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Showing posts with label #writer #funny #hospital #facts #trivia #newrelease #canispeakmymind #charity #mustread. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #writer #funny #hospital #facts #trivia #newrelease #canispeakmymind #charity #mustread. Show all posts

Friday, 23 November 2018

Get me out of heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere


In Today's Issue

I'm a Celeb
Random Joke
Can I speak my Mind



Get Me Out of Here !


I’m a failure 
Get me out of here
cheery botox  
Presenters cheer

Eat the offal
Chew the bug
Geordie two
Smile so smug

Fail the tasks
Lose the game
rice and beans
raise your fame

Winge and moan
massive cheque
From grinning ‘richies’
Ant.. Holly and Dec

Celebs complain 
No gratitude
Most the world
without food



Who's won -

Series 1 - 2002 - Tony Blackburn
Series 2 - Phil Tufnell
Series 3 - Kerry Katonia
Series 4 - Joe Pasquale
Series 5 - Carol Thatcher
Series 6 - Matt Willis
Series 7 - Christopher Biggins
Series 8 - Joe Swash
Series 9 - Gino D'Acampo
Series 10 - Stacey Solomon
Series 11 - Dougie Poynter
Series 12 - Charlie Brooks
Series 13 - Kian Egan
Series 14 - Carl "Foggy" Fogarty
Series 15 - Vicky Pattison
Series 16 - Scarlett Moffatt
Series 17 - Georgia Toffolo

How many countries take part

UK ( we created the show )
Australia ( why ?? )
Denmark
France
Germany
Greece
Hungary
India
Sweden
Romania
Netherlands
USA


Random Joke

My dad told me never to go to a cheap, sleazy, raunchy strip club because ‘you’ll see something you shouldn’t’. I went anyway and indeed saw something I shouldn’t – my dad !!!


Can I Speak My Mind ?



New Release - 


Can I Speak My Mind is a collection of short stories and poetry written by, for and about people who have been affected by mental health issues.

Some of the pieces are heartbreaking, some are hopeful, some are even funny…but what they all are is honest.

All profits from the sale of this book will go to mental health charities.

By buying this anthology you have contributed to people who go that extra mile to help sufferers in the community. These groups volunteer selflessly. Your money will help them to continue providing much needed support.

So well done you, you are a hero.

Here is a link to the Amazon page - 

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Can-I-Speak-My-Mind/dp/1728787599/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1541082559&sr=8-4&keywords=can+I+speak+my+mind 

Can I Speak My Mind





Neville Raper is a Broadcaster, Poet, Author, Playwriter and a blogger. He is an occasional stand up, regular sit down.

His award winning books can be found on Amazon, Kobo, Barnes Noble and Kindle.


Thursday, 22 November 2018

Flash.....ahhh aaaaaa......

In Today's Fast Issue

Flash Fiction
10 Minutes Late
The number 10
Random Joke
(Medical Word) to Your Mother
Can I speak my Mind


Flash fiction is fictional work of extreme brevity that still offers character and plot development. Identified varieties, many of them defined by word count, include the six-word story,the 280-character story (also known as "twitterature"), the "dribble" (also known as the "minisaga"; 50 words),the "drabble" (also known as "microfiction"; 100 words),"sudden fiction" (750 words),flash fiction (1,000 words), nanotale, and "micro-story".
Some commentators have suggested that flash fiction possesses a unique literary quality, in its ability to hint at or imply a larger story.

Flash Fiction: Stories under 2,000 words. Seems easy enough, right? Just get rid of rambling digressions, eliminate flashbacks, cut extraneous descriptions and presto! Mini-fiction nuggets!
Actually, there’s a lot more to flash fiction than one might initially realize. Part poetry, part narrative, flash fiction–also known as sudden fiction, micro fiction, short short stories, and quick fiction—is a genre that is deceptively complex. At the same time, writing these short shorts can be incredibly rewarding. Distilling experience into a few pages or, in some cases a few paragraphs, forces writers to pay close attention to every loaded conversation, every cruel action, every tender gesture, and every last syllable in every single word.
So here's some Do's and Dont's

Do:
1. Be concise without strangling your plot and characters.
2. Remember to deliver your message.  No one likes empty envelopes.
3. Make your prose intense. You can’t burn the reader.
4. Learn from the birds. Tweet, tweet, tweet(er).
5. Use prompts to hone your skills.
Don’t:
1. Go in circles. You don’t have room for that.
2. Try to wear many hats. Flash has space only for one or two.
3. Mince words.
4. Be afraid to experiment. You don’t want to repeat what others have written.
5. Forget that flash is a story and not a poem or essay.

