Be Late for Something Day

In Today's Issue

Be late for something Day
Late
Did you know?.....Late
Random Joke of the Day
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing
Finish with a Song

Be late for something Day

Sorry the blog is late today, I was celebrating today's special day !

So, if you're a procrastinator, well you would be, but you're busy today...you'll do it tomorrow.

Then this day is for you !

I've always been fashionably late, and intend to be so for my funeral.

So enjoy today....eventually !

Late

I'm late I'm late

for a very important

Date

What makes you late

For any date

Is it planning or

travel

That makes this task

unravel 

Perhaps it's traffic

on road or rail

A plane or boat

with broken sail

But what about the 

other side

The ones that waiting

Perhaps the bride

They stand and they wait

they fret and they worry

While you take your time

There's no need to hurry

So you will be late

and keep them waiting

Take the scorn, looks

and berating 

But there's one date

where you won't be late

It's when you're late

And packed in a crate

Did you know?.....Late

You send the ‘just leaving now’ text on a daily basis – even though you’re still in bed

Your version of ‘on time’ is different to everyone else’s

You tactically prepare your excuses based on the occasion

You’ve got the apologetic in transit message sorted as well

You secretly believe that your friends tell you an earlier time than everyone else

Public transport is your arch nemesis

When you are on time something will always happen

You’re always optimistic about the next trip though

You have convinced yourself that ‘fashionably late’ is a real thing

Random Joke of the Day

I’m addicted to seaweed.

 I must seek kelp.

When a male bee climaxes, their testicles explode then they die.

(ouch!)

Finish with a Song

This is the Rizzle Kicks with Always Late, released in 2016

Labour Day

In Today's Issue

Labor/Labour Day
Holiday
Random Joke
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing
Finish with a Song

Happy Labor Day to my American chums.
You have Labor day we have Bank Holidays.

Our last one was last week 28th August.

So why are yours called Labor Day?

Labor Day in the United States is a public holiday celebrated on the first Monday in September. It honours the American labor movement and the contributions that workers have made to the strength, prosperity, laws and well-being of the country. It is the Monday of the long weekend known as Labor Day Weekend and it is considered the unofficial end of summer in the United States. 

So why are ours called Bank Holiday's?

In the early nineteenth century, the bank of England had observed around 33 saints' days and religious festivals as holidays. By 1834, this had been reduced to just four.

Bank holidays were first introduced by the Bank Holidays Act of 1871, which designated four holidays in England, Wales and Northern Ireland, and five in Scotland.

It has been suggested by some that the term 'Bank' was used in favour of 'Public' as it gave the holidays more importance, and that if banks shut, then other businesses would do the same.

Allegedly the four English holidays were picked by the MP Sir John Lubbock as they coincided with cricket matches.

These were Easter Monday, the first Monday in August, the 26th December, and Whit Monday (England, Wales and Northern Ireland) and New Year's Day, Good Friday, the first Monday in May, the first Monday in August, and Christmas Day (Scotland).

Holiday

Take a day to rest your
head
To laze about or stay in
bed

Take a walk smell the 
flowers
Use your senses all 
your powers

Play or rest don't try not 
to work
Sing and dance I think
I'll twerk!

Spend time with family
friends and folks
Catch up on stories
tales and jokes

One day to celebrate and
take some time
For yourself just you
Hey that's no crime!

Random Joke of The Day

B.B.C News: In a new study "Humans eat more bananas than monkeys".  To be honest, I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

The brain is our fattiest organ, it's composed of 60% fat !!



Finish with a Song

This is Madonna with Holiday released in 1983

Sunday Socks

In today's Issue

Sunday Socks
Did you know? Socks
Random Joke of the Day
Tales of the Unaccepted 
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing
The Sunday Service

Sunday Socks

It seems trendy with hipsters at the moment to go without.

I must admit, I rarely wear them myself.......but, not for the reason

you probably think.

As most of you know, I own ? manage a little fellah called Albert.

He's part Jack Russell part piranha.....

His fetish is my underwear, pants and socks.

As a consequence I don't own one matching pair of socks and,

when it comes to pants, well lets just say, if your going to an

adult lingerie, I can save you a lot of money, and provide free

crotchless pants !

I love my socks

upon my feet

They make my

toes look really neat

They soak up sweat

or keep me warm

They smell so bad

like chloroform

Athletes foot

and verrucas sore

They disappear in my

black whole drawer

But worst of all

they're Albert's chew

and I have to pick them

out of his poo !!

