Vets

Vets

In Today's Issue
Albert the Wonderdog
Vets
Random Joke
Bargain Book

Albert

Regular readers will know I have a little fellah called Albert.

He's part Jack Russell part piranha.....

His fetish is my underwear, pants and socks.

As a consequence I don't own one matching pair of socks and,

when it comes to pants, well lets just say, if your going to buy

adult lingerie, I can save you a lot of money, and provide free

crotchless pants !

Yesterday, I took him for his annual check up from the neck up.

Top left, as soon as we got there he made for the exit
Top right, "Dad don't let him hurt me"
Bottom right, "A needle!!!"
Bottom left, "I hate you all"

Anyway, he's now fine and back to his barky self.

Here's a little poem about my socks and him.

I love my socks

upon my feet

They make my

toes look really neat

They soak up sweat

or keep me warm

They smell so bad

like chloroform

Athletes foot

and verrucas sore

They disappear in my

black whole drawer

But worst of all

they're Albert's chew

and I have to pick them

out of his poo !!

• The term veterinarian comes from the Latin world veterinae which means ‘working animals’.

• Dogs are the most popular animal to show up on their veterinary exam table.

• Almost 80% of practicing veterinarians are females.

• All vets must have a specialty. The most common form would be a general practice with household pets and the occasional surgery needing specialty veterinarian equipment. But, others may go on to complete intensive studies oncology, radiology, animal dentistry, dermatology, cardiology, preventative animal medicine, internal medicine, or exotic small animal medicine and surgery.

• Not all vets practice medicine, some work in basic research and development of new treatments. Others, however, apply their knowledge of animals and apply that to human problems. Veterinarian science reveals that about 61% of all the disease-causing agents in humans originate in animals.

• Veterinarians are can profit incredibly by using refurbished medical equipment. Because they do not treat humans, they do not have to worry about the constant development of new and more expensive veterinary equipment that may not necessarily be better. They can take advantage and buy used medical equipment that will help them lower the costs of your animal’s visit.

• Vets must take an oath when they graduate medical school promising they will use their knowledge for the benefit and protection of animal health and welfare. Additionally, they solemnly swear to relieve animal suffering, advance medical knowledge, promote public health, and practice their profession with dignity, while abiding by veterinary medical ethics.

• In certain situations, vets can have very dangerous jobs! No matter how well behaved an animal can be, there is no way of telling what can happen on that veterinary exam table. Statistically speaking, more than half of all vets will get seriously injured in their line of work!

RANDOM JOKE OF THE DAY

So apparently Mary the raisin has been cheating on her husband with Dave the sultana. Just keeping you up to date with currant affairs.

Bargain Book

Stuck in the house ? bored  ? Fed Up ? You can now buy my recent release, "Tales of the Unexpected" for the amazing low price of £1.99 (cheaper than a cup

of coffee) 

CHECK OUT THE 5 STAR REVIEWS -

B Silver
5.0 out of 5 stars

Great diverse short stories
28 October 2019
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Love this writer I bought his previous books and in my opinion this is the best so far. The stories are much more diverse than the others. For a book of short stories there are a lot there, great to pop in and read as and when you want to. Read mine on the train, I laughed out loud at one point making my fellow passengers jump out of their seats. Recommended read....

YOU CAN FIND IT ON AMAZON NOW !

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Tales-Unexpected-Neville-Raper/dp/1687345600/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1S5K676ODI5T3&keywords=neville+raper&qid=1584902969&sprefix=neville+r%2Caps%2C239&sr=8-1

Help me Rondeau, Help Help me Rondeau

Help me Rondeau, Help Help me Rondeau

In Today's Roundabout Issue

Rondeau

Help me Rondeau, Help Help me Rondeau

Circles
Word
Random Joke


A Rondeau is a short poem consisting of fifteen lines that have two rhymes throughout. The first few words or phrase from the first line are repeated twice in the poem as a refrain.

