Retirement Plan

In Today's Issue

The Big Retirement Plan by Susan McCartney
Trivial Top 10 - Heists
Random Joke of the Day
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing
Finish with a Song

The Big Retirement Plan?

When I get to the big 8 0h

I’m going to go and rob a bank

Or 2 or 3 – Barclays, Lloyds, or TSB

Don’t believe this to be a prank

I’m really going to do it

Go through with it

A cucumber in a placcy bag

Under my coat

Perfect for filching swag

I bet you’re thinking

The old goat is sinking

Her grey cells contracting

Senses retracting to

Childhood times

To consider such crimes

But a grey cell looks appealing

With magnolia walls and ceiling

With broadband and 3 squares

Clean sheets and comfy chairs

Tons of heat and someone

To do my feet

Before you rush to call the cops

Consider the poetry workshops

Opportunities open to you

To study for a degree or 2

And when I’m sick

The bucket waiting for my kick

There’s a doctor – a medical plan

A nice young man

To hold my hand

You’ll be pleased on knowing

I’ve no plans yet on going

No 4 week waiting time

To see a doc – so don’t try to say

That crime does not pay

Banged up at 80 has much appeal

Education and my next meal

Better than jam and bread in

A chilly home and chillier bed

I’m up for any adversity

When doing the Open University

Can you risk doing the time?

By joining me in a life of crime

A courgette makes a handy shooter

When riding shotgun on my scooter

A pineapple can masquerade

As a bomb or a hand grenade

I can see you snigger

As you try to figure

If she’s lost the plot

But no I’ve not

It’s my projected pension pot!

You never know with masks of Teresa

We may get away

And live to rob another day

And live quite flash

On our pilfered cash

Are you up to it my man?

To join my geriatric back up plan

Are you in? It seems to me

That for the older generation

It’s a Win! Win! Win situation!

Susan McCartney

Heist's

Top 10 Biggest Robberies In History

Harry Winston's Jewellers

5th December 2008-Paris, France: $108 million

Antwerp Diamond Center

16th February 2003- Belgium: $100 million+

United California Bank Robbery

24th March 1972- USA: $30 million est.

Schiphol Airport Heist

25th February 2005- Amsterdam: $118 million est.

British Bank of the Middle East

20th January, 1976- Beirut, Lebanon: £25 million

Knightsbridge Security Deposit

12th July 1987-UK: £60 million

Baghdad Bank Robbery

12th July 2007- Baghdad, Iraq: $282 million

Boston Museum

18th March 1990- Boston, USA: $300 million

City Bonds Robbery

2nd May 1990- London, UK: £292 million

Central Bank of Iraq

18th March 2003- Baghdad, Iraq: $1 billion

Random Joke of the Day

When people tell me 'You'll regret that in the morning' I just set my alarm for noon the next day, problem solved ..

The Anglo-Zanzibar war of 1896 is the shortest war on record lasting an exhausting 38 minutes.

Finish with a Song

This is The Clash with Bank Robber released in 1980