Saturday and it's Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater

In Today's Issue

Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater by Susan McCartney
Pumpkins
Saturday Advice Column with Annette Curtain
That's Amaaaaaaazing
Random Joke of the Day
Finish with a Song

Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater

Had a wife but couldn’t keep her

He put her in a pumpkin shell

There he kept her very well

Peter, eater of pumpkin pies

Had a wife who spun him lies

Of other men she’d had a score

But Pete suspected many more

He’d begged her to be true

But into a rage she always flew

Punched his nose, knocked him down

Then off she waltzed to the bars in town

There she drank to excess

Whilst showing off her ‘Sunday Best’

Short skirt with two more cheeks to powder

With each gin her voice grew louder

He’d known her reputation as ‘town bike’

And should’ve told her to take a hike

But to his endless shame

He loved this feckless, brazen dame

One night he’d had enough

When off she went to ‘strut her stuff’

He could like it or lump it

But had to deal with this strumpet

He took the keys of his car

And drove off to her favourite bar

No mistaking those raucous peals

When out she tottered in six inch heels

He took her arm and kissed her cheek

But she sneered and called him weak

She took to highly vocal jeering

With the whole town hearing!

The other guys Pete could not match

So off he drove to the pumpkin patch

His crime the townsfolk all suspected

Turn him in?  The idea rejected

There she lies under pumpkin shell

And Pete is doing very well

To the town’s surprise

He took a wife who makes him pies

Peach, apple, anything, something

But never, ever pumpkin

Pumpkin Facts !!

Pumpkins originated in Central America.

Pumpkins are really squash... members of the squash family.

A pumpkin is a fruit. Most people think of it as a vegetable.

Pumpkins are 90% water.

The largest pumpkin ever grown is 2,323.7 pounds. 

The largest pumpkin pie weighed 3,699 pounds, and is 20 feet in diameter.

Pumpkins are grown all over the world on six of the seven continents, with Antarctica being the sole exception. They are even grown in Alaska.

A pumpkin is not a Jack O'Lantern, until it is carved.

Pumpkins were once recommended as a cure for freckles.

They were used as a remedy for snake bites.

Pumpkin seeds help avoid prostate cancer in men.

Halloween evolved, in part, from the Celtic tradition of All Hallow's Eve.

Native Americans fed pumpkins to their horses.

Pumpkin flour can be used in place of wheat flour. It has many health and medicinal benefits.

Pumpkins are gluten free.

At the first Thanksgiving feast in 1621, the pilgrims did not serve pumpkin pie, Rather, they made stewed pumpkin.

Saturday Advice Column With Annette Curtain

Hello, I am a recognised expert in the field of advice, all I have to do is look in the mirror and there I am.

I am always discreet and never disclose anyone's contact details when they write to me.

Today, I've had a letter from a lovely gent from London. Here is his letter...

Dear Annette,

I love a soft boiled egg but I can never get them right, they're either too runny or rock hard.

Can you help

Regards

Ray Kupleaves

Yes, of course I can help anonymous man from London.
Simply pop your egg in a pan, put it on the stove then get into your car.

Drive at exactly 60 miles an hour for 3 miles then all your wife to take the egg off.
Volia perfect egg !!

When the last official Blockbuster Video closed in November 2013, the final rental was the apocalyptic comedy This Is the End.

Random Joke of the Day

I'm getting nervous about my maths exam result. I think I've got a 40-40% chance of passing. 


Finish with a Song
Given the theme this is Smashing Pumpkins with Bullet with Butterfly
Wings, released in 1995.