International Clean Your Computer Day

In Today's Dirty Issue

International Clean Your Computer Day
Virus
Virus Facts
That's Amaaaaaazing
Random Joke
Bargain Book

Clean Out Your Computer Day is a day to logically review, and delete old files and programs.

Most of us add programs and files to our computer with reckless abandon. After all, computers have huge storage capacity.  Many of these files and programs are forgotten over time. Overtime they clog memory and cause confusion during retrieval and use of other files. And, some may slow down your computer.

Somewhere along the way, a (most likely) computer geek or service person, created this day as an opportunity for us to remember to cleanup and delete old and unused files.

Virus

My laptop got a virus
I was surprised that it could
I tried to give paracetamol
But it did it no good
I poured in chicken soup
It works with my cold
But it just started fizzing
And the keyboard developed mold
I stuck in the bath
All soapy nice and hot
But it did not seem to like that
Oh, it certainly did not.
And now its sound asleep
It doesn't want to stir
I think I've killed the hard drive
As it no longer makes a whir
I'll have to get some software
to inoculate it better
And make sure it stays dry
and never gets wetter.
I hope I haven't killed
my little robot mate
It the virus I didn't like
and those hackers that I hate!

About 70% of people, who prepare and disseminate computer viruses, are part of an organized crime syndicate. That means that their motives may be a lot more sinister that you could ever imagine.

About 40% of all households contain at least one computer, which is infected with a virus. That means that many of us are literally walking on ice. What is really frightening is the fact that many who are affected do not even know that their systems are infected.

About 90% of all emails are infected with some type of malware. The people that send and receive it are often unaware of what is going on until it is too late.

That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing

The “MyDoom” computer virus was the most costly malware ever made. It is estimated that it caused losses of up to $38.5 billion. That is a lot more than many third world countries make in a full year.

First human infected with a computer virus On 27 May 2010, Mark Gasson (UK) from the University of Reading,UK, announced that he had implanted an RFID(radio frequency identification)chip into his hand, which he then infected with a computer virus.

Random Joke of the Day
I grew up in a rough area. When I was a kid people used to cover me in Chocolate and cream and put a Cherry on top of my head.

Life was tough in the Gateau

Bargain Book

Did you get a kindle or e-book reader for Xmas? Then as a New Years gift from me you can now buy

my recent release, "Tales of the Unexpected" for the amazing low price of £1.99 (cheaper than a cup

of coffee) 

CHECK OUT THE 5 STAR REVIEWS -

B Silver
5.0 out of 5 stars

Great diverse short stories
28 October 2019
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
Love this writer I bought his previous books and in my opinion this is the best so far. The stories are much more diverse than the others. For a book of short stories there are a lot there, great to pop in and read as and when you want to. Read mine on the train, I laughed out loud at one point making my fellow passengers jump out of their seats. Recommended read....

YOU CAN FIND IT ON AMAZON NOW !

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07YSVC6TT…

International House Plant Day

International House Plant Day

In Today's Green Issue

International House Plant Day
My little green pal
House Plant
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing
Random Joke

Xmas is over. The decorations have been put away for another year. The house looks a little plain, a little drab. In the greyishness of January, your eye catches something in the corner of the room. It's your little oasis of green... your little houseplant! 

Today is THE day to get back to tending to, and loving your houseplants. And, it's also a day to appreciate just how special and important they are. They are therapeutic, lifting your mood and outlook. They add warmth and a calming effect. If you are a gardener, they give you an opportunity to play in the dirt, until spring arrives in the far, distant future.

Growing houseplants is pretty easy. They need a little sunlight, water, occasional nutrients, and a little love..and a good talking to !!

Housey Housey House Plant
Never been outside Plant
Does he miss his chlorofil mates
Unedible and edible he sees on plates
I realise that I called him a he
I wonder what he thinks of me

I water him about once a week
I often sing, but always speak
I heard that this will help him grow
It might not work, I'll have a go

And if he grows so very high
Then I'll climb him up into the sky
Like Jack and his stalk I'll vertical walk
With goose and giant, I'll have a talk

I'll see if I can take the treasure
To spend and use to my own pleasure
But right now, he's two inches high
So I'll sing as I water supply

Growing plants indoors goes back to ancient times:

In the ruins of Pompeii, researchers found much more than the well-preserved skeletons and homes of residents. They found the remains of indoor gardening—terra cotta pots that had the remnants of flowers and other plants.

