The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow : Bus Detective

The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow : Bus Detective: In Today's Issue Bus Detective Sherlock That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing Funny Fobia Word Random Joke Finish with a So...

The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow : Bus Detective

The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow : Bus Detective: In Today's Issue Bus Detective Sherlock That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing Funny Fobia Word Random Joke Finish with a So...

Bus Detective

In Today's Issue

Bus Detective
Sherlock
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing
Funny Fobia
Word
Random Joke
Finish with a Song


Here is something new and experimental, let me know if you like it..

So, I’m sitting on a bus. The first time for many years, I marvel at its technology, from USB to WiFi. But, for all the changes, the passengers do seem to be the same.

I have often been told that my writing shows a talent for observation. I do like to watch, almost as much as I like to talk.

So I use this trip as an act of experimentation. What can I observe? What can I deduce? Sherlock on his way home(s).

In front of me sits a woman, early forties I suspect. Her coat, smart and constructed of wool, looks about five years out of date. The collar is slightly frayed. Her hair is swept back but is well conditioned, a slight smell of coconut. Her clothes, neat and tidy, appear to be quality made but again are not as fashionable as I think a woman of this age would wear. Physically, she appears to look after herself but looks tired, dark rings beneath her eyes. Her fingernails neat, but show evidence of being chewed. Her tummy shows a slight swell, the typical physicality of a woman who has gone through childbirth at least once.

Her shoes neat and simple, no great heel and show no sign of great wear. Her fingers show no rings. I look as closely as I dare and notice an indentation where a wedding ring may have been.

She occasionally checks her phone. A smart one, but not up to date. She does not check any websites just messages. This would suggest that her contract may be small or pay as you go to keep her costs down.

The coat and clothes show that no great expense has been spent, but that was perhaps two or three years ago. Shoes worn, but not so much; this suggests a person who doesn’t walk in these shoes, a car owner?

No rings. I conclude that she is divorced and has not done well from the split. A shortage of money to update her wardrobe and perhaps a recent change of circumstances concerning her car. Perhaps it is in for repair, or she has had to shelve it due to cost. She is a Mother of at least one teenager. The tiredness and anxiousness showed by her nails suggest trouble at home. An unruly teen, angry at her split with the father or financial arguments.

Opposite the bus aisle sits a young man. Blonde hair shaved at the sides and piled on top of his head, the identifying quiff of a hipster. He is, however, cleanly shaven. His left ear shows a piercing but contains no earring; it has been removed.

He is wearing a grey suit. The shoulders are slightly too big for the man; the suit also appears to be manufactured of manmade fibres, a mix of cotton and lycra. It is not wool. The fact that its slightly ill-fitting suggests it is ‘off the shelf’ rather than made to measure. The construction and fabric would seem to suggest a supermarket suit. His shirt, although clean is a tarnished white. He wears no cufflinks as there appear to be no holes for them in the cuffs, again suggesting a cheaper manufactured shirt. The cuffs show sign of wear underneath seeming to suggest that they rub against a surface regularly.

Shoe leather uppers but rubber soles. Not dirty but not polished.He carries a carrier bag with a store logo on it. The bag contains the square outline of what appears to be a lunch box. He has yet to look up from his phone, a new up to date iPhone, I see facebook and twitter pop up as well as other sites I do not recognise. I think this young man is in retail, he is certainly ‘front of house’ as the fact he is clean shaven and without an earring suggests. He carries no briefcase but rather a carrier bag this reinforces my idea that he is not an ‘office worker’. Given his age and cash he has to spend on a phone, I would assume he lives at home.

The bus trundles on, would I make a detective?

The Top 10 Portrayals Of Sherlock Holmes

10. Ellie Norwood

Norwood played Holmes in 47 silent films ! He was the first actor to bring Holmes from the page and onto film.

9. Nicholas Rowe

Nicholas Rowe was the star of the 1985 Steven Spielberg movie Young Sherlock Holmes.