10 Minutes Late
I was recently asked to produce something based upon the theme of 10 minutes late.
Here it is :-

10 minutes late – I cradle her lifeless cold body in my arms. Empty of blood she feels like a deflated copy of her living self.

9 minutes late – I plunge my arms into the water, my sleeves are dyed red by the expulsion of life.

8 minutes late – I kick open the locked bathroom door, I see splinters dance and spin.

7 minutes late – I find her letter, a farewell. She’s never done this before.

6 minutes late – I open the front door, her house normally so chaotic is now deathly quiet. I call her name

5 minutes late – I pull up sharply onto her drive, my car kicks up small clouds of dust, they float up and cloy at my car.

4 minutes late – I pull into the lane that is least populated. A fat ham faced man gives me the finger. Given my current mood he doesn’t realise how dangerous that is…for him.

3 minutes late – I turn my engine on and sigh

2 minutes late – I slam down the phone. It’s always the same with her....’I’m gonna do this, I’m gonna do that’ the wolf that cried. One day I won’t respond.

1 minute late – “I can’t live without you John, I’ve had enough.” She drones on and on and on.


Ten facts on Ten
  1. The Roman numeral for 10 is X, which looks like two V’s (the Roman numeral for five) put together
  2. Babies need 10 hours of sleep a day (if you were a squirrel you’d need 15)
  3. If you have 10 fingers you are decadactylous and if you have 10 teeth you are decemdentate
  4. Although the word ‘decimate’ is often used as a synonym for obliterate, the correct meaning of the this verb is ‘to reduce by a tenth’
  5. In the Bible, the number 10 is used 242 times
  6. There are 10 vowels in the Korean alphabet
  7. The traditional 10th anniversary gift is tin, while the modern gift for a 10th anniversary is diamonds – definite proof of inflation
  8. Pythagoras considered 10 to be the most sacred number, as 10 = 1+2+3+4, which represented existence (1), creation (2), life (3) and the four elements: earth, air, fire and water (4)
  9. In Roman times, punishment for cowardice or mutiny was applied by killing one in 10 men in a cohort
  10. Ten per cent of the world is left-handed.
RANDOM JOKE
I hate people with frostbite.
I think I may be lack toes intolerant.

(Medical Word) to Your Mother

With a big thanks to ex nurse Anne Rhodes

Can I Speak My Mind ?


New Release - 


Can I Speak My Mind is a collection of short stories and poetry written by, for and about people who have been affected by mental health issues.

Some of the pieces are heartbreaking, some are hopeful, some are even funny…but what they all are is honest.

All profits from the sale of this book will go to mental health charities.

By buying this anthology you have contributed to people who go that extra mile to help sufferers in the community. These groups volunteer selflessly. Your money will help them to continue providing much needed support.

So well done you, you are a hero.

Here is a link to the Amazon page - 

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Can-I-Speak-My-Mind/dp/1728787599/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1541082559&sr=8-4&keywords=can+I+speak+my+mind 

Can I Speak My Mind





Neville Raper is a Broadcaster, Poet, Author, Playwriter and a blogger. He is an occasional stand up, regular sit down.

His award winning books can be found on Amazon, Kobo, Barnes Noble and Kindle.

Wednesday, 21 November 2018

Vignettes from a Hospital waiting room

Vignettes from a Hospital waiting room




In Today's Issue

Vignettes from a hospital waiting room
Did you know?
Random joke of the Day
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaazing
Can I speak my mind ?




I have spent quite a lot of time in hospitals recently, here are some of my musings

Hospital Waiting Room

Blue and peach plastic chairs...calming colours.

I see a mountain of a man he breaths like he's in an aqualung

Eastern Europeans leave, they have the wrong clinic, given the Brexit mood they maybe soon looking for outpatients

I am warmed by an old school Dr in awhite coat.

A trolley of medical records rolls past....a mobile library ?

Blue and orange....X ray dept

Paper gowns for Xrays thought they would be polythene

I move departments, purple and cream chairs, pink walls with a blue stripe. Lawrence Luwellan Bowen would be sinning in his grave
, if he was dead. I preferred his Dad on Bullseye.