Help me Rondeau, Help Help me Rondeau

  

The sofa calls me to my rest

Like mewling babe embraced by breast

Swallowed up incased in leather

Enveloped against the weather

I have a home for that I’m blessed

It is MY sofa I’m no guest

Place for me somewhere to tether

My safety sofa.

I sink myself into headrest

Hide within when I am stressed

Place to get myself together

Stuffed with bird death their own feathers

I leave a dent, am I depressed

My safety sofa.

Circles

The simplicity of the circle — a set of points on a plane that are all the same distance from another point called the centre – has endlessly fascinated humans. Circles (from the Greek kirkos, meaning ring, from the ancient root ker, meaning “to turn”) are symbols of infinity – a line that never ends.

The Greek philosopher Empedocles (493-433BC) devised a highly eccentric personal cosmology whose god was a circle “of which the centre is everywhere and the circumference is nowhere”.

Circles are also efficient: they cover the maximum possible area for a given perimeter, or have the minimum possible perimeter for a given area. They are useful, too: a filled-in circle is a disc and gave us the wheel, perhaps the most famous of all inventions.

Divination circles

Gyromancy is a form of divination in which a person walks in circles until they fall over through dizziness. The position one falls in is then used to interpret the outcome of future events.

Walking in circles

In situations where there are no navigational clues – such as a snowstorm or thick fog – humans always end up going around in circles.

Research carried out in 2009 by the Max Planck Institute for Biological Cybernetics in Tübingen had volunteers set down in a particularly empty bit of the Sahara or the dense, flat Bienwald Forest in south-west Germany and tracked them using GPS. When the sun or moon was out, they were perfectly capable of walking in a straight line. When it wasn’t, they started to walk in circles, crossing their own path several times: the average diameter of the circle they walked was only 66ft (20m). It suggested that we have no instinctive sense of direction.

Ant circles

If a group of army ants gets separated from the main foraging party, they can lose the pheromone track and begin to follow one another. They form a continuously rotating circle and keep going until they die of exhaustion.

Stone circles

The most famous henge – an oval area enclosed by a bank and an internal ditch – is Avebury, in Wiltshire. The nearby ancient stone circle of Stonehenge isn’t, strictly speaking, a henge because its ditch runs outside its bank.

The word henge was given its precise modern meaning by Thomas Kendrick, Keeper of British Antiquities at the British Museum, in 1932. For centuries, any stone circle or ritual site was called a henge in imitation of Stonehenge. The word had long since lost its meaning in Old English, which was “hanging place” (either in the sense of “gallows” or “precipice”).

Kendrick used it to mark out a particular style of circular monument which occurred all over the British Isles but not in the rest of Europe. But, by defining it so precisely, he excluded Stonehenge itself.

Star circles

Zodiac comes from the Greek kyklos (circle) and zoon (animal), and so means “circle of animals”.

The identification of the constellations with animals and mythical figures was first recorded in the Sumerian civilisation of Mesopotamia, around 3,000BC, from where it spread to Egyptian and Greek cultures.

Crop circles

Mathew Williams, of Devizes in Wiltshire, is the only person to have been arrested for creating crop circles; in 2000 he was fined £100 after putting his work on the internet.

Circle of learning

The word encyclopedia literally means a “circle of learning” and was originally used to indicate a well-rounded education. It was not used as a title for books of general knowledge until the 17th century.

Word of the Day

VORFÜHREFFEKT (German) - "demonstration effect", when something doesn't work until you go to show someone the problem - and it suddenly works again.

Random Joke

I’m a member of ‘Paranoids Anonymous’. We don’t meet up in case people find out.

