Random Joke Archive

Here you will find an archive of "The Random Jokes of the Day"

Hope you enjoy !!

Cadbury’s have brought out a new box of chocolates for inconsiderate people. They’re self centred

umm no I don't take constructive criticism I only take cash or credit

I'm a member of a secret society for Cypriot cheese lovers. Or, as it's better known, the Hallouminati.

I called in sick today.

Someone had vomited in the phone box.

My wife said she was leaving me because of my preoccupation with vengeance.... We'll see about that

AVOID parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers switched to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally. 

I went to the Dentist yesterday he said, "I'm going to give you helium gas." 
I asked if it would stop me feeling any pain?" 
"No," he replied, "but when you scream it'll be hilarious."

I used to be in a Goth rock band called 'Prevention'.

We were better than The Cure.

RECREATE that ‘sat in the audience at a Jeremy Kyle show’ feeling by sitting in the order collection area at Argos.

Daily Mail online: "Masturbation may help prevent the common cold."

Hope so, I've got no tissues left

I got home and caught my wife in bed with a transformer, "It's not what it looks like, " she said.


I think my job interview to be a Bug Sorter went well. I boxed all the right ticks............


The woman that just drove past me on the motorway was either doing a huge yawn or her brakes have failed.

I got a chainsaw in the mail today. Now I have to send saws to five other people.

Not saying we were poor, but many a time my Mother would send me next door with a button, and ask our neighbour if she would sew a shirt on it.

I conducted an orchestra today. It was more fun than you can shake a stick at.

A new study in the National Geographic magazine says they found that vegetarian cavemen died earlier than cavemen who ate meat. But it wasn't because they starved. It was because they got murdered for banging on about why they'd become vegetarians.

I love airports! You can sit there eating pizza and drinking beer at 4am in your jogging bottoms, no one cares

My Dad always told me “Don’t be quick to find faults.” 

Great Dad, terrible geologist.

Are there a lot of first-person singular objective pronouns,or is it just me?

What's blue and not very heavy? Light blue.

I once Googled, 'How to commit murder and get away with it'. The first result was, 'Don't Google how to commit murder and get away with it'.

I need to re-home a dog. It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.

My extra sensitive toothpaste doesn't like it when I use other toothpastes.