In today's Issue

A short story by Marjory Lacy
Seagulls
Question Impossible
Random Joke
Finish with a song

The House on the Sea Front.                            Marjorie Lacy, July 2017.

The 999 call was made by the woman next door. She was complaining to the Operator about screaming and banging from next door a couple of nights ago but had not heard or seen her neighbour since.

The operator said ‘we will send someone round to check it out’. As she logged the call in, she thought that it was more of a P.R., exercise to pacify an elderly caller than an investigation matter.

A while later, the Police car pulled up at the house. The neighbour came out to introduce herself. She watched and waited while the two Officers knocked on the door and peered in the front window. The slimmest, Officer Browning went around the back and found a downstairs window was open. He went to the front to inform his mate, who suggested ‘Browning, you’re the youngest and slimmest you should climb in’. Browning, always the Action Man. He climbed through the window with ease, walked through the house and unlocked the front door, letting D.I. Winter in.

The two Officers methodically searched the downstairs rooms and found nothing untoward. They climbed the stairs, D.I., Winter took the front rooms, while Browning checked the bathroom and small bedroom, it was when he went into that bedroom that he found a woman’s body.

The first the Inspector knew of it, was when Browning hurtled past him, bolted down the stairs and was sick in the flower bed outside the front door. What on earth had Browning seen that made him react like that? Winter, went cautiously into the small bedroom, he paused in the doorway taking in the horrible scene, the elderly woman was laid on her back, she had pools of dried blood where her eyes should have been. Her stomach had been ripped out. Although he had years of experience, D. I. Winter, felt a little queasy as he asked himself  ‘Who could have done this?

Feeling the need to get out of the house, D.I.Winter went to his car to radio the Station for assistance ‘from all departments immediately’. He walked back to the house, where the white faced Browning was sat on the dividing wall. The neighbour had given him some water. ‘All right lad? ‘ asked D.I.Winter, knowing that the answer was ‘No’. ‘I’m just going for a check around before the ‘circus’ gets here’.

On entering the bedroom again with his notebook in hand, although there was nothing to write in it. The room was tidy, no sign of a struggle. The bed was unruffled, all he could find was a large white feather and a couple of smaller, fluffy ones. He carefully picked them up and put them in a bag, which he labelled, What will Forensics make of these, he wondered.

Once the ‘circus’ arrived and suited and booted in protective garments, he and Browning left. He took Browning into the Station canteen and ordered two strong mugs of coffee. They sat speculating, but neither could imagine what had happened in the small room.

It was a couple of days before D. I. Winter heard from Forensics. He had a phone call, from his mate Smithy, ‘You’ll never guess what conclusion we have come to over the old lady in the bed? She was attacked by a Seagull! Remember the feathers on the pillow? All evidence points to ‘it was the Seagull that did it’

Inspired by staying at a Sea Front Hotel in Devon, we had seen Seagulls attacking Crows over food and cigarette packets on the Promenade. Followed by, regular visits from a young Seagull knocking on our bedroom window demanding food. It even attempted with its beak to push the open window, to open it further!!

Sea Gull Facts

• Sea gulls like freshwater, but they’ll drink sea water. Two glands near their eyes drip the salt in the water so they don’t get sick.
• Sea gulls make nests simply by hollowing out a soft spot in the sand. They try to choose an area near grass, rocks or logs for protection.
• Sea gulls mate for life. During mating, the male brings the female food.
• After chicks hatch, one parent stays with the nest all the time. The other parent brings food.

Question Impossible

This is where I ask you a question, it's tough, in fact, it's nearly impossible.

What is the largest gull in the world ?
Answer below.

The wife said "whats the difference between ignorance and apathy?" I replied "don't know, don't care" 


Finish with a Song

This is Fleetwood Mac with Albatross released in 1975.

(oh and question impossible, the largest gull in the world is the Great Black Backed Gull, with a wingspan of 5 foot 7 inches ! )