It’s thought that Babylonian emperor Nebuchadnezzar was among the first to “domesticate” plants by building his wife the Hanging Gardens of Babylon to help her feel less homesick.

The evolution of indoor heating changed the game:

Before the early 1800s, most homes were too dark and cold for seedlings to survive inside. The Age of Technology changed that; homes became warmer and brighter with the advent of better-quality glass that allowed more sunlight indoors and warm stoves that replaced open fires.

Most common houseplants came from the tropics:

That’s because they can easily thrive in warm indoor environments and grow during colder months. There are thousands of varieties of tropical houseplants that can adapt to being grown inside. These include bromeliads (which dwell on rocks, the forest floor or trees in nature), succulents (which need very little water and thrive in bright sunlight) and orchids.

They are beneficial to our health:

While ancient cultures grew plants indoors as a sign of wealth, today many plant lovers keep them in their homes not only for their beauty, but for their health benefits as well. They can reduce stress, reduce air pollution and allergens and reduce noise pollution emitted by household electronic devices.

Their meanings come from Victorian times:

We know flowers and plants can be used to convey emotions like “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” They also can be used as symbols—orchids are often considered symbols of love, strength and beauty, for example. But how were their meanings selected?

The Victorians not only brought about the modern houseplant, they also assigned meanings to several of them. 

That's Amaaaaazing

The world's oldest potted plant is a prickly cycad (Encephalartos altensteinii), which was brought from South Africa to the UK and planted in 1775. The cycad is currently on display in the Palm House, Royal Botanical Gardens, Kew, Surrey, UK . These tree-fern like Cycads are often called 'living fossils' as they are amongst the oldest surviving species of plants; it is known that they were growing over 200 million years ago during the Permian era. Cycads are dioecious meaning their male and female reproductive structures are on different plants with reproduction achieved through seeds. They typically grow to 4-7 m (13-22 ft).

Random Joke of the Day

My wife is leaving me because she thinks I try to make everything into a 'Quiz' 

Is that: 

A) Weird 

B) Annoying Or

 C) Unfair

Halloween

Halloween
Did you Know
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing
Random Joke of the Day
Funny Fobia
Word of the Day
New Releases

Halloween

  

Ghosts and Goolies

Spirits and spooks

Scared of stiffies

Ectoplasm pukes

Bumps in the 

night

And Vampire

Bites

A Werewolf's 

Howl

It loosens my

Bowel

And the worse one

yet

What makes a cold

sweat

When I think of

the twist

None of you

exist !

Trick or treating comes from the Middle-Age practice of the poor dressing up in costumes and going around door to door during Hallowmas begging for food or money in exchange for prayers. The food given was often a Soul Cake, which was a small round cake which represented a soul being freed from Purgatory when the cake was eaten.

Halloween is also know by other names:
All Hallows Eve
Samhain
All Hallowtide
The Feast of the Dead
The Day of the Dead

The owl is a popular Halloween animal. In Medieval Europe, owls were thought to be witches, and to hear an owl's call meant someone was about to die.

Halloween was brought to North America by immigrants from Europe who would celebrate the harvest around a bonfire, share ghost stories, sing, dance and tell fortunes.

Orange and black are Halloween colours because orange is associated with the Fall harvest and black is associated with darkness and death.

Jack o lanterns originated in Ireland where people placed candles in hollowed-out turnips to keep away spirits and ghosts on the Samhain holiday.

A pumpkin is a berry in the cucurbitaceae family, which also includes melons, cucumbers, squash and gourds. All these plants are native to the Americas.

That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaazing

World's Heaviest Pumpkin Tips the Scales at 2,096 Pounds. MAINZ, Germany — A Swiss gardener has grown the world's heaviest pumpkin — and it weighs almost as much as a small car. Beni Meier, 30, had to use a special vehicle to transport the fruit, which tipped the scales at 2,096.6 lbs.

Random Joke of the Day

Costume party. Host: What are you? Me: A harp Host: Ur costume's too small to be a harp. Me: Are you calling me a lyre?

Funny Fobia

Samhainophobia is an intense fear of Halloween.

Released Monday ;-

Wednesday Words

Wednesday’s child is full of woe.

If that was true then the child found joy, creativity and friendship through the Workers Education Association.

For on Wednesday a group of very different creative writers meet. A range of different ages, sexes and backgrounds come together with one burning purpose, to write.

