In Today's Issue


Tax 
Paradise
That's Amaaaaaaaazing
Random Joke
Word...to your mother ?
Finish with a Song

Fix

TAX 

Paradise 

What does your tax

Really pay for

Scroungers, foreigners

And the poor?

It’s taken directly

From your pay

The amount that’s

Taken’s beyond your say

But there is a gap

a big loophole

If your rich

With a big bankroll

Don’t pay your way

Keep your wad

It’s not illegal

If money’s your god

So what does that

Tax provide?

Where would go that

Money you hide?

Hospitals, schools,

Fire and police

Libraries, Soldiers

To keep the peace

Everything society

Everything we need

Sacrificed for rich

Fat Man's greed

So keep your cash

Your conscious clean

It’s not illegal

But it is obscene.

The poorest pay more tax

The public generally believe that households with the highest incomes pay more in tax than those with the lowest. However, when taken as a percentage of that household's income, that isn't the case at all.

The poorest households hand over a whopping 43% of their incomes in various taxes, a massive eight percentage points more than the richest households, according to research from the Equality Trust.

Random Joke
Narcolepsy. It's a very serious cond,,,

Word of the Day
‘Semantic satiation’ is repeating a word so often it sounds like nonsense.

Bargain Book

Did you get a kindle or e-book reader for Xmas? Then as a New Years gift from me you can now buy

my recent release, "Tales of the Unexpected" for the amazing low price of £1.99 (cheaper than a cup

of coffee) 

CHECK OUT THE 5 STAR REVIEWS -

B Silver
5.0 out of 5 stars

Great diverse short stories
28 October 2019
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
Love this writer I bought his previous books and in my opinion this is the best so far. The stories are much more diverse than the others. For a book of short stories there are a lot there, great to pop in and read as and when you want to. Read mine on the train, I laughed out loud at one point making my fellow passengers jump out of their seats. Recommended read....

YOU CAN FIND IT ON AMAZON NOW !

FIX

The 'subscribe button' has now been fixed. Simply add your e-mail and get this drivel delivered straight to you !!!

International Dentist Day

International Dentist Day

Open wide.. In Today's Issue sue sue sue ..... ( that's a big cavity )

International Dentist Day

Our Keith's Teeth

Dentist Facts

That's Amaaaaaaaazing

Random Joke ... and.......rinse

Today is the day to Celebrate dentists all over the world and thank them for keeping us healthy and smiling on Dentist’s Day.

So,,,,How to Celebrate?

• If you haven’t been to see your dentist in a while, use this day to make an appointment with them.
• Try and book it at 2.30
• Send them a card to say thanks...but NO CHOCOLATE !!

Our Keith has bad teeth

They used to be pearlers

So bright and so white

Now they’re all colours

And they do smell of shite

They’re stumpy and broken

Crooked and odd

Neglected and tartered

Like a lawn gone to sod

Keith failed to brush

Or use his mouthwash

No polishing ever

He never used floss

So now he regrets

His lack of hygiene

He would love nice teeth

The smile and the sheen

So here is the moral

The point of your ventures

Keep your teeth clean

Or else you’ll have dentures

Dentists

The calcium & phosphorous found in cheese is healthy for your teeth – it reduces the pH level in plaque and remineralizes the enamel.

60% of people don’t know that a sore jaw, when combined with chest pain, is a signal of heart attack.

Each person’s set of teeth is unique much like their fingerprints. Even identical twins do not have exactly the same set of teeth.

Did you know that your tongue print is also unique?

The average woman smiles about 62 times a day! A man… Only 8! Kids laugh around 400 times a day. Grown-ups just 15.

Academy of general dentistry, the average person only brushes for 45 to 70 seconds a day, the recommended amount of time is 2-3 minutes.

If you’re right handed, you will chew your food on your right side. If you are left handed, you will tend to chew your food on your left side. It is recommended to chew from both the sides equally to prevent jaw joint problems.

