More Flash Poetry

In Today's Issue

More Flash Poetry
The Sea
Did you Know? ..... The Sea Side
Random Joke of the Day
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing
Finish with a Joke

Yesterday I showed you some "Flash Poetry" and I asked for your examples, Quick as a Wink, Here is Marjory Lacy with her work ( she currently on holiday....can you tell? )

The  Seaside.

Sea, sand, kids and dogs.

Ice cream, hot chocolate.

Pizza for tea.

Don’t want to go home!

Moon.

Moon, Oh! Moon,

Where are you tonight?

Behind the clouds,

Out of sight!

Seagulls.

Seagulls hