The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow : In today's IssueSounds by Marjory LacyTrivi...

The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow :



In today's Issue

Sounds by Marjory Lacy
Trivi...: In today's Issue Sounds by Marjory Lacy Trivial Top 10 - Sound  Random Joke of the Day That's Amaaaaaaaaaazing Today&...

In today's Issue

Sounds by Marjory Lacy
Trivial Top 10 - Sound 
Random Joke of the Day
That's Amaaaaaaaaaazing


Today's guest is Marjorie Lacy.

Marjorie runs her own writing group and publishes her own Blog.
Check it out at mauveoneblog.wordpress.com.

This poem is around the theme of her recent work-group "sound".

Marjorie Lacy, South Elmsall Poetry Group, February, 2017.

                                                                                

Sounds in my head.  

My head sometimes is full of birdsong,

who, to my delight, inhabit my garden.

Or, full of pleasant music on Classic FM.

Other times on the Radio or Television.

We like the sound quite quiet,

then suddenly, it blares out an

advertisement or a trail for a programme.

When driving, the radio is my passenger.

But, you can also hear the other traffic.

Even driving around my country roads,

my ears pick up the swish and

swoosh of lorries on the A1,

especially around the accident

black spot of Barnsdale Bar.

Through the day time, the sound

in my ears, Tinnitus ringing loudly,

is masked by the sounds of the day,

But come the night time, the sounds

worsen, enough to deafen you.

Sleep becoming impossible.

My Audiologist told me,

‘Tinnitus has three stages,

mild and but comfortable,

louder and more noticeable,

extremely loud, bringing Insanity!

Trivial Top 10

The top 10 most annoying sounds in the world

• 10. Electric drill
• 9. Baby crying
• 8. Brakes on a cycle squealing
• 7. Angle grinder (a type of power tool, not to be confused with an angel grinder, a power tool of great evil)
• 6. Female scream
• 5. Nails on a blackboard
• 4. Ruler on a bottle
• 3. Squeaky chalk on a blackboard
• 2. Fork on a glass
• 1. Dentist drill

Oh, and just in case, the top 3 most pleasant sounds are :-

• 3. Thunder
• 2. A baby laughing
• 1. Applause

Random Joke of the Day

I love cooking children and dogs. but I have no idea how to use commas.

Swedish Navy detected underwater sounds that they suspected to be hostile Russian submarines in the 1980s. The suspicion escalated to a diplomatic conflict between Sweden and Russia. It turned out later that these sounds came from fish farts, a discovery which led to the Ig Nobel Prize.

Finish with a Song

Given the theme here is Nick Lowe with I Love the Sound of Breaking Glass, released in 1978 !

In today's Issue

Sounds by Marjory Lacy
Trivial Top 10 - Sound 
Random Joke of the Day
That's Amaaaaaaaaaazing


Today's guest is Marjorie Lacy.

Marjorie runs her own writing group and publishes her own Blog.
Check it out at mauveoneblog.wordpress.com.

This poem is around the theme of her recent work-group "sound".

Marjorie Lacy, South Elmsall Poetry Group, February, 2017.

                                                                                

Sounds in my head.  

My head sometimes is full of birdsong,

who, to my delight, inhabit my garden.

Or, full of pleasant music on Classic FM.

Other times on the Radio or Television.

We like the sound quite quiet,

then suddenly, it blares out an

advertisement or a trail for a programme.

When driving, the radio is my passenger.

But, you can also hear the other traffic.

Even driving around my country roads,

my ears pick up the swish and

swoosh of lorries on the A1,

especially around the accident

black spot of Barnsdale Bar.

Through the day time, the sound

in my ears, Tinnitus ringing loudly,

is masked by the sounds of the day,

But come the night time, the sounds

worsen, enough to deafen you.

Sleep becoming impossible.

My Audiologist told me,

‘Tinnitus has three stages,

mild and but comfortable,

louder and more noticeable,

extremely loud, bringing Insanity!

Trivial Top 10

The top 10 most annoying sounds in the world

• 10. Electric drill
• 9. Baby crying
• 8. Brakes on a cycle squealing
• 7. Angle grinder (a type of power tool, not to be confused with an angel grinder, a power tool of great evil)
• 6. Female scream
• 5. Nails on a blackboard
• 4. Ruler on a bottle
• 3. Squeaky chalk on a blackboard
• 2. Fork on a glass
• 1. Dentist drill

Oh, and just in case, the top 3 most pleasant sounds are :-

• 3. Thunder
• 2. A baby laughing
• 1. Applause

Random Joke of the Day

I love cooking children and dogs. but I have no idea how to use commas.

Swedish Navy detected underwater sounds that they suspected to be hostile Russian submarines in the 1980s. The suspicion escalated to a diplomatic conflict between Sweden and Russia. It turned out later that these sounds came from fish farts, a discovery which led to the Ig Nobel Prize.

Finish with a Song

Given the theme here is Nick Lowe with I Love the Sound of Breaking Glass, released in 1978 !

The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow : In Today's IssueSundayFacts about SundayRa...

The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow :



In Today's Issue

Sunday
Facts about Sunday
Ra...: In Today's Issue Sunday Facts about Sunday Random Joke of the Day That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing Finish with a Song ...

In Today's Issue

Sunday
Facts about Sunday
Random Joke of the Day
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing
Finish with a Song

Sunday service

tea and toast

Father son and 

Holy ghost

A long lay in

and slap and tickle

Sunday roast and 

a cheeky pickle

A pint in the pub

or wash the car

coffee cup

and cookie jar

A nap after lunch

a snooze in the sun

Enjoy your time,

your work is done

Facts About Sunday

In Hebrew, Arabic, Persian and related languages, the word 'Sunday' means 'first'.

The Greek name for Sunday is Κυριακή (Kyriake) which means "Lord's Day".

In French, Spanish, Portuguese and Italian 'Sunday' also means "Lord's Day". Derived from Latin; Dies Dominica.

The Russian word for Sunday is "Voskresenie," meaning "Resurrection day".

In some languages (Polish, Ukrainian) 'sunday' can be translated as "without acts".

Sunday was the day of the Sun god in Roman culture. The days of the week were named after planets in Pagan origins.

Rome's Emperor Constantine I decreed in 321 AD that Sunday would be observed as the Roman day of rest.

If a month begins on a Sunday it always has a 'Friday the 13th' in it.

In some countries (mostly in the Middle-East) the work week begins on Sunday.

Random Joke of the Day

Every time I attend my Kleptomaniacs Anonymous meeting they tell me to "take a chair" I can't see how that is going to help me

Did you know that 25% of the bones in your body are in your feet !

Finish with a Song

This is The Commodores with Easy, released in 1977 ( 40 years ago !!!!! )

In Today's Issue

&^%$^^$£"$! Virus
Trivial Top 10
Random Joke of the Day
That's Amaaaaaaaazing
Finish with a Song

Virus

Sorry to be late this week, my Lap Top has caught a cold. The little blighter took over and wouldn't let me get into my own bloomin files!

My laptop got a virus
I was surprised that it could
I tried to give paracetamol
But it did it no good

I poured in chicken soup
It works with my cold
But it just started fizzing
And the keyboard developed mold

I stuck in the bath
All soapy nice and hot
But it did not seem to like that
Oh it certainly did not.

And now its sound asleep
It doesn't want to stir
I think I've killed the hardrive
As it no longer makes a whir

I'll have to get some software
to inoculate it better
And make sure it stays dry
and never gets wetter.

I hope I haven't killed
my little robot mate
It the virus I didn't like
and those hackers that I hate !

TOP 10 Worse Computer Viruses of ALL Time 
(Source Telegraph Newspaper)

1. The Morris worm

In 1998 Robert Morris, a university student, unleashed a worm which affected 10 per cent of all the computers connected to the internet (at the time the net was estimated to consist of 60,000 computers), slowing them down to a halt. Morris is now an associate professor at MIT.

2. The Concept virus

The Concept virus, accidentally shipped on a CD-ROM supplied by Microsoft in 1995, was the first virus to infect Microsoft Word documents. Within days it became the most widespread virus the world had ever seen, taking advantage of the fact that computer users shared documents via email.

3. CIH

The Chernobyl virus (also known as CIH) triggers on April 26 each year, the anniversary of the Chernobyl nuclear disaster. It overwrites a chip inside PCs effectively paralysing the entire computer. Its author, Chen Ing Hau, was caught by the authorities in Taiwan.

4. The Anna Kournikova worm

The Anna Kournikova worm posed as a picture of the tennis player, but was in fact a virus written by Jan de Wit, an obsessed admirer from the Netherlands. He ended up receiving a community service sentence.

5. ILOVEYOU

The Love Bug flooded internet users with ILOVEYOU messages in May 2000, forwarding itself to everybody in the user's address book. It was designed to steal internet access passwords for its Filipino creator.

6. The Melissa virus

The Melissa virus, written by David L Smith in homage to a Florida stripper, was the first successful email-aware virus and inserted a quote from The Simpsons in to Word documents. Smith was later sentenced to jail for causing over $80 million worth of damage.