50% consider the smile the first facial feature they notice.

80% are not happy with their smile.

83% of people believe their teeth are more important to their appearance than hat, hair and eyes.

People who drink 3 or more sugary sodas daily have 62% more dental decay.

People with gum disease are more likely to suffer from heart diseases and those without disease.

Average human produces 25000 quartz of saliva in a lifetime, which is enough to fill two swimming pools.

You should keep your tooth brush away from the toilet. The air borne particles from the flush can travel up to a distance of 6 feet.

In 1994 a prison inmate in West Virginia braided dental floss into a row, scaled the wall & escaped.

You should always replace your tooth brush at least every three months & always after infection like flu, cold & other viral infections. Bacteria can implant themselves on the bristles causing re-infection.

Tooth enamel is the hardest substance in the human body. However, it is not recommended to use teeth to open bottle caps.

Gum disease is the leading cause of tooth loss in people over age 35. Fortunately, most gum disease can be prevented.

If you don’t floss, you miss cleaning 40% of your tooth surfaces. So don’t miss flossing in your oral dental hygiene routine.

More than 300 types of bacteria make up dental plaque.

That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing 

The most teeth in the mouth is 37, achieved by Vijay Kumar V.A (India), as verified in Bangalore, India on 20 September 2014. Vijay has five more teeth than the average number for adults. He first noticed that he had more biting power than most people in his late teens

Random Joke of the Day

My mum always used to say "40 is the new 30". Lovely woman, banned from driving.

Bargain Book

Did you get a kindle or e-book reader for Xmas? Then as a New Years gift from me you can now buy

my recent release, "Tales of the Unexpected" for the amazing low price of £1.99 (cheaper than a cup

of coffee) 

CHECK OUT THE 5 STAR REVIEWS -

B Silver
5.0 out of 5 stars

Great diverse short stories
28 October 2019
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
Love this writer I bought his previous books and in my opinion this is the best so far. The stories are much more diverse than the others. For a book of short stories there are a lot there, great to pop in and read as and when you want to. Read mine on the train, I laughed out loud at one point making my fellow passengers jump out of their seats. Recommended read....

YOU CAN FIND IT ON AMAZON NOW !

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07YSVC6TT…

Bubble Rap

Bubble Rap

In Today's Pop(ular) Issue

Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day
Bubble Rap
Bubble Wrap
That's Amaaaaaaaaazing
Random Joke
Last Chance to bag a Bargain

Feeling a little stressed lately.? Then, this special day is made for you!

It's Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day.

As anyone who has ever come in contact with it knows, bubble wrap is not just a protective wrapping for things. It is also a wonderful stress reliever! Just squeeze the bubbles in the Bubble wrap, and feel the stress disappear with each POP...POP...POP.

So, grab a piece of bubble wrap today, and go to town!


BUBBLE RAP

Little blisters of air

Bubbles suspended in plastic

How they get there I don’t

Know, I think it’s fantastic

Protective convex covering

Almost see through

Peek into the packaging

Your prize just in view.

But forget your purchase

It’s the wrapping raps

For it the joy of the pop

When you squeeze in the gaps

A stress release

Tiny small joy

Blahdy Blahdy Blah Blah

Helen of Troy

(I think I run out of steam a bit there)

 

USES FOR BUBBLE WRAP

Sleep on air while camping: 
Get a better night’s sleep on a camping trip. Take a 2m roll of wide bubble wrap to use as a mat under a sleeping bag. If you don’t have a sleeping bag, just fold a 3.6-metre-long piece of wide bubble wrap in half, bubble side out and gaffer-tape the edges. Then slip in and enjoy a restful night in your makeshift padded sleeping bag.

Its original purpose was wallpaper: In 1957, in an attempt to create a textured wallpaper, engineer Alfred W. Fielding and Swiss inventor Marc Chavannes sealed two shower curtains together in such a way that air bubbles were captured, giving the wallpaper a textured appearance.

