Labour Day

In Today's Issue

Labor/Labour Day
Holiday
Random Joke
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing
Finish with a Song

Happy Labor Day to my American chums.
You have Labor day we have Bank Holidays.

Our last one was last week 28th August.

So why are yours called Labor Day?

Labor Day in the United States is a public holiday celebrated on the first Monday in September. It honours the American labor movement and the contributions that workers have made to the strength, prosperity, laws and well-being of the country. It is the Monday of the long weekend known as Labor Day Weekend and it is considered the unofficial end of summer in the United States. 

So why are ours called Bank Holiday's?

In the early nineteenth century, the bank of England had observed around 33 saints' days and religious festivals as holidays. By 1834, this had been reduced to just four.

Bank holidays were first introduced by the Bank Holidays Act of 1871, which designated four holidays in England, Wales and Northern Ireland, and five in Scotland.

It has been suggested by some that the term 'Bank' was used in favour of 'Public' as it gave the holidays more importance, and that if banks shut, then other businesses would do the same.

Allegedly the four English holidays were picked by the MP Sir John Lubbock as they coincided with cricket matches.

These were Easter Monday, the first Monday in August, the 26th December, and Whit Monday (England, Wales and Northern Ireland) and New Year's Day, Good Friday, the first Monday in May, the first Monday in August, and Christmas Day (Scotland).

Holiday

Take a day to rest your
head
To laze about or stay in
bed

Take a walk smell the 
flowers
Use your senses all 
your powers

Play or rest don't try not 
to work
Sing and dance I think
I'll twerk!

Spend time with family
friends and folks
Catch up on stories
tales and jokes

One day to celebrate and
take some time
For yourself just you
Hey that's no crime!

Random Joke of The Day

B.B.C News: In a new study "Humans eat more bananas than monkeys".  To be honest, I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

The brain is our fattiest organ, it's composed of 60% fat !!



Finish with a Song

This is Madonna with Holiday released in 1983

Witches Knickers

In Today's Issue

Witches Knickers by Anne Rhodes
Did you Know ? ... Witches
Friday's Advice Column with Anna Fender
Random Joke of the Day
That's Amaaaaaaaaaazing
Finish with a Song

Witches Knickers by Anne Rhodes

WITCHES KNICKERS        © Anne Rhodes

I heard on the radio, the other night,

Of the undies the witches leave behind

As they skim down low from a scary height

On whatever old transport they can find.

Don't ever believe those who swear as true

That broomsticks are all that witches can ride

Because when they're stuck, an old cloud will do

As transport across the dark countryside.

It's when the wind blows through the bare tree twigs

That they lose their knickers for all to see.

They ride far too close, hands holding their wigs,

Then modesty's gone with a one, two, three

What you think you see are thin plastic bags

Twisted and torn caught on those twigs so bare          

But in truth they're the pants, now blown to rags,

Of the witches who forgot to take care.

                                  They rushed on their broomsticks and scraped their knees                                         

Playing chase with their friends from high to low.

They snagged their knickers on those wintry trees

all modesty gone - they've no shame, you know!

You weren't sure that flying witches exist.

There's proof for you with their knickers flapping           

On all the branches in a plastic mist.

Those witches who play and cheer whilst clapping!

Did you Know - Witches
1.A witch is not a satanist. 

2.The broom stick was used for cleansing rituals not for flying. 

3.The witches hat at one time represented authority and the respect from the local community. 

4.Most villages and rural community had a wise women in the past, who were later accused of being an evil witch by the church. 

5.Most women accused of witch craft where innocent that included the many mid-wives. 

6.You wouldn't know a witch if they where speaking to you, there is no preference for clothing nor age. 

7.Witch craft is considered pagan but can have elements of many other religions including Christianity. 

8.Men can be witches. 

9.A witch can be solitary(hedge witch) or belong to a coven. 

10. A witches familiar is not always a cat but can be anything from a spirit to a door mouse.

Fridays Advice Column 

With your host - Anna Fender

Hello everyone, my name is Anna Fender, I have been a specialist in giving advice since I was three months. I remember, at that time, advising my Mummy and Daddy on contraception,
I wanted to be an only child...

This week I've had a letter from a young lady from Barnsley, obviously, in order to ensure I

keep her anonymity I wont tell you her name is Miss Carrie Okie.

Ey Up Anna,

I have a rite shocking  problem with fly away hair.

No matter what I put on it, hairspray, lard ! nothing seems to work. It's always flying about, it looks like I comb it with an egg whisk...

Can you help T'old luv?

Carrie Okie

Dear Barnsley girl,

Yes, of course I can help.

Simply pop down to your local Q and B and buy yourself some
"No more nails" or any such extra strong glue.

Rub it into your hair, as you would your lard, let it set and viola your hair

will never fly away again......never.

Your's Anna

Random Joke of the Day

If you get angry, just relax, take a deep breath and count to 10. Unless of course you're angry about oxygen and numbers.

That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing !

Baked beans aren't baked, they are stewed.


