lowered, you retreat

To your little cupboard, for an attack of the vapours.

 I spot the steam escaping from my outer wall.

You’re a schoolboy, caught smoking behind the bike sheds.

You emit your low, hissing sound all day long

And keep me awake at night, like no other man has.

In the morning, you shower me with tepid water, keeping all my ablutions to a minimum.

You may think all the power is yours, but -

 Just as I initially turned you on -

I can just as easily turn you off.

PING!

Facts About Central Heating

The earliest form of internal heating was in the form of hypocausts. Invented by the Romans back in 100BC, hypocausts were powered by an underground furnace fuelled by burning biomass. The heat rose to elevated floors and heated the tiles underneath. Due to the inefficiency of this method and the amount of manpower needed, hypocausts were generally restricted to the very wealthy and for public bath houses.

Fast forward to 18th century France. Jean Simon Bonnemain (1743-1830) invents the first closed water system to help ease food shortages. The toasty warm eggs upped the population of chickens and filled many empty stomachs.

Franz San-Galli patents the modern radiator in 1857. Many dispute his contribution to the invention.

Radiators are a lie. They warm a room using convection, not heat radiation.

Feel the need to flip on the thermostat come October 1st? So do you and thousands others. October 1st is Central Heating Day; the day where most people are likely to switch on their home radiators.

The advancements in modern heating mean that there are more and more outlandish radiators available on the market. Would you like your T-Rex radiator, in black or black?

The average London building has an internal temperature of 22⁰C, 4⁰C above the optimal temperature. 

Random Joke of the Day

My grandad always said 'don't believe everything you hear' It was great advice. Or was it?

That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing

Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them use to burn their houses down - hence the expression "to get fired."

Contribute

If you'd like to get your writing "out there" you can use the sidebar contact form to send me your work. It will reach a global audience of 3k people a week. Go for it !


Finish with a Song

Given the theme this is Billy Joel and We didn't start the Fire, released in 1989.