It can insulate your windows:
Is your home feeling drafty? Simply cut a sheet of bubble cushioning to the size of your window, spray the window with water, and place the flat side against the glass for instant insulation. Since it’s clear, you won’t lose the natural light.

Protect Produce in the Fridge:
Line the crisper drawer with bubble wrap to prevent bruises to fruit and other produce. Cleaning the fridge will be easier too – when the lining gets dirty, just throw it away and replace it with fresh bubble wrap.

Stress Relief:
Get popping! Research shows that one minute spent popping bubble wrap relives as much stress as a 30 minute massage.

THAT'S AMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZING

The most people popping bubble wrap simultaneously is 2,681, achieved by the Denver Area Council, Boy Scouts of America (USA) at the Peaceful Valley Scout Ranch in Elbert, Colorado, USA, on 19 September 2015.

Random Joke of the Day

I met this bloke with a didgeridoo playing Dancing Queen. I thought “That’s ABBAriginal!”

Bargain Book

Did you get a kindle or e-book reader for Xmas? Then as a New Years gift from me you can now buy

my recent release, "Tales of the Unexpected" for the amazing low price of £1.99 (cheaper than a cup

of coffee) 

CHECK OUT THE 5 STAR REVIEWS -

B Silver
5.0 out of 5 stars

Great diverse short stories
28 October 2019
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
Love this writer I bought his previous books and in my opinion this is the best so far. The stories are much more diverse than the others. For a book of short stories there are a lot there, great to pop in and read as and when you want to. Read mine on the train, I laughed out loud at one point making my fellow passengers jump out of their seats. Recommended read....

YOU CAN FIND IT ON AMAZON NOW !

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07YSVC6TT…

The Cat on the Mat

In Today's Feline Issue

The Cat on the Mat
Cats
That's Amaaaaaaaazing
Random Joke
Bargain Book

The Cat on The Mat

Einstein's Cat
It sat on the mat
Relative, but true
Schrodinger's Cat
Was dead on the mat
Or was it one of a two?

Which cat is alive?
Which one is dead?
The concept within
Confuses your head

If the cat on the mat
is the one that's alive
Then how did it die?
Or did it survive

I think the thesis
Maybe perturbing
Anyway
I'm Pretty sure
The Mat was
Green.

CATS

Unlike dogs, cats do not have a sweet tooth. Scientists believe this is due to a mutation in a key taste receptor.

When a cat chases its prey, it keeps its head level. Dogs and humans bob their heads up and down

The technical term for a cat’s hairball is a “bezoar.

A group of cats is called a “clowder.”

A cat can’t climb head first down a tree because every claw on a cat’s paw points the same way. To get down from a tree, a cat must back down.

Cats make about 100 different sounds. Dogs make only about 10

There are more than 500 million domestic cats in the world, with approximately 40 recognized breeds

While it is commonly thought that the ancient Egyptians were the first to domesticate cats, the oldest known pet cat was recently found in a 9,500-year-old grave on the Mediterranean island of Cyprus. This grave predates early Egyptian art depicting cats by 4,000 years or more.

During the time of the Spanish Inquisition, Pope Innocent VIII condemned cats as evil and thousands of cats were burned. Unfortunately, the widespread killing of cats led to an explosion of the rat population, which exacerbated the effects of the Black Death.

During the Middle Ages, cats were associated with withcraft, and on St. John’s Day, people all over Europe would stuff them into sacks and toss the cats into bonfires. On holy days, people celebrated by tossing cats from church towers.

The first cat in space was a French cat named Felicette (a.k.a. “Astrocat”) In 1963, France blasted the cat into outer space. Electrodes implanted in her brains sent neurological signals back to Earth. She survived the trip.

The group of words associated with cat (catt, cath, chat, katze) stem from the Latin catus, meaning domestic cat, as opposed to feles, or wild cat.