7. The Blaster Worm

The Blaster worm launched a denial of service attack against Microsoft's website in 2003, and infected millions of computers around the world by exploiting a security hole in Microsoft's software. Its author has never been found.

8. Netsky and Sasser

Sven Jaschan, a German teenager, was found guilty of writing the Netsky and Sasser worms. Jaschan was found to be responsible for 70 per cent of all the malware seen spreading over the internet at the time, but escaped prison and was eventually hired by a security company as an "ethical hacker".

9. OSX/RSPlug Trojan

In November 2007, the first example of financially-motivated malware for Apple Macs was discovered in the wild. The launch of the OSX/RSPlug Trojan increased fears that Apple's platform may be targeted more by hackers in the future.

10. Storm worm

The Storm worm, originally posing as breaking news of bad weather hitting Europe, infected computers around the world in 2007. Millions of infected PCs were taken over by hackers and used to spread spam and steal identities.

Random Joke of the Day

Missing.... black and white cat wearing a red collar goes by the name of Mittens, very intelligent. Mittens if you're reading this please call, we are very worried.

That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing !

There are more bacteria in your mouth than they are people in the world !


Finish with a Song

Given the theme this is Billy Ray 'VIRUS' with Achy Breaky Heart released in 1992.

The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow : In Today's IssueFool by Sharon ShieldsQuest...

The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow :



In Today's Issue

Fool by Sharon Shields
Quest...: In Today's Issue Fool by Sharon Shields Question Impossible Top 5 April Fool Pranks Random Joke of The Day Finish with ...

The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow : In Today's IssueFool by Sharon ShieldsQuest...

The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow :



In Today's Issue

Fool by Sharon Shields
Quest...: In Today's Issue Fool by Sharon Shields Question Impossible Top 5 April Fool Pranks Random Joke of The Day Finish with ...

In Today's Issue

Fool by Sharon Shields
Question Impossible
Top 5 April Fool Pranks
Random Joke of The Day
Finish with a Song

This is a poignant Poem and I'm sure will strike a chord with many of you out there !

Fool

And I think I'm entitled to love

Fool!

It bypasses me

takes detours

stops at other places

other hearts

and leaves me

alone

wandering

looking in the wrong places

at the wrong people

in the hope that one day

I won't be that fool

Sharon Shields

Question Impossible

This is where I ask you a tough question, in fact it's nearly impossible.
What was voted as the best joke of the Edinburgh Fringe in 2016?

Answer below

Top 5 Best April Fool Jokes of All Time

The Taco Liberty Bell

In 1996, Taco Bell announced they had bought the naming rights to the Liberty Bell.

Henceforth it would be known as The Taco Liberty Bell.

Outraged citizens jammed the phone lines in protest.

That Floating Feeling

In 1976, the BBC aired an interview with an astronomer. He told listeners that at precisely 9:47 AM the planets Jupiter and Pluto would be in a rare alignment that would briefly diminish the earth’s gravity.

He further said that if you leapt into the air at that exact moment, you would experience a fantastic floating sensation.

Hundreds of people called in to say they felt it.

Reset Your Clocks!

In 1975 Australian television announced the country would be converting to metric time. There would now be 100 seconds to a minute, 100 minutes to an hour, and 20 days in a month.

The town Hall was shown with a 10-hour metric clock face. The deputy premiere played along with the prank and extolled the virtues of the new system.

The Dud

In 1915 a French World War I pilot flew over the German lines and dropped what appeared to be a huge bomb. The German soldiers scattered, but nothing exploded.

When they cautiously approached the bomb, what they found was a football.

Attached to it was a note that said, “April Fool!"

Grow Your Own

Here's a great one. Stodgy old BBC informed their viewers of some good news. Great weather and low numbers of the dreaded "spaghetti weevil" meant farmers in Switzerland were harvesting one of their best spaghetti crops ever.

The BBC even manufactured some film footage of Swiss farm workers pulling spaghetti noodles from trees.

They got huge numbers of callers wanting to know how they could grow their own.

BBC told them to plant a piece of spaghetti in a bowl of tomato sauce and see what happened.

Random Joke of the Day

I've been diagnosed today with a morbid fear of giants, I have FeeFi Phobia..

Question Impossible - The answer

I asked - What was voted as the best joke of the Edinburgh Fringe in 2016?

Comedian Masai Graham won with the gag: "My dad suggested I register for a donor card, he's a man after my own heart."


Finish with a Song

Given the theme this is Chris Rea with 'Fool if you think it's over' released in 1978