Bargain Book

Stuck in the house ? bored  ? Fed Up ? You can now buy my recent release, "Tales of the Unexpected" for the amazing low price of £1.99 (cheaper than a cup

of coffee) 

CHECK OUT THE 5 STAR REVIEWS -

B Silver
5.0 out of 5 stars

Great diverse short stories
28 October 2019
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Love this writer I bought his previous books and in my opinion this is the best so far. The stories are much more diverse than the others. For a book of short stories there are a lot there, great to pop in and read as and when you want to. Read mine on the train, I laughed out loud at one point making my fellow passengers jump out of their seats. Recommended read....

YOU CAN FIND IT ON AMAZON NOW !

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Tales-Unexpected-Neville-Raper/dp/1687345600/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1S5K676ODI5T3&keywords=neville+raper&qid=1584902969&sprefix=neville+r%2Caps%2C239&sr=8-1

FIX

The 'subscribe button' has now been fixed. Simply add your e-mail and get this drivel delivered straight to you !!!

Bubble Rap

Bubble Rap

In Today's Pop(ular) Issue

Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day
Bubble Rap
Bubble Wrap
That's Amaaaaaaaaazing
Random Joke
Last Chance to bag a Bargain

Feeling a little stressed lately.? Then, this special day is made for you!

It's Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day.

As anyone who has ever come in contact with it knows, bubble wrap is not just a protective wrapping for things. It is also a wonderful stress reliever! Just squeeze the bubbles in the Bubble wrap, and feel the stress disappear with each POP...POP...POP.

So, grab a piece of bubble wrap today, and go to town!


BUBBLE RAP

Little blisters of air

Bubbles suspended in plastic

How they get there I don’t

Know, I think it’s fantastic

Protective convex covering

Almost see through

Peek into the packaging

Your prize just in view.

But forget your purchase

It’s the wrapping raps

For it the joy of the pop

When you squeeze in the gaps

A stress release

Tiny small joy

Blahdy Blahdy Blah Blah

Helen of Troy

(I think I run out of steam a bit there)

 

USES FOR BUBBLE WRAP

Sleep on air while camping: 
Get a better night’s sleep on a camping trip. Take a 2m roll of wide bubble wrap to use as a mat under a sleeping bag. If you don’t have a sleeping bag, just fold a 3.6-metre-long piece of wide bubble wrap in half, bubble side out and gaffer-tape the edges. Then slip in and enjoy a restful night in your makeshift padded sleeping bag.

Its original purpose was wallpaper: In 1957, in an attempt to create a textured wallpaper, engineer Alfred W. Fielding and Swiss inventor Marc Chavannes sealed two shower curtains together in such a way that air bubbles were captured, giving the wallpaper a textured appearance.

It can insulate your windows:
Is your home feeling drafty? Simply cut a sheet of bubble cushioning to the size of your window, spray the window with water, and place the flat side against the glass for instant insulation. Since it’s clear, you won’t lose the natural light.

Protect Produce in the Fridge:
Line the crisper drawer with bubble wrap to prevent bruises to fruit and other produce. Cleaning the fridge will be easier too – when the lining gets dirty, just throw it away and replace it with fresh bubble wrap.

Stress Relief:
Get popping! Research shows that one minute spent popping bubble wrap relives as much stress as a 30 minute massage.

THAT'S AMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZING

The most people popping bubble wrap simultaneously is 2,681, achieved by the Denver Area Council, Boy Scouts of America (USA) at the Peaceful Valley Scout Ranch in Elbert, Colorado, USA, on 19 September 2015.

Random Joke of the Day

I met this bloke with a didgeridoo playing Dancing Queen. I thought “That’s ABBAriginal!”

Bargain Book

Did you get a kindle or e-book reader for Xmas? Then as a New Years gift from me you can now buy

my recent release, "Tales of the Unexpected" for the amazing low price of £1.99 (cheaper than a cup

of coffee) 

CHECK OUT THE 5 STAR REVIEWS -

B Silver
5.0 out of 5 stars

Great diverse short stories
28 October 2019
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
Love this writer I bought his previous books and in my opinion this is the best so far. The stories are much more diverse than the others. For a book of short stories there are a lot there, great to pop in and read as and when you want to. Read mine on the train, I laughed out loud at one point making my fellow passengers jump out of their seats. Recommended read....

