The Little Chocolate Soldier - David Bradshaw

In Today's Sugary Issue

The Little Chocolate Soldier - David Bradshaw
Choccy
That's Amaaaaaaazing
Random Joke
Word of the Day
Finish with a Song

The Little Chocolate Soldier 

I’m a little chocolate soldier,

Just sitting on a shelf,

And I look for all the world,

As though I’m happy with myself.

I’ve a patriotic smile,

And two big sparkling eyes,

And a sense of un-fulfilment,

That my countenance belies.

Beneath my tinfoil armour,

There lurks no beating heart,

Just a hollow shell of chocolate,

To be blithely smashed apart.

Fearful and fragmented.

Too tame to take a stand,

I would melt into obscurity,

At someone else’s hand.

So from this high up hiding place,

Out of the line of fire,

I’ll gaze down upon the sweetshop,

As I quietly expire.

A chocolate river exists

Well it did, back in 1971. The famous chocolate river Augustus Gloop almost drowned in in the original Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory film was made 15,000 gallons of water mixed with chocolate and cream.

With all the cream, the river spoiled fairly quickly and the cast revealed it left a terrible smell.

Chocolate was used as money

In Mayan times the cocoa bean was used as currency as it was considered to be worth more than gold dust. Cultivation of the beans was restricted so the value of cocoa beans as money would not go down.

White chocolate isn't real chocolate

Yes, we've all been lied to. In order to be classified as real chocolate, a product has to contain cocoa solids or cocoa liquor. White "chocolate" contains cocoa butter instead.

It's allowed to be called chocolate because the EU 20 per cent cocoa butter, 14 per cent total milk solids, 3.5 per cent milk fat and has no more than 55 per cent sugar content, you can label it white chocolate.

Europeans love chocolate

According to the International Cocoa Organization, Europeans account for almost half the world's chocolate consumption. 

The chocolate chip cookie was an accident

In 1930 Ruth Wakefield realised she was out of baker's chocolate and mixed broken piece of Nestle chocolate into her cookie dough, expecting the chocolate to be absorbed and create chocolate cookies. Instead, she accidentally created chocolate chip cookies, and later sold the idea to Nestle in return for a lifetime supply of chocolate.

Crisps dipped in chocolate exist

For a limited time only, Lay's (known as Walkers in the UK) in America sold crisps dipped in a layer of milk chocolate. The crisps had a "salty-sweet combination, along with the texture contrast of warm melted chocolate and a crunchy chip."

You can die if you eat too much chocolate

Chocolate contains high levels of a powerful stimulant called 'theobromine'. Theobromine poisoning can cause heart failure, seizures, acute kidney damage and dehydration.

To ingest enough theobromine for it to be fatal, you have to eat about 22lb of chocolate or 40 bars of Dairy Milk.

Your chocolate probably contains bugs

On average, a chocolate bar contains around eight insect parts, but it is still deemed to be safe for consumption. Anything more than 60 insect pieces per 100 grams of chocolate is rejected.

We eat a lot of Toblerones

So many Toblerone bars are sold each year that, if they were to be laid end to end, they would go on for 62,000km which longer than the circumference of the Earth.

The fastest time to eat a Chocolate Orange is 1 minute 16 seconds, and was achieved by Adrian Paul Blake (UK) in Bournemouth, Dorset, UK on 19 June 2014.

I see that London zoo have found the missing Meerkats following last months fire. However they are still looking for two chameleons.

Word of the day: ABIBLIOPHOBIA - the fear of running out of things to read.

Finish With a Song

This is Christina Aguilera - Candyman