In Today's Issue
Rondeau
Sofa so good
Sofa
Random Joke of the Day
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing
Funny Fobia
New Release
A Rondeau is a short poem consisting of fifteen lines that have two rhymes throughout. The first few words or phrase from the first line are repeated twice in the poem as a refrain.
Sofa So Good
The sofa calls me to my rest
Like mewling babe embraced by breast
Swallowed up encased in leather
Enveloped against the weather
I have a home for that I’m blessed
It is MY sofa I’m no guest
Place for me somewhere to tether
My safety sofa.
I sink myself into headrest
Hide within when I am stressed
Place to get myself together
Stuffed with bird death their own feathers
I leave a dent, am I depressed
My safety sofa.
The word ‘sofa’ dates back to 2000BC Egypt and derives from the Arabic word ‘suffah’ (which loosely translates as ‘bench’).
Over it’s lifespan the average sofa will host around 782 visitors. That’s a lot of bums on seats!
It will also be witness to 293 arguments, but 1,369 cuddles.
Your sofa will be used 489 times as a bed – 293 of those nights on the sofa will be the result of a domestic disputes !
People sit on their sofa for an average of 4 hours each day.
We find on average £1.80 is lost down the back of the sofa every month. That equates to nearly £180 over the sofa’s lifetime.
We eat 13 meals a month on our sofas – that’s equates to 1,261 meals total.
The average sofa suffers 1,663 spillages over its lifetime. Wine will be spilt on it fortnightly, tea or coffee three times a week, and dinner six times a month.
If you have children, they will jump up and down on your long-suffering sofa 587 times.
You will watch roughly 782 movies whilst sitting on your sofa.
Random Joke of the Day
I've just made a movie about a Tea Bag, it'll be a PG
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaazing
Men are 6 times more likely to be struck by lightning than women. ( God hates us !! )
FUNNY FOBIA
Cynophobia – The fear of dogs
New Release
Tales of the Unexpected.
In this book we’ll cover such subjects as -
What happens when two retiring hitmen meet
for a final dinner to talk about their past, and probably
limited future.
What’s in a name, oh he’ll tell you but
you’ll wish you hadn’t asked.
Is it the love of money or is it’s moneys
love for you…we follow a coin to find out.
A failing bookstore takes full advantage of
a desperate situation.
And much, much more
This is the third in the highly successful
‘Tales of..’ series.
The stories enclosed are varied but all have a
delightful dark pumping vein of humour and twist in the telling.
Satisfaction guaranteed.
About the Author
Neville Raper invented You Tube, has swum the channel twice and is a habitual liar.
He lives in Yorkshire, where just like the locals, he says what he likes and likes what he says.
Broadcaster, Author, blogger, Neville is an occasional stand-up, and regular sit down.
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