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Showing posts with label QI. Show all posts
Showing posts with label QI. Show all posts

Tuesday 19 September 2017

Hurricane

In Today's Issue

Escaping the Hurricanes by Anne Rhodes
Hurricanes
Random Joke of the Day
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing
Tales of the Unaccepted now on Kobo
Finish with a Song





ESCAPING THE HURRICANES     ©  Anne Rhodes

Sometimes the bad things, sad things in my life
Loom large and take up all my precious thoughts
Sometimes depression blocks off reasoning
And I can curl up in my shell for weeks.

Then suddenly the outside world breaks through
Out in the outside world and seen from space
The warming world creates a deeper sea
And lands can flood or all their forests burn.

The wind blows stronger whipping into whorls
It grabs the extra water from the sea.
Faster spins the cloud to hurricane force
And drives itself towards the helpless isles.

Small low-lying helpless communities
Race away quite quickly by boat or plane.
Or hunker down through poverty and fear.
They pray they will not drown or lose their house.

The hurricane spins onward north-north-west
But to the south another one appears.
Tourists gone and all fishing boats destroyed
They tend the wounded, count the dead, and pray.

Now on the mainland, spins the whirling wind
Far ahead are long rows of fleeing cars.
Their money more, their houses better built,
So do they flee to save their precious skins?

Or is it that deep fear comes at us all
When faced with the unknown in any guise?
Our own small fears loom large inside our lives
As theirs who run from storm and hurricane.

We know not what goes on inside a mind;
A mind which keeps its counsel, hides its fears.
A trouble shared is halved, so it is said
Some of the weight lifted by listening ears.




  1. Hurricanes are large, spiraling tropical storms that can pack wind speeds of over 160 mph and unleash more than 2.4 trillion gallons of rain a day.
  2. The deadliest U.S. hurricane on record was a Category 4 storm that hit the island city of Galveston, Texas, on Sept. 8, 1900. Some 8,000 people lost their lives when the island was destroyed by 15-ft waves and 130-mph winds.
  3. Over 1/3 of cat and dog owners don't have a disaster preparedness plan in place for their animals. Help neighbors and friends come up with a hurricane plan for their pets.
  4. In the Atlantic, hurricane season starts June 1, while in the Pacific it starts May 15. Both end on November 30.
  5. When they come onto land, the heavy rain, strong winds and heavy waves can damage buildings, trees and cars. The heavy waves are called a storm surge.

  1. 0% of the hurricanes that occur in the United States hit Florida.
  2. The difference between a tropical storm and a hurricane is wind speed – tropical storms usually bring winds of 36 to 47 mph, whereas hurricane wind speeds are at least 74 mph.
  3. Hurricanes rotate in a counter-clockwise direction around the eye. The rotating storm clouds create the "eye wall," which is the most destructive part of the storm.
  4. Hurricanes are classified into 5 categories, based on their wind speeds and potential to cause damage. Names can be "retired" if a hurricane has been really big and destructive. Retired names include Katrina, Andrew, Mitch and most recently Sandy.
  5. When the National Hurricane Center began giving official names to storms in 1953, they were all female. This practice of using only women’s names ended in 1978.
  6. The costliest hurricane to make landfall was Hurricane Katrina, a Category 5 storm that slammed Louisiana in August of 2005. Damages cost an estimated $108 billion.


I really have to do something about my battery addiction, maybe I'll have to start going to AA meetings ..



At the start of World War I, the US Airforce (then a component of the US army) had only 18 pilots and 5 - 12 airplanes.




Now Available on Kobo as an e-book at the bargain price of £3.50 ($4.70)

Cheaper than a bottle of wine...... treat yourself !!




Finish with a Song

This is Thunder Rolls by Garth Brooks released in 1990


Sunday 27 August 2017

International Forgiveness Day







In Today's Issue

International Forgiveness Day
Forgive Me
Random Joke of The Day
Albert's Bit
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing
Finish with a Song




International Forgiveness Day

Forgiveness Day is a day to forgive and to be forgiven. 

So today take a time to forgive someone, after all, we are all, only human

Forgive Me

All my trespasses and those who
have trespassed against me
Forgive my unforgivable acts
I could always see

Sometimes my thoughts
are not quite my own
But him without sin
Well throw that hard stone

I have done awful things
and have punished myself
beyond anything metered out
jailed by mental health

I have ran, I have fled
I have fought, I have bled

But I never escape
The man in the mirror
My hopes and my dreams
Never get nearer

So I'll try and I hope 
And pray I will cope

So forgive my misdeeds
Lend me your prayer beads
And let me just live
and let live




Random Joke of the Day

I think my job interview to be a Bug Sorter went well. I boxed all the right ticks............



Now Albert's bit :-




Hello to all my human fans.....
Well this week I've started pooing on the bathroom mat.

I've seen Nev do it, so I thought it was probably the best place. Obviously, I didn't do it in the 
toilet as that's where I drink !

Nev seems pretty pleased as he picks it up and flushes it away. That's if he notices, the other day, for some reason he stood in it and then danced across the bathroom to the shower, very strange ! and
the language, well I can tell you, it turned my brown ears blue.

He muttered something about feeding me condoms, then on a morning it'll be ready bagged !!

Well gotta go now,..... Postman to catch and all that....

See you all soon !!