Evidence of smokers ex and existing all around.

Coffing dodgers coughing.

This clinic should offer earplugs.

Coughing codgers, the mexican wave of phlem.

Names on the surgery title - Dr Black, Dr Papa, Pat and Pat

Cheap coffee in big hearted cups served by Auntie Jean

Hypnotherapy in a dietician room, convincing people to eat sprouts?

Saga magazines from 1997, wonder if the people in them are dead?

Shouting out names a roll call register for the sick, like school but they've no excuse for absence.

Elisabeth Keller is called into retinal screening, historical irony?

Georgina White with a her genuine Michael Korrs bag from Turkey.

Old man walks out as he leaves he shouts 'take care'

Mary Bates small Chinese lady called in, wonder if that's her real name or her import title.

Radio in the background not loud enough to hear but enough to create annoyance.

Cheap NHS wheelchairs no comfort just function.

Sat next to a well dressed octogenarian with an earring, am I looking at my future?

Old lady informs me it's her birthday in June, it's September, wonder if she knows she missed it?

Everyone talks, it's like a day out.

I write with a British Legion Pen, I have no idea where I got it.

Names and dates of birth shouted out, a wet dream for an ID thief.

NHS is love. To care for a stranger. The NHS is a reflection of what society should be.

The tea lady sets up her biscuits with pride.

I move chairs to eavesdrop more, see them whisper, and wonder what is my affliction?

Someone 'push me, pulls me' the disabled toilet door, the handle rattles with building panic.

The nurse calls an old grey man in a wheelchair, 'darling' his face lights up. When was he last called that?



Did you know? Hospitals


1. The creator of Peter Pan gave the rights to Great Ormand Street Children's Hospital so they would always collect the royalties and fund the hospital.
2. Some hospitals keep a supply of beer for alcoholics in case they go through withdrawal (which can be fatal). Some hospitals even have beer cans with prescription labels. 
3. In a study to improve hospital design for children, researchers polled 250 children regarding their opinions on clowns and every single one of them reported disliking or fearing them.
4. For one day in 1940, a section of a hospital in Ottawa, Canada became international territory so that a Dutch Princess could be born a full Dutch citizen (a requirement to be a Dutch Princess). Every year the Netherlands sends Canada a gift of tulips to show their gratitude. 
5. It was common for hospitals in Germany to have a brewery. Patients used to get a beer before going to bed. 
In 2009, a retired policeman called Geraint Woolford was admitted to Abergale Hospital in north Wales and ended up next to another retired policeman called Geraint Woolford. The men weren’t related, had never met and were the only two people in the UK called Geraint Woolford. 
7. In 2012, a Texas Hospital billed a woman $4800 after she was in an accident. Once the hospital found out that she received an insurance settlement, they sent her a new bill for $20,000+ and filed a lien against her property to get it. 
8. British Rail once held up a train for 20 minutes so that a distraught man could get to his mother in hospital before she died. 
9. 25 hospitals in North America and Europe have visual messages strategically placed near the ceilings in operating rooms. These messages are only visible when read from above, and are part of an on-going study to test the validity of people claiming to have ‘out of body’ experiences.
10. Last year, a 66-year-old Chinese man went to the hospital because of stomach pain, only to discover that he had been a woman his whole life and that his stomach pain was caused by a large, benign ovarian cyst.
Random Joke of the Day 
R.I.P Boiling water. You will be mist.

The most popular item in Walmart's stock, is banana's, they sell more than of these than anything else.


Can I Speak My Mind ?


New Release - 


Can I Speak My Mind is a collection of short stories and poetry written by, for and about people who have been affected by mental health issues.

Some of the pieces are heartbreaking, some are hopeful, some are even funny…but what they all are is honest.

All profits from the sale of this book will go to mental health charities.

By buying this anthology you have contributed to people who go that extra mile to help sufferers in the community. These groups volunteer selflessly. Your money will help them to continue providing much needed support.

So well done you, you are a hero.

Here is a link to the Amazon page - 

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Can-I-Speak-My-Mind/dp/1728787599/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1541082559&sr=8-4&keywords=can+I+speak+my+mind 

Can I Speak My Mind





Neville Raper is a Broadcaster, Poet, Author, Playwriter and a blogger. He is an occasional stand up, regular sit down.

His award winning books can be found on Amazon, Kobo, Barnes Noble and Kindle.