Vets

In Today's Issue

Albert the Wonderdog
Vets
Random Joke
Get Published

Albert

Regular readers will know I have a little fellah called Albert.

He's part Jack Russell part piranha.....

His fetish is my underwear, pants and socks.

As a consequence I don't own one matching pair of socks and,

when it comes to pants, well lets just say, if your going to buy

adult lingerie, I can save you a lot of money, and provide free

crotchless pants !

Yesterday, I took him for his annual check up from the neck up.

Top left, as soon as we got there he made for the exit
Top right, "Dad don't let him hurt me"
Bottom right, "A needle!!!"
Bottom left, "I hate you all"

Anyway, he's now fine and back to his barky self.

Here's a little poem about my socks and him.

I love my socks

upon my feet

They make my

toes look really neat

They soak up sweat

or keep me warm

They smell so bad

like chloroform

Athletes foot

and verrucas sore

They disappear in my

black whole drawer

But worst of all

they're Albert's chew

and I have to pick them

out of his poo !!

• The term veterinarian comes from the Latin world veterinae which means ‘working animals’.

• Dogs are the most popular animal to show up on their veterinary exam table.

• Almost 80% of practicing veterinarians are females.

• All vets must have a specialty. The most common form would be a general practice with household pets and the occasional surgery needing specialty veterinarian equipment. But, others may go on to complete intensive studies oncology, radiology, animal dentistry, dermatology, cardiology, preventative animal medicine, internal medicine, or exotic small animal medicine and surgery.

• Not all vets practice medicine, some work in basic research and development of new treatments. Others, however, apply their knowledge of animals and apply that to human problems. Veterinarian science reveals that about 61% of all the disease-causing agents in humans originate in animals.

• Veterinarians are can profit incredibly by using refurbished medical equipment. Because they do not treat humans, they do not have to worry about the constant development of new and more expensive veterinary equipment that may not necessarily be better. They can take advantage and buy used medical equipment that will help them lower the costs of your animal’s visit.

• Vets must take an oath when they graduate medical school promising they will use their knowledge for the benefit and protection of animal health and welfare. Additionally, they solemnly swear to relieve animal suffering, advance medical knowledge, promote public health, and practice their profession with dignity, while abiding by veterinary medical ethics.

• In certain situations, vets can have very dangerous jobs! No matter how well behaved an animal can be, there is no way of telling what can happen on that veterinary exam table. Statistically speaking, more than half of all vets will get seriously injured in their line of work!

RANDOM JOKE OF THE DAY

So apparently Mary the raisin has been cheating on her husband with Dave the sultana. Just keeping you up to date with currant affairs.

Do You Want To Be Published ?

Get Published !!

This is YOUR CHANCE to get your story or poem in print in a published book that you can hold, read and share. 

We currently support a Mental Health charity. In order to raise funds for them, they have asked if we could put a book together containg their poetry, stories about mental health and how it effects them and/or their families.

The books theme will be about mental health, depression, but that doesn't mean you need to submit writing about that subject (but it would help lol)

THERE IS NO CHARGE OR COST TO YOU AT ALL. We are confident that the sales will cover the set up cost that we will pay up front! We want nothing from you other than your writing. We would like to have this book ready by no later than November so we can get it out for Xmas ( How nice would it be to give a present of your writing to a loved one ) 

Simply send your work to 'talesoftheunaccepted@gmail.com'....Please feel free to share this, with your own friends list so that they may get this opportunity...We've all got a book in us, now is the time to see it in print.

If you have an idea, but it's not ready yet, just let us know and we will book a slot in the book for you...

Babies of Jelly

In Today's Sweeeet Issue

Writing Tip
Jelly Babies
Random Joke of the Day
Can I speak my Mind


Writing Tip - Poetry

I get asked "what should I write about" the answer is....ANYTHING.

Here's a poem, of all things, about Jelly Babies.... I'm not sure if my American Chums have these !!

Jelly Babies 

From the shop

I consume you all,

I can't stop

You look at me with 

Accusing eyes

No if's or but's, where's

Or whys's

Like a confectionery carnivore

I chomp you down

The King of sweets

In a sugar crown

And where do I start 

On these sweet breads

Not their bodies

I grind their head !

Facts about Jelly Babies

Jelly Babies originate as far back as 1864 and are claimed to have been formulated, or created, by an Austrian man, named Herr Steinbeck, working at Fryers of Lancashire.

It is believed he designed the shape on the traditional Austrian gingerbread man and they were originally named 'Unclaimed Babies'.

Around half a century later, in 1918 Bassetts sweet makers of Sheffied, South Yorkshire produced what they then called 'Peace Babies' and these were made to mark the end of the First World War.