Finish with a Song

This is Witchy Woman by The Eagles released in 1972

Carrier Bags

In Today's Issue

The Plastic Bag by Marjory Lacy
Did you Know - Bags
Random Joke of the Day
Incredible Accurate Horoscopes
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing 
Finish with a Song

The Plastic Bag.

The carrier bag is a very useful thing,

for carrying your shopping home.

Once they are empty…. what do

you do with them…  that is the thing??

Do you throw them in the bin?

hide them in a cupboard?

Do you fold them up neatly?

Blow them up and prick with a pin?

Do you let them have freedom?

To live a bag-life, blown by the wind.

So they can fly the thermals to

rival the birds in height and speed.

Is it good for them to have freedom?

Is fair to let them blow and whirl about?

What dangerous adventures they can

have dodging cars on the motorways!

Is it good for them to have freedom?

to be stuck in trees, to be deep in the sea.

To be put over heads of murder victims?

Or worse, the self-harm of suicides?

Plastic bags alone can live for ever.

They do not choose to biodegrade.

What will the Geo-phiz of future

generations make of our plastic bags?

Did You Know?..............Plastic Bag

Every second, 160,000 plastic bags are used around the world.

The amount of petroleum it takes to produce one plastic bag could drive a car 11 metres (36 ft).

A plastic bag is used for an average of 12 minutes.

267 different species of animals have been affected by marine debris.

If we joined all the plastic bags in the world together, they would circumnavigate the globe 4,200 times.

If just one person used recycled plastic bags over their lifetime, they would be removing 22,000 plastic bags from the environment.

Plastic bags are among the 12 items of debris most found in coastal clean-ups.

Random Joke of the Day

I spent all week erecting a new fence in my garden. My neighbour commented on my Facebook page that it wasn't straight so I unfriended him. That's the last time he comments on my posts!

This weeks Extremely Accurate Horoscopes With  Paul T Gyce

Hello, I've been expecting you. My name is Paul T Gyce I have been an astrologer to the stars for over 70 years which is a testament to my skills as I'm 55.

Sit back and wonder how accurate my predictions will be for you, this coming week !!

Aries March 21 – April 20

This week you will meet a tall dark handsome man, unfortunately, he doesn't 

like you.

Your lucky stone this week is Sharon.

Taurus April 21 – May 21

DUCK ! RIGHT NOW DUCK, QUICKLY...

Too late. 

Your lucky colour, now, is red

Gemini May 22 – June 21

Once again, being a Gemini you are in 2 minds, both are in agreement that

you need a haircut, but only on one head.

Lucky Animal - Push Me Pull Me

Cancer June 22 – July 23

MMMM........crab......

Lucky Sauce - Seafood

Leo July 24 – Aug 23

This week you will feel caged, Remember pride comes before a fall,

The mane thing is try to avoid puns.

Your Lucky Food is Zebra

Virgo Aug 24 – Sep 23

Virgo's are brilliant and this week everything will be brilliant because you are so great.

Everyone loves you and you deserve it. If you're not a Virgo... then tough.

Your lucky thing this week is every thing !!

Libra Sept 24 – Oct 23

Libra's are quite astute and will have probably, by now, worked out what star sign

I am. This week you will be asked to weigh something.

Lucky Clothing - A bra...

Scorpio Oct 24 – Nov 22

My ex was a Scorpio and I've never met a nice one. They are fundamentally evil people and will do everything in their power to make sure they get the house, car and your collection of "specialist" video's.... I mean what does she need with 48 video's on ermmmm my hobby. Well I tell you two can play that game, I'm keeping her underwear, It fits me better than her anyway.

Famous Scorpio's 

Crippin

Adolf Hitler

Vlad The Impaler

Danny La Rue

Sagittarius Nov 23 – Dec 22

Just what is a Sagittarius ? I mean I get the rest, animals, things, but this ??? nope.

Any ways, no idea what's going to happen to you as I have no idea what you are.... Oh, sometime this week you will breath.

Lucky Word - Meh !

Capricorn Dec 23 – Jan 20

This week, just like a goat you will over eat. Just try not to eat underwear some of that stuff is really expensive.

Lucky Saying - Who ate all the pies.

Lucky Number - 3.14159265359

Aquarius Jan 21 – Feb 19

By now I'm getting a bit tired, the spirits running through me are becoming dry. I need fluid, and ironically this is your sign. This week you will be rained on.

Lucky Fluid - Rain

Pisces Feb 20 – March 20

Why is it that Pisces is always last on the list, I mean it doesn't make any sense, the year begins with January so shouldn't it start with Capricorn ?

It's all barmy really, Anyways the constellation says that this week you will

find yourself in a room and forget why you went in there for in the first place. Don't worry you're not losing it, it's already gone.

Lucky Dating Site - Plenty Of Fish

That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing

Eight of the ten largest statues in the world are of Buddah

Finish with a Song

This is James Brown with Pappa's Got a Brand New Bag, released in 1966