Albert x




That's Amaaaaaaaaaaazing

The medical name for your bum crack is......Intergluteal Cleft


Finish with a Song

This is Don Henley with Heart of the Matter, released in 1989



Friday 4 August 2017

Saturday and it's Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater


In Today's Issue

Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater by Susan McCartney
Pumpkins
Saturday Advice Column with Annette Curtain
That's Amaaaaaaazing
Random Joke of the Day
Finish with a Song






Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater
Had a wife but couldn’t keep her
He put her in a pumpkin shell
There he kept her very well

Peter, eater of pumpkin pies
Had a wife who spun him lies

Of other men she’d had a score
But Pete suspected many more

He’d begged her to be true
But into a rage she always flew

Punched his nose, knocked him down
Then off she waltzed to the bars in town

There she drank to excess
Whilst showing off her ‘Sunday Best’

Short skirt with two more cheeks to powder
With each gin her voice grew louder

He’d known her reputation as ‘town bike’
And should’ve told her to take a hike

But to his endless shame
He loved this feckless, brazen dame

One night he’d had enough
When off she went to ‘strut her stuff’

He could like it or lump it
But had to deal with this strumpet

He took the keys of his car
And drove off to her favourite bar

No mistaking those raucous peals
When out she tottered in six inch heels

He took her arm and kissed her cheek
But she sneered and called him weak

She took to highly vocal jeering

With the whole town hearing!

The other guys Pete could not match
So off he drove to the pumpkin patch

His crime the townsfolk all suspected
Turn him in?  The idea rejected

There she lies under pumpkin shell
And Pete is doing very well

To the town’s surprise
He took a wife who makes him pies

Peach, apple, anything, something
But never, ever pumpkin



Pumpkin Facts !!

Pumpkins originated in Central America.

Pumpkins are really squash... members of the squash family.

A pumpkin is a fruit. Most people think of it as a vegetable.

Pumpkins are 90% water.

The largest pumpkin ever grown is 2,323.7 pounds. 

The largest pumpkin pie weighed 3,699 pounds, and is 20 feet in diameter.

Pumpkins are grown all over the world on six of the seven continents, with Antarctica being the sole exception. They are even grown in Alaska.

A pumpkin is not a Jack O'Lantern, until it is carved.

Pumpkins were once recommended as a cure for freckles.

They were used as a remedy for snake bites.

Pumpkin seeds help avoid prostate cancer in men.

Halloween evolved, in part, from the Celtic tradition of All Hallow's Eve.

Native Americans fed pumpkins to their horses.

Pumpkin flour can be used in place of wheat flour. It has many health and medicinal benefits.

Pumpkins are gluten free.

At the first Thanksgiving feast in 1621, the pilgrims did not serve pumpkin pie, Rather, they made stewed pumpkin.



Saturday Advice Column With Annette Curtain


Hello, I am a recognised expert in the field of advice, all I have to do is look in the mirror and there I am.

I am always discreet and never disclose anyone's contact details when they write to me.
Today, I've had a letter from a lovely gent from London. Here is his letter...

Dear Annette,

I love a soft boiled egg but I can never get them right, they're either too runny or rock hard.

Can you help

Regards

Ray Kupleaves

Yes, of course I can help anonymous man from London.
Simply pop your egg in a pan, put it on the stove then get into your car.

Drive at exactly 60 miles an hour for 3 miles then all your wife to take the egg off.
Volia perfect egg !!




When the last official Blockbuster Video closed in November 2013, the final rental was the apocalyptic comedy This Is the End.





Random Joke of the Day

I'm getting nervous about my maths exam result. I think I've got a 40-40% chance of passing. 


Finish with a Song
Given the theme this is Smashing Pumpkins with Bullet with Butterfly
Wings, released in 1995.

Thursday 3 August 2017





In Today's Issue

Incy Wincy Spider by Dusan McCartney
(I hate spiders) Spiders
Question Impossible
Random Joke of the Day
That's Amaaaaaazing
Finish with a Song






Incy Wincy Spider - Susan McCartney

Incy Wincy Spider went up the water spout
Down came the rain and washed the spider out
Out came the sun and dried up all the rain
Incy Wincy Spider crawled up the spout again

  
Hey Ince!  What’s the crack?
You climb that spout and get washed back

You doing this for a bet?
Look at you– you’re soaking wet

You must be mad to do such stuff
Are you daft or just super-tough?

Why act out this crazy plan
There is a better way my man

Trust in me, I’ve got this sussed
There’s no need to climb that pipe or bust

Forget that spout
Chuck it out!

To get ahead
Climb the wall instead!

(Try rapping this)




TOP 10 MOST POISONERS SPIDERS IN THE WORLD

10. Wolf Spider

9. Red-Legged Widow Spider

8. Yellow Sac Spider

7. Six-eyed Sand Spider

6. Sydney Funnel Web Spider

5. Black Widow spider

4. Brown Widow Spider

3. Brown Recluse spider

2. Redback Spider





1. The Brazilian Wandering Spider

At the top position, we have the Brazilian Wandering Spider (Phoneutria fera). It is the most venomous spider according to the Guinness world records. Like its name suggests, the spiders are eager travelers and turn up even in unexpected places. Its venom is many times more deadly than that of many other spiders in this list. It leads to muscle shock and paralysis and in certain cases, death. Children are particularly vulnerable against the venom. There have been numerous deaths reported over the years.



Question Impossible

This is where I ask you a tough question......it's nearly impossible....
What is the worlds biggest spider ?


Random Joke of the Day

I read that when you flush a toilet in Australia, the water goes the opposite way to toilets in England. That must make one hell of a mess.



Certain species of jumping spiders can see into spectrums we humans cannot. A few have been shown to be able to see both UVA and UVB light.


Question Impossible

I asked - What is the worlds biggest spider ?

The South American Goliath birdeater (Theraphosa blondi) is the world's largest spider, according to Guinness World Records. Itslegs can reach up to one foot (30 centimeters) and it can weight up to 6 oz. (170 grams)

Finish with a Song

Here we have Boris the Spider by the Who, released in 1966