YOU CAN FIND IT ON AMAZON NOW !

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07YSVC6TT…

International Clean Your Computer Day

In Today's Dirty Issue

International Clean Your Computer Day
Virus
Virus Facts
That's Amaaaaaazing
Random Joke
Bargain Book

Clean Out Your Computer Day is a day to logically review, and delete old files and programs.

Most of us add programs and files to our computer with reckless abandon. After all, computers have huge storage capacity.  Many of these files and programs are forgotten over time. Overtime they clog memory and cause confusion during retrieval and use of other files. And, some may slow down your computer.

Somewhere along the way, a (most likely) computer geek or service person, created this day as an opportunity for us to remember to cleanup and delete old and unused files.

Virus

My laptop got a virus
I was surprised that it could
I tried to give paracetamol
But it did it no good
I poured in chicken soup
It works with my cold
But it just started fizzing
And the keyboard developed mold
I stuck in the bath
All soapy nice and hot
But it did not seem to like that
Oh, it certainly did not.
And now its sound asleep
It doesn't want to stir
I think I've killed the hard drive
As it no longer makes a whir
I'll have to get some software
to inoculate it better
And make sure it stays dry
and never gets wetter.
I hope I haven't killed
my little robot mate
It the virus I didn't like
and those hackers that I hate!

About 70% of people, who prepare and disseminate computer viruses, are part of an organized crime syndicate. That means that their motives may be a lot more sinister that you could ever imagine.

About 40% of all households contain at least one computer, which is infected with a virus. That means that many of us are literally walking on ice. What is really frightening is the fact that many who are affected do not even know that their systems are infected.

About 90% of all emails are infected with some type of malware. The people that send and receive it are often unaware of what is going on until it is too late.

That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing

The “MyDoom” computer virus was the most costly malware ever made. It is estimated that it caused losses of up to $38.5 billion. That is a lot more than many third world countries make in a full year.

First human infected with a computer virus On 27 May 2010, Mark Gasson (UK) from the University of Reading,UK, announced that he had implanted an RFID(radio frequency identification)chip into his hand, which he then infected with a computer virus.

Random Joke of the Day
I grew up in a rough area. When I was a kid people used to cover me in Chocolate and cream and put a Cherry on top of my head.

Life was tough in the Gateau

Bargain Book

Did you get a kindle or e-book reader for Xmas? Then as a New Years gift from me you can now buy

my recent release, "Tales of the Unexpected" for the amazing low price of £1.99 (cheaper than a cup

of coffee) 

CHECK OUT THE 5 STAR REVIEWS -

B Silver
5.0 out of 5 stars

Great diverse short stories
28 October 2019
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
Love this writer I bought his previous books and in my opinion this is the best so far. The stories are much more diverse than the others. For a book of short stories there are a lot there, great to pop in and read as and when you want to. Read mine on the train, I laughed out loud at one point making my fellow passengers jump out of their seats. Recommended read....

YOU CAN FIND IT ON AMAZON NOW !

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07YSVC6TT…

Halloween

Halloween
Did you Know
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing
Random Joke of the Day
Funny Fobia
Word of the Day
New Releases

Halloween

  

Ghosts and Goolies

Spirits and spooks

Scared of stiffies

Ectoplasm pukes

Bumps in the 

night

And Vampire

Bites

A Werewolf's 

Howl

It loosens my

Bowel

And the worse one

yet

What makes a cold

sweat

When I think of

the twist

None of you

exist !

Trick or treating comes from the Middle-Age practice of the poor dressing up in costumes and going around door to door during Hallowmas begging for food or money in exchange for prayers. The food given was often a Soul Cake, which was a small round cake which represented a soul being freed from Purgatory when the cake was eaten.