This anthology is a homage to this group and a love letter to you the reader. The work you’ll find in here ranges from the heart-breaking to the humorous. There is no theme other than one, they were all born on a Wednesday.

Wednesday words

The Worker’s Educational Association was founded in 1903,

                  it is the UK's largest voluntary sector provider of adult

                  education and one of Britain's biggest charities.

                  The WEA is a democratic and voluntary adult education

                  movement. It delivers learning throughout England

                  and Scotland. The WEA's provision is usually local to

                  its students. In 2015–16 there were over 8,000 courses

                  delivered in over 1,800 community venues and 75% of

                  WEA students travelled less than 2 miles to their class.

                  The Wednesday Writing group meet on…Wednesday’s.

                  They are a collection of very different people from a

                  myriad of backgrounds. This group come together in

                  mutual respect and in a mutual aim...to write.

Within this book you find poems and stories on many

                  different themes they have no common thread other

                  than they were born on a Wednesday.  

This wonderful book is available on Amazon, Kobo, Barnes Noble and Kobo

Here is a link to the Amazon page   https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07ZG36BMK?pf_rd_p=330fbd82-d4fe-42e5-9c16-d4b886747c64&pf_rd_r=304EEZVA6KJVF08P6PF0

AND RELEASED THIS WEEK................

Tales of the Unexpected.

In this book we’ll cover such subjects as -  

What happens when two retiring hitmen meet for a final dinner to talk about their past, and probably limited future.

What’s in a name, oh he’ll tell you but you’ll wish you hadn’t asked.

Is it the love of money or is it’s moneys love for you…we follow a coin to find out.

A failing bookstore takes full advantage of a desperate situation.

And much, much more

This is the third in the highly successful ‘Tales of..’ series.

The stories enclosed are varied but all have a delightful dark pumping vein of humour and twist in the telling.

Satisfaction guaranteed.

Just in time for Halloween !!! - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Tales-Unexpected-Neville-Raper/dp/1687345600/ref=sr_1_3?crid=M4YU6IZ0J52Q&keywords=neville+raper&qid=1572001622&s=digital-text&sprefix=neville+rape%2Cdigital-text%2C173&sr=1-3-catcorr

Extramundane

outside or beyond the physical world

Flash Fiction

In Today's Issue

Flash Fiction
300 Words
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing
Random Joke
Word
Horoscopes for the week
New Release

Flash fiction is fictional work of extreme brevity, that still offers character and plot development, including the Six-Word Story, 140-character stories, also known as "twitterature", the "dribble" (50 words), the "drabble" , also known as "microfiction"(100 words),^["sudden fiction" (750 words), flash fiction (1000 words), nanotales and "micro-story".Some commentators have also suggested that some flash fiction possesses a unique literary quality, e.g. the ability to hint at or imply a larger story.

I was asked to come up with something in 300 
words and was given the prompt of 'wedding dress'. 
This is what I came up with.


300 Words

“Filthy dirty cheating bitch.” I look at our wedding photo. How good did we look, she in her 
Grandmother’s old dress, me in full dress uniform. We were full of promise, hope and 
potential, the American dream. Then we crashed, the bankers gambled with our money 
and lost. The Men on the hill told us cuts must be made; we must tighten our belts. 
Them in their five hundred dollar suits and ten dollar tans. The army let me go to help the
economy, I’d done my duty and was dismissed. Ejected like an empty shell. No jobs, all 
I could do was kill, not a skill admired in this civilised town. 


So I drank, and she stayed away. I’d checked her phone and saw the messages.
Love letters in fifty characters, the sender given a fake name to hide in her address book. 
The enemy always hides.I find her dress of vows and veils and burn it. Confetti flecks
of husband and wife ash float into the sky.

I bet they all knew; this is a small town, everyone knows everyone. Her parents, the
bastards sour at our lack of offspring they would be supporting the adultress. 
All laughing at the used useless man. I’d make her pay; I’d make them all pay. 
I was always good at my job. I kiss the flag, cheap; China made, the ink comes off on
my lips, red, the blood of my country.

I hear their voices rejoicing in union, exalting a God who spits on them from high. 
The things I saw on the battlefield would make them denounce him instantly.
 I fought for them; I bled for them, they will bleed for me.


I feel the M16 in my hands, flick to full auto and step into the church.