8. Tom Baker

A year after leaving Doctor Who, Baker was invited to play Holmes by his former producer Barry Letts. The 1982 BBC television production of The Hound Of The Baskervilles, 

7. Arthur Wontner

Arthur Wontner won the role of Holmes having played Sexton Blake, a character seen as a flattering imitation of the Baker Street detective. Wontner earned appreciation from staunch Holmes experts, including Conan Doyle’s wife.

6. Douglas Wilmer

Douglas Wilmer became the first television Sherlock Holmes when the BBC produced The Speckled Band in 1964.

5. Robert Downey Jr

Over the course of two Guy Ritchie films, Sherlock Holmes (2009) and Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows (2011), the magnetic personality of Robert Downey Jr has allowed his rather crass, cynical, yet likeable portrayal of the master detective to be enjoyed by cinema-goers across the world.

4. Peter Cushing

Although Peter Cushing first portrayed Holmes in the 1959 Hammer version of The Hound Of The Baskervilles, he is perhaps better remembered for the 16-episode, 1968 BBC series, Sir Arthur Conan-Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes, when he replaced Douglas Wilmer as the Baker Street sleuth. Even as late as 1984, Cushing appeared as Holmes in the TV movie The Masks Of Death.

3. Basil Rathbone

Arguably the actor most commonly identified with Sherlock Holmes on film, Sir Basil Rathbone made 14 Sherlock Holmes movies between 1939 and 1946, creating the deerstalker and cape look in the process.

2. Benedict Cumberbatch

Star of the current BBC series Sherlock, Benedict Cumberbatch is Holmes for the 21st century.

1. Jeremy Brett

The sorely-missed Jeremy Brett was a genuine one-off – an actor of immense skill and intense personality. In 1984 Granada television, fresh from the success of The Jewel In The Crown, produced an equally superb television adaptation of Sherlock Holmes. Supported first by David Burke and then Edward Hardwicke, both intelligent and thoughtful as Watson, Jeremy Brett made Sherlock Holmes so much his own that any fresh television adaptation would have to approach Conan Doyle’s work from a very different direction.

21% of the UK population think Sherlock Holmes was a real person.

Hodophobia is the fear of road travel.

Word of the day: CRYTOSCOPOPHILIA - The urge to look through people’s windows as you pass their houses.

You know what I hate? People who answer their own questions

Finish with a Song - This is Elvis Costello with Watching the Detectives

The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow : Change

The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow : Change: In Today's Issue Change That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaazing Trivial Top 10 Word Funny Fobia Random Joke Finish with a Song ...

The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow : Change

The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow : Change: In Today's Issue Change That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaazing Trivial Top 10 Word Funny Fobia Random Joke Finish with a Song ...

The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow : Change

The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow : Change: In Today's Issue Change That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaazing Trivial Top 10 Word Funny Fobia Random Joke Finish with a Song ...

Change

In Today's Issue

Change
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaazing
Trivial Top 10
Word
Funny Fobia
Random Joke
Finish with a Song

I change the clocks

Twice a year

They mark the seasons

On this hemisphere

I change my socks

I change my shirt

To a quiet one

Not so extrovert

I change my mind

All the time

I change the rhythm

And the rhyme

♪ Ch Ch Ch Changes ♪

Turn and face the Strange

Ch Ch Ch Changes

♪ Don’t wanna be a richer man ♪

I change gear

Fifth to first

I once hit a wall

I’d hit reverse

I’d change the world

If I could

What would you change?

Do you think you should?

Nutella was invented during WWII, when an Italian pastry maker mixed hazelnuts into chocolate to extend his chocolate ration.

Video Sales Peaked in 1982, here is a list of the top 10 biggest sellers in 1982, did you own one ?

10 - Jane Fonda's Workout

9 - Raging Bull

8 - Casablanca

7 - Kramer Vs Kramer

6 - The Blue Lagoon

5 - The Jazz Singer

4 - Stir Crazy

3 - Atlantic City

2 - An American Werewolf in London

1 - Clash of the Titans

CRYTOSCOPOPHILIA - The urge to look through people’s windows as you pass their houses.

Metathesiophobia. The fear of change or changing

I conducted an orchestra today. It was more fun than you can shake a stick at.