Halloween is also know by other names:
All Hallows Eve
Samhain
All Hallowtide
The Feast of the Dead
The Day of the Dead

The owl is a popular Halloween animal. In Medieval Europe, owls were thought to be witches, and to hear an owl's call meant someone was about to die.

Halloween was brought to North America by immigrants from Europe who would celebrate the harvest around a bonfire, share ghost stories, sing, dance and tell fortunes.

Orange and black are Halloween colours because orange is associated with the Fall harvest and black is associated with darkness and death.

Jack o lanterns originated in Ireland where people placed candles in hollowed-out turnips to keep away spirits and ghosts on the Samhain holiday.

A pumpkin is a berry in the cucurbitaceae family, which also includes melons, cucumbers, squash and gourds. All these plants are native to the Americas.

That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaazing

World's Heaviest Pumpkin Tips the Scales at 2,096 Pounds. MAINZ, Germany — A Swiss gardener has grown the world's heaviest pumpkin — and it weighs almost as much as a small car. Beni Meier, 30, had to use a special vehicle to transport the fruit, which tipped the scales at 2,096.6 lbs.

Random Joke of the Day

Costume party. Host: What are you? Me: A harp Host: Ur costume's too small to be a harp. Me: Are you calling me a lyre?

Funny Fobia

Samhainophobia is an intense fear of Halloween.

Released Monday ;-

Wednesday Words

Wednesday’s child is full of woe.

If that was true then the child found joy, creativity and friendship through the Workers Education Association.

For on Wednesday a group of very different creative writers meet. A range of different ages, sexes and backgrounds come together with one burning purpose, to write.

This anthology is a homage to this group and a love letter to you the reader. The work you’ll find in here ranges from the heart-breaking to the humorous. There is no theme other than one, they were all born on a Wednesday.

Wednesday words

The Worker’s Educational Association was founded in 1903,

                  it is the UK's largest voluntary sector provider of adult

                  education and one of Britain's biggest charities.

                  The WEA is a democratic and voluntary adult education

                  movement. It delivers learning throughout England

                  and Scotland. The WEA's provision is usually local to

                  its students. In 2015–16 there were over 8,000 courses

                  delivered in over 1,800 community venues and 75% of

                  WEA students travelled less than 2 miles to their class.

                  The Wednesday Writing group meet on…Wednesday’s.

                  They are a collection of very different people from a

                  myriad of backgrounds. This group come together in

                  mutual respect and in a mutual aim...to write.

Within this book you find poems and stories on many

                  different themes they have no common thread other

                  than they were born on a Wednesday.  

This wonderful book is available on Amazon, Kobo, Barnes Noble and Kobo

Here is a link to the Amazon page   https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07ZG36BMK?pf_rd_p=330fbd82-d4fe-42e5-9c16-d4b886747c64&pf_rd_r=304EEZVA6KJVF08P6PF0

AND RELEASED THIS WEEK................

Tales of the Unexpected.

In this book we’ll cover such subjects as -  

What happens when two retiring hitmen meet for a final dinner to talk about their past, and probably limited future.

What’s in a name, oh he’ll tell you but you’ll wish you hadn’t asked.

Is it the love of money or is it’s moneys love for you…we follow a coin to find out.

A failing bookstore takes full advantage of a desperate situation.

And much, much more

This is the third in the highly successful ‘Tales of..’ series.

The stories enclosed are varied but all have a delightful dark pumping vein of humour and twist in the telling.

Satisfaction guaranteed.

Just in time for Halloween !!! - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Tales-Unexpected-Neville-Raper/dp/1687345600/ref=sr_1_3?crid=M4YU6IZ0J52Q&keywords=neville+raper&qid=1572001622&s=digital-text&sprefix=neville+rape%2Cdigital-text%2C173&sr=1-3-catcorr

Extramundane

outside or beyond the physical world