These sweets have always been a massive favourite among Children and Adults alike presumably for the distinctiveness in the various colours and apperance, sweet taste and easy to eat.

Interestingly, the manufacture of the sweet was suspended during the second World War, due to shortages.

The product was then relaunched by Bassetts in 1953, only this time they were named  'Jelly Babies'.

The Bassetts company was taken over in 1989 by Cadbury-Schweppes.

In 2007, Bassett's changed the ingredients to include only natural colours and ingredients in the sweet.

These days, there are other brands of the sweet on the market, not only just different sweet makers but also some Supermarkets produce their own brand of this sweet.

Barnack Confectionnery launched a sweet named 'Jellyatrics' to mark the 80th birthday of the sweet.

The Beatles pop group use to be pelted with the sweet, in the USA and UK, after it was revealed it was George Harrison favourite sweet.

RANDOM JOKE OF THE DAY

I might have a slight drinking problem..... My wife asked me to toast some bread for her..... I raised my wine glass and said "here's to bread"

Do You Want To Be Published ?

Get Published !!

This is YOUR CHANCE to get your story or poem in print in a published book that you can hold, read and share. 

We currently support a Mental Health charity. In order to raise funds for them, they have asked if we could put a book together containg their poetry, stories about mental health and how it effects them and/or their families.

The books theme will be about mental health, depression, but that doesn't mean you need to submit writing about that subject (but it would help lol)

THERE IS NO CHARGE OR COST TO YOU AT ALL. We are confident that the sales will cover the set up cost that we will pay up front! We want nothing from you other than your writing. We would like to have this book ready by no later than November so we can get it out for Xmas ( How nice would it be to give a present of your writing to a loved one ) 

Simply send your work to 'talesoftheunaccepted@gmail.com'....Please feel free to share this, with your own friends list so that they may get this opportunity...We've all got a book in us, now is the time to see it in print.

If you have an idea, but it's not ready yet, just let us know and we will book a slot in the book for you...

Happy Fathers Day

Happy Father's Day

My Dad - Albert Raper

Here is a picture of my Dad, in the second world war.
He's on the far right on the second row.

I never knew what he did during the war, he never spoke about it.
Millions of them came back, no therapy, no support. He came back on the Monday and back to work on the Tuesday.

My mum and my Dad brought 6 kids into the world, unfortunately, not all of them survived.

He was far from perfect, but as I get older myself, I recognise the patterns in his personality.
A victim of his past, a survivor of war, a worker, a provider, and like many of those who came back from foreign lands a drinker.

I wish I'd had the chance to ask him the questions I should have, but life got in the way.

He wasn't an easy man to talk to and had a wicked tongue. As time has gone by, I realise I share that trait. I suspect it was all a smokescreen to hide, to defend to deflect.

As a child we see so much, but understand so little. We take everything on face value but do not have the maturity to see below this.

Now, as I read more about PTSD and the struggles of returning soldiers, I realise that my Dad, did more than a "term" of duty, he was at war from the start to finish. I have forgiven him for his faults as I hope those who know me forgive me.

Non of us are perfect, but then again, not many of us have been to war.

God bless Dad....

Albert Raper

Do You Want To Be Published ?

Get Published !!

This is YOUR CHANCE to get your story or poem in print in a published book that you can hold, read and share. 

We currently support a Mental Health charity. In order to raise funds for them, they have asked if we could put a book together containg their poetry, stories about mental health and how it effects them and/or their families.

The books theme will be about mental health, depression, but that doesn't mean you need to submit writing about that subject (but it would help lol)

THERE IS NO CHARGE OR COST TO YOU AT ALL. We are confident that the sales will cover the set up cost that we will pay up front! We want nothing from you other than your writing. We would like to have this book ready by no later than November so we can get it out for Xmas ( How nice would it be to give a present of your writing to a loved one ) 

Simply send your work to 'talesoftheunaccepted@gmail.com'....Please feel free to share this, with your own friends list so that they may get this opportunity...We've all got a book in us, now is the time to see it in print.

If you have an idea, but it's not ready yet, just let us know and we will book a slot in the book for you...

Plastic

In Today's Issue

Fantastic Plastic
Did you Know - Bags
Random Joke of the Day
Incredible Accurate Horoscopes
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing 

Get Published !??

Fantastic Plastic

It's in our bottles 

Cup and dish

It's in the sea

and in the fish

It doesn't rot 

Or dissolve away

It'll outlive you

And your decay

A million years

They'll still be whole

Eaten by sealife

School and shoal

They'll choke the world

Suffocate the sea

All for our shopping

This deathly debris

Did You Know?..............Plastic Bag

Every second, 160,000 plastic bags are used around the world.