Finish With a Song

This is David Bowie with Changes

The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow : The Time Thief - David Bradshaw

The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow : The Time Thief - David Bradshaw: In Today's Issue The Time Thief -  David Bradshaw Time....this will blow your mind Random Joke Funny Fobia Finish wit...

The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow : The Time Thief - David Bradshaw

The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow : The Time Thief - David Bradshaw: In Today's Issue The Time Thief -  David Bradshaw Time....this will blow your mind Random Joke Funny Fobia Finish wit...

The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow : The Time Thief - David Bradshaw

The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow : The Time Thief - David Bradshaw: In Today's Issue The Time Thief -  David Bradshaw Time....this will blow your mind Random Joke Funny Fobia Finish wit...

The Time Thief - David Bradshaw

In Today's Issue

The Time Thief - David Bradshaw

Time....this will blow your mind

Random Joke

Funny Fobia

Finish with a Song

Time Thief

  

Who is the time thief?

That slippery snake,

That frock coated blaggard,

Time’s not his to take.

He hides in plain sight,

In the old mantle clock,

Ensconced in the spaces,

'Tween the tick and the tock.

He sneaks out at nightfall,

And takes just a minute,

Then appraises the scene,

For the time left within it.

He's a disciplined pilferer,

Skilled at his crime.

So few people notice,

For he just takes the time.

Put the clocks forward,

Put the clocks back.

The time thief cares not,

For he picks up the slack.

The unguarded hour,

The seldom seen seconds.

They’re all stolen goods,

When this ne'er-do-well beckons.

Who knows why he does it?

What he does with the stuff?

But the time thief's the reason,

There's never enough.

Time passes faster for your face than for your feet (assuming you're standing up). Einstein's theory of relativity dictates that the closer you are to the centre of the Earth, the slower time goes – and this has been measured. At the top of Mount Everest, a year would be about 15 microseconds shorter than at sea level.

A second isn't what you think it is. Scientifically, it's not defined as 1/60th of a minute, but as "the duration of 9,192,631,770 periods of the radiation corresponding to the transition between the two hyperfine levels of the ground state of the caesium 133 atom".

What you think of as a day – how long it takes the Earth to rotate – isn't 24 hours. It's 23 hours, 56 minutes and 4.2 seconds. The reason it's 24 hours from sunrise to sunrise is because every day the Earth moves further in its orbit round the sun – and the change in its position lengthens the day slightly.

When the dinosaurs were alive, there were 370 days in a year. The Earth's spin is getting slower because the moon's gravity is acting as a drag, so days are getting longer, by about 1.7 milliseconds per century.

The smallest standard scientific measure of time is the "Planck time". It takes you about five hundred and fifty thousand trillion trillion trillion Planck times to blink once, quickly.

On Mercury, a day is two years long

There's no such thing as "now" as far as physics is concerned. Space and time are fluid, affected by gravity and your speed. Einstein put it like this: "For us physicists, the distinction between past, present and future is only an illusion, however persistent."

Because light takes time to reach us, everything we see is in the past. The sun you can see out of the window is 8 minutes and 20 seconds old. The light from our nearest star, Proxima Centauri, is 4 years old.

New experiences really do seem to be longer in the memory than familiar ones. It's called the "oddball effect", and it seems to be why time feels like it's going faster as you get older – because more stuff is familiar to you.

Time passes slower the faster you move. If you flew to the star Sirius at 99% of the speed of light, then flew back again, the people you left behind on Earth would have aged more than 17 years. But you would have aged less than two and a half years.

The universe is 13.8 billion years old, give or take. If we compressed that into a year – with the Big Bang happening at 00:00:01 on 1 January – then the dinosaurs would be wiped out on 29 December, and modern humans would appear at 11:54pm. Christopher Columbus would sail across the Atlantic one second before midnight.

The oldest known object on Earth is a 4.4-billion-year-old crystal, a zircon, that was found in Jack Hills in Western Australia. It's only 160 million years younger than the Earth itself.