Did you Know? ... Socks

A recent survey revealed that 676 million socks are lost in the UK every year. 

The oldest known socks were found in Egypt and date back to between the years 250 and 420. 

The word sock came into Old English from the Latin soccus, a loose-fitting shoe or slipper. The modern meaning arrived around 1400. 

Around 1600, one meaning of the verb “to sock” was “to sew a corpse into a shroud”. 

Albert Einstein never wore socks. He gave them up as a child, annoyed at the holes made by big toes. 

A thousand-year-old Viking sock from Coppergate, York was included among the BBC’s 100 items that tell the History Of The World. - AND I'VE SEEN IT !!

Until 2013, standard Russian military uniform used foot cloths instead of socks.

An ornamental pattern in silk thread on the side of a sock or stocking is called a “clock”. 

The Merry Wives Of Windsor is the only Shakespeare play that mentions socks. 

Random Joke of the Day

News: 98-year-old woman marries 94-year-old man in New York. If you would like to get them a gift … Hurry.

Reviews for Tales of the Unaccepted

Top customer reviews

5.0 out of 5 starsA very enyoyable read

ByJim Purtillon 19 July 2017

Format: Paperback|Verified Purchase

It was a pleasure to read this book. Neville Raper is clearly a genuinely funny man. His engaging and self-deprecating sense of humour runs through these stories, but this is a lot more than just a funny book. Some of these stories explore the dark side of life and have a powerful sting in the tail (and tale).
This is not run-of-the-mill fiction. It is different, quirky and original.
I enjoy Neville’s easy style. He says that he enjoys writing and it shows. He has a real way with words. He uses excellent imagery in these pages and reveals himself as an astute observer of mankind.
I look forward to reading more of the work of this very promising writer.

5.0 out of 5 starsGreat - I love short stories and these have good ...

ByAmazon Customeron 20 July 2017

Format: Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase

Great - I love short stories and these have good twists, unexpected endings and more - ideal for that train/bus journey to work. I'm waiting for the next.

5.0 out of 5 starsNot your average book of short stories

ByAmazon Customeron 22 July 2017

Format: Paperback|Verified Purchase

I can honestly say i have not read a book like this, it is BRILLIANT. Short stories with so much content. The humour, the dry wit, the twists and turns. I cannot oversell this book! Cannot wait for the next one.

5.0 out of 5 starsEntertaining short reads.

ByAmazon Customeron 21 July 2017

Format: Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase

A cracking collection of slightly skewed short stories. Each of them ideal to read when you have a spare five minutes or so.......not suggesting when that may be, but remember to wash your hands afterwards.

5.0 out of 5 starsLoved the twists

ByT Southworthon 15 July 2017

Format: Paperback|Verified Purchase

Loved it...a lot of the stories had a twist which I really enjoyed. I also enjoyed the sneak preview of the next book.....

Comment|

5.0 out of 5 starsFive Stars

Bysinead egertonon 25 July 2017

Format: Paperback|Verified Purchase

A lovely book and a great read definitely recommend you buy this book

5.0 out of 5 starsFive Stars

ByAmazon Customeron 25 July 2017

Format: Paperback|Verified Purchase

Thoroughly enjoyed this book. Each story was thought provoking, and well written. Looking forward to the next book.

5.0 out of 5 starsIf you enjoy the unexpected then this book is for you

ByAmazon Customeron 14 July 2017

Format: Paperback

To Buy Your own Copy, Paperback or Kindle

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Tales-Unaccepted-Mr-Neville-Raper/dp/1548896446/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1501014922&sr=8-1&keywords=neville+raper

The first atomic bomb was created in 1945, it was nicknamed 'The Gadget'

The Right Reverend Father Down from the Church of Our Holy God Zilla

Good Morning Dear Friends, Hello and welcome to today's Sunday Service.

As you know I am regularly asked by my parishioners if believe that the Devil gave us Rock & Roll.

I always preach that I believe our Lord gave us this music, after all didn't the congregation of Kiss tell us....

"God Gave Rock and Roll to us, gave rock & roll to us, put it in our soul for everyone....

Yes I believe that our Lord gave us the gift of Rock.... So this morning I'd like you to let your hairs down and gently thrash with me to today's heavenly hit.

So now gently bow your head raise your head, bow your head raise your head...you get the drift, and raise your voices, as one, in exhalation to the angelic sound of  .. 

The Darkness with I believe in a thing called Love, released in 2003