The amount of petroleum it takes to produce one plastic bag could drive a car 11 metres (36 ft).

A plastic bag is used for an average of 12 minutes.

267 different species of animals have been affected by marine debris.

If we joined all the plastic bags in the world together, they would circumnavigate the globe 4,200 times.

If just one person used recycled plastic bags over their lifetime, they would be removing 22,000 plastic bags from the environment.

Plastic bags are among the 12 items of debris most found in coastal clean-ups.

Random Joke of the Day

I spent all week erecting a new fence in my garden. My neighbour commented on my Facebook page that it wasn't straight so I unfriended him. That's the last time he comments on my posts!

This weeks Extremely Accurate Horoscopes With  Paul T Gyce

Hello, I've been expecting you. My name is Paul T Gyce I have been an astrologer to the stars for over 70 years which is a testament to my skills as I'm 55.

Sit back and wonder how accurate my predictions will be for you, this coming week !!

Aries March 21 – April 20

This week you will meet a tall dark handsome man, unfortunately, he doesn't 

like you.

Your lucky stone this week is Sharon.

Taurus April 21 – May 21

DUCK ! RIGHT NOW DUCK, QUICKLY...

Too late. 

Your lucky colour, now, is red

Gemini May 22 – June 21

Once again, being a Gemini you are in 2 minds, both are in agreement that

you need a haircut, but only on one head.

Lucky Animal - Push Me Pull Me

Cancer June 22 – July 23

MMMM........crab......

Lucky Sauce - Seafood

Leo July 24 – Aug 23

This week you will feel caged, Remember pride comes before a fall,

The mane thing is try to avoid puns.

Your Lucky Food is Zebra

Virgo Aug 24 – Sep 23

Virgo's are brilliant and this week everything will be brilliant because you are so great.

Everyone loves you and you deserve it. If you're not a Virgo... then tough.

Your lucky thing this week is every thing !!

Libra Sept 24 – Oct 23

Libra's are quite astute and will have probably, by now, worked out what star sign

I am. This week you will be asked to weigh something.

Lucky Clothing - A bra...

Scorpio Oct 24 – Nov 22

My ex was a Scorpio and I've never met a nice one. They are fundamentally evil people and will do everything in their power to make sure they get the house, car and your collection of "specialist" video's.... I mean what does she need with 48 video's on ermmmm my hobby. Well I tell you two can play that game, I'm keeping her underwear, It fits me better than her anyway.

Famous Scorpio's 

Crippin

Adolf Hitler

Vlad The Impaler

Danny La Rue

Sagittarius Nov 23 – Dec 22

Just what is a Sagittarius ? I mean I get the rest, animals, things, but this ??? nope.

Any ways, no idea what's going to happen to you as I have no idea what you are.... Oh, sometime this week you will breath.

Lucky Word - Meh !

Capricorn Dec 23 – Jan 20

This week, just like a goat you will over eat. Just try not to eat underwear some of that stuff is really expensive.

Lucky Saying - Who ate all the pies.

Lucky Number - 3.14159265359

Aquarius Jan 21 – Feb 19

By now I'm getting a bit tired, the spirits running through me are becoming dry. I need fluid, and ironically this is your sign. This week you will be rained on.

Lucky Fluid - Rain

Pisces Feb 20 – March 20

Why is it that Pisces is always last on the list, I mean it doesn't make any sense, the year begins with January so shouldn't it start with Capricorn ?

It's all barmy really, Anyways the constellation says that this week you will

find yourself in a room and forget why you went in there for in the first place. Don't worry you're not losing it, it's already gone.

Lucky Dating Site - Plenty Of Fish

That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing

Eight of the ten largest statues in the world are of Buddah

Do You Want To Be Published ?

Get Published !!

This is YOUR CHANCE to get your story or poem in print in a published book that you can hold, read and share. 

We currently support a Mental Health charity. In order to raise funds for them, they have asked if we could put a book together containg their poetry, stories about mental health and how it effects them and/or their families.

The books theme will be about mental health, depression, but that doesn't mean you need to submit writing about that subject (but it would help lol)

THERE IS NO CHARGE OR COST TO YOU AT ALL. We are confident that the sales will cover the set up cost that we will pay up front! We want nothing from you other than your writing. We would like to have this book ready by no later than November so we can get it out for Xmas ( How nice would it be to give a present of your writing to a loved one ) 

Simply send your work to 'talesoftheunaccepted@gmail.com'....Please feel free to share this, with your own friends list so that they may get this opportunity...We've all got a book in us, now is the time to see it in print.

If you have an idea, but it's not ready yet, just let us know and we will book a slot in the book for you...