The reason clocks show the same time across whole countries is that it makes train timetables easier to run. Until the 19th century, towns set their clocks by the local noon, so clocks in Bristol would be 11 minutes behind London. That meant people kept missing their trains, so railway companies began using standard, London-based UK time, starting with the Great Western Railway in 1840.

Time might be grinding to a halt. Distant galaxies appear to be moving faster than nearby ones, suggesting that the universe is accelerating as it expands. The usual theory to explain that is a mysterious force in the universe known as "dark energy". But a Spanish physicist has proposed an alternative possibility, that the further-away, older galaxies only seem to be moving faster because in the past, time was faster. If he's right, in a few billion years, "everything will be frozen, like a snapshot of one instant, forever".

Breaking News: Man born without stomach wins Nobelly Prize

Chronophobia is a specific psychological phobia which manifests itself as a persistent, abnormal and unwarranted fear of time or of the passing of time. A related but much rarer phobia is chronomentrophobia, the irrational fear of clocks and watches.

Finish with a Song - This is Cyndi Lauper - Time After Time

The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow : I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here

The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow : I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here: In Today's Issue I'm a Celebrity...Get Out of Me ! Random Joke Finish with a Song A comment on the 'I'm a C...

The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow : I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here

The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow : I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here: In Today's Issue I'm a Celebrity...Get Out of Me ! Random Joke Finish with a Song A comment on the 'I'm a C...

The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow : I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here

The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow : I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here: In Today's Issue I'm a Celebrity...Get Out of Me ! Random Joke Finish with a Song A comment on the 'I'm a C...

The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow : I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here

The Thoughts of Chairman Anyhow : I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here: In Today's Issue I'm a Celebrity...Get Out of Me ! Random Joke Finish with a Song A comment on the 'I'm a C...

I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here

In Today's Issue

I'm a Celebrity...Get Out of Me !
Random Joke
Finish with a Song

A comment on the 'I'm a Celebrity'.....Marjory Lacy

But, there are so many trees in the Jungle.

No television programme prompts

so much discussion of those who  

like it and those who do not.

The setting, a beautiful rainforest

in Australia, full of lushness

raindrops dripping for the trees.

The horror of the candidates

disgusting tasks, eating the

uneatable by sensible people.

The jolly, geniality of the

shows award-winning presenters,

candidates desperate for notoriety.

Can the money earned by taking

part, really compensate for the

lack of dignity? Being a laughing-stock.

Young people hoping to create a career,

older people trying to re-create theirs

some, maybe just in it for the money.

What do the real inhabitants of

the rainforest think about the invasion

from the other side of the world?

Before they came, and after they

have gone, the majestic, ancient

trees will still grow up and older.

I'm a Celebrity ???

I’m a failure 
Get me out of here
cheery botox  
Presenters cheer

Eat the offal
Chew the bug
Geordie two
Smile so smug

Fail the tasks
Lose the game
rice and beans
raise your fame

Winge and moan
massive cheque
From grinning ‘richies’
Ant and Dec

Celebs complain 
No gratitude
Most the world
without food

Who's won -

Series 1 - 2002 - Tony Blackburn

Series 2 - Phil Tufnell

Series 3 - Kerry Katonia

Series 4 - Joe Pasquale

Series 5 - Carol Thatcher

Series 6 - Matt Willis

Series 7 - Christopher Biggins

Series 8 - Joe Swash

Series 9 - Gino D'Acampo

Series 10 - Stacey Solomon

Series 11 - Dougie Poynter

Series 12 - Charlie Brooks

Series 13 - Kian Egan

Series 14 - Carl "Foggy" Fogarty

Series 15 - Vicky Pattison

Series 16 - Scarlett Moffatt

How many countries take part

UK ( we created the show )

Australia ( why ?? )

Denmark

France

Germany

Greece

Hungary

India

Sweden

Romania

Netherlands

USA

My dad told me never to go to a cheap, sleazy, raunchy strip club because ‘you’ll see something you shouldn’t’. I went anyway and indeed saw something I shouldn’t – my dad !!!

Finish with a Song

This is Guns and Roses, Welcome to the Jungle