The term “puss” is the root of the principal word for “cat” in the Romanian term pisica and the root of secondary words in Lithuanian (puz) and Low German puus. Some scholars suggest that “puss” could be imitative of the hissing sound used to get a cat’s attention. As a slang word for the female pudenda, it could be associated with the connotation of a cat being soft, warm, and fuzzy

According to Hebrew legend, Noah prayed to God for help protecting all the food he stored on the ark from being eaten by rats. In reply, God made the lion sneeze, and out popped a cat.

A cat’s hearing is better than a dog’s. And a cat can hear high-frequency sounds up to two octaves higher than a human.

A cat can travel at a top speed of approximately 31 mph (49 km) over a short distance.

A cat rubs against people not only to be affectionate but also to mark out its territory with scent glands around its face. The tail area and paws also carry the cat’s scent.

Researchers are unsure exactly how a cat purrs. Most veterinarians believe that a cat purrs by vibrating vocal folds deep in the throat. To do this, a muscle in the larynx opens and closes the air passage about 25 times per second.

When a family cat died in ancient Egypt, family members would mourn by shaving off their eyebrows. They also held elaborate funerals during which they drank wine and beat their breasts. The cat was embalmed with a sculpted wooden mask and the tiny mummy was placed in the family tomb or in a pet cemetery with tiny mummies of mice.

In 1888, more than 300,000 mummified cats were found an Egyptian cemetery. They were stripped of their wrappings and carted off to be used by farmers in England and the U.S. for fertilizer.

Most cats give birth to a litter of between one and nine kittens. The largest known litter ever produced was 19 kittens, of which 15 survived.

That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaazing 

The longest domestic cat is Ludo at 118.33 cm (3 ft 10.59 in) long. He is owned by Kelsey Gill (UK) and was measured on 6 October 2015.

Random Joke of the Day

Peacock tails: Good. Pee cocktails: Bad.

Bargain Book

Did you get a kindle or e-book reader for Xmas? Then as a New Years gift from me you can now buy

my recent release, "Tales of the Unexpected" for the amazing low price of £1.99 (cheaper than a cup

of coffee) 

CHECK OUT THE 5 STAR REVIEWS -

B Silver
5.0 out of 5 stars

Great diverse short stories
28 October 2019
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
Love this writer I bought his previous books and in my opinion this is the best so far. The stories are much more diverse than the others. For a book of short stories there are a lot there, great to pop in and read as and when you want to. Read mine on the train, I laughed out loud at one point making my fellow passengers jump out of their seats. Recommended read....

YOU CAN FIND IT ON AMAZON NOW !

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07YSVC6TT…

Happy Valentines Day

The Secret of Love

Valentine Day Facts
That's Amaaaaaaazing
Random Joke of the Day
The Secret of Love

Valentine's Day started with the Romans.

There are two theories about the origin of Valentine's Day. According to History.com, one is that the day derives from Lupercalia, a raucous Roman festival on February 15th where men stripped naked and spanked young maidens in the hopes of upping their fertility.

The second theory is that while the Roman Emperor Claudius II was trying to bolster his army, he forbade young men to marry, because apparently single men make better soldiers. In the spirit of love, St. Valentine defied the ban and performed secret marriages, History.com reports. For his disobedience, Valentine was executed on February 14th.

Passing out Valentines is a 600-year-old tradition.

Each year, kids in classrooms across America hand out Valentine's Day cards to their classmates. According to History.com, the oldest record of a valentine was a poem Charles Duke of Orleans wrote to his wife when he was imprisoned in the Tower of London in 1415.

Wearing your heart on your sleeve is more than just a phrase.

In the Middle Ages, young men and women drew names to see who their Valentine would be,they would wear the name pinned to their sleeve for one week so that everyone would know their supposed true feelings.

Valentine's Day is a popular holiday to get engaged.