That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing

Legend has it that Ernest Hemingway won a bet by writing the six-word story “For sale: baby shoes. Never worn.” Hoping to cash in on that story's success, Hemingway wrote some six-word sequels.

Random Joke of the Day

My wife's leaving me because of my obsession with auctions. She's going once....going twice......( or going going gone )

Word

MATUTOLYPEA - the state of being ill-tempered in the morning

This weeks Extremely Accurate Horoscopes With  Paul T Gyce

Hello, I've been expecting you. My name is Paul T Gyce I have been an astrologer to the stars for over 70 years which is a testament to my skills as I'm 55.

Sit back and wonder how accurate my predictions will be for you, this coming week !!

Aries March 21 – April 20

This week you will meet a tall dark handsome man, unfortunately, he doesn't 

like you.

Your lucky stone this week is Sharon.

Taurus April 21 – May 21

DUCK ! RIGHT NOW DUCK, QUICKLY...

Too late. 

Your lucky colour, now, is red

Gemini May 22 – June 21

Once again, being a Gemini you are in 2 minds, both are in agreement that

you need a haircut, but only on one head.

Lucky Animal - Push Me Pull Me

Cancer June 22 – July 23

MMMM........crab......

Lucky Sauce - Seafood

Leo July 24 – Aug 23

This week you will feel caged, Remember pride comes before a fall,

The mane thing is try to avoid puns.

Your Lucky Food is Zebra

Virgo Aug 24 – Sep 23

Virgo's are brilliant and this week everything will be brilliant because you are so great.

Everyone loves you and you deserve it. If you're not a Virgo... then tough.

Your lucky thing this week is every thing !!

Libra Sept 24 – Oct 23

Libra's are quite astute and will have probably, by now, worked out what star sign

I am. This week you will be asked to weigh something.

Lucky Clothing - A bra...

Scorpio Oct 24 – Nov 22

My ex was a Scorpio and I've never met a nice one. They are fundamentally evil people and will do everything in their power to make sure they get the house, car and your collection of "specialist" video's.... I mean what does she need with 48 video's on ermmmm my hobby. Well I tell you two can play that game, I'm keeping her underwear, It fits me better than her anyway.

Famous Scorpio's 

Crippin

Adolf Hitler

Vlad The Impaler

Danny La Rue

Sagittarius Nov 23 – Dec 22

Just what is a Sagittarius ? I mean I get the rest, animals, things, but this ??? nope.

Any ways, no idea what's going to happen to you as I have no idea what you are.... Oh, sometime this week you will breath.

Lucky Word - Meh !

Capricorn Dec 23 – Jan 20

This week, just like a goat you will over eat. Just try not to eat underwear some of that stuff is really expensive.

Lucky Saying - Who ate all the pies.

Lucky Number - 3.14159265359

Aquarius Jan 21 – Feb 19

By now I'm getting a bit tired, the spirits running through me are becoming dry. I need fluid, and ironically this is your sign. This week you will be rained on.

Lucky Fluid - Rain

Pisces Feb 20 – March 20

Why is it that Pisces is always last on the list, I mean it doesn't make any sense, the year begins with January so shouldn't it start with Capricorn ?

It's all barmy really, Anyways the constellation says that this week you will

find yourself in a room and forget why you went in there for in the first place. Don't worry you're not losing it, it's already gone.

Lucky Dating Site - Plenty Of Fish

Tales of the Unexpected.

In this book we’ll cover such subjects as -  

What happens when two retiring hitmen meet for a final dinner to talk about their past, and probably

limited future.

What’s in a name, oh he’ll tell you but you’ll wish you hadn’t asked.

Is it the love of money or is it’s moneys love for you…we follow a coin to find out.

A failing bookstore takes full advantage of a desperate situation.

And much, much more

This is the third in the highly successful ‘Tales of..’ series.

The stories enclosed are varied but all have a delightful dark pumping vein of humour and twist in the telling.

Satisfaction guaranteed.

About the Author

Neville Raper invented You Tube, has swum the channel twice and is a habitual liar.
He lives in Yorkshire, where just like the locals, he says what he likes and likes what he says.
Broadcaster, Author, blogger, Neville is an occasional stand-up, and regular sit down.

Here is a link

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Tales-Unexpected-Neville-Raper/dp/1687345600/ref=sr_1_4?keywords=Neville+raper&qid=1571492333&sr=8-4