This seems fitting: A 2017 study by diamond retailers found that 43% of millennials chose Valentine's Day as their top choice of day to propose or be proposed to.

That's Amaaaaaazing 

Largest box of chocolates
If you want to make the ultimate grand gesture to your loved one this Valentine's Day, this bumper box of chocolates is sure to please.

On 2 April 2008, confectionery retailer Thorntons and prop-maker Russell Beck Studio (both UK) created a box of chocolates that towered 5.04 m (16 ft 6 in) tall.

Random Joke of the Day

Every time I attend my Kleptomaniacs Anonymous meeting they tell me to "take a chair" I can't see how that is going to help me

The Secret of Love -

Here is a new radio play, written by myself and performed by Sheffield Radio.

For more, check out You Tube and my Amazon page....

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Neville-Raper/e/B0759Z1D25?ref=dbs_p_ebk_r00_abau_000000

Z1D25?ref=dbs_p_ebk_r00_abau_000000

International Clean Your Computer Day

In Today's Dirty Issue

International Clean Your Computer Day
Virus
Virus Facts
That's Amaaaaaazing
Random Joke
Bargain Book

Clean Out Your Computer Day is a day to logically review, and delete old files and programs.

Most of us add programs and files to our computer with reckless abandon. After all, computers have huge storage capacity.  Many of these files and programs are forgotten over time. Overtime they clog memory and cause confusion during retrieval and use of other files. And, some may slow down your computer.

Somewhere along the way, a (most likely) computer geek or service person, created this day as an opportunity for us to remember to cleanup and delete old and unused files.

Virus

My laptop got a virus
I was surprised that it could
I tried to give paracetamol
But it did it no good
I poured in chicken soup
It works with my cold
But it just started fizzing
And the keyboard developed mold
I stuck in the bath
All soapy nice and hot
But it did not seem to like that
Oh, it certainly did not.
And now its sound asleep
It doesn't want to stir
I think I've killed the hard drive
As it no longer makes a whir
I'll have to get some software
to inoculate it better
And make sure it stays dry
and never gets wetter.
I hope I haven't killed
my little robot mate
It the virus I didn't like
and those hackers that I hate!

About 70% of people, who prepare and disseminate computer viruses, are part of an organized crime syndicate. That means that their motives may be a lot more sinister that you could ever imagine.

About 40% of all households contain at least one computer, which is infected with a virus. That means that many of us are literally walking on ice. What is really frightening is the fact that many who are affected do not even know that their systems are infected.

About 90% of all emails are infected with some type of malware. The people that send and receive it are often unaware of what is going on until it is too late.

That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing

The “MyDoom” computer virus was the most costly malware ever made. It is estimated that it caused losses of up to $38.5 billion. That is a lot more than many third world countries make in a full year.

First human infected with a computer virus On 27 May 2010, Mark Gasson (UK) from the University of Reading,UK, announced that he had implanted an RFID(radio frequency identification)chip into his hand, which he then infected with a computer virus.

Random Joke of the Day
I grew up in a rough area. When I was a kid people used to cover me in Chocolate and cream and put a Cherry on top of my head.

Life was tough in the Gateau

Bargain Book

Did you get a kindle or e-book reader for Xmas? Then as a New Years gift from me you can now buy

my recent release, "Tales of the Unexpected" for the amazing low price of £1.99 (cheaper than a cup

of coffee) 

CHECK OUT THE 5 STAR REVIEWS -

B Silver
5.0 out of 5 stars

Great diverse short stories
28 October 2019
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
Love this writer I bought his previous books and in my opinion this is the best so far. The stories are much more diverse than the others. For a book of short stories there are a lot there, great to pop in and read as and when you want to. Read mine on the train, I laughed out loud at one point making my fellow passengers jump out of their seats. Recommended read....

YOU CAN FIND IT ON AMAZON NOW !

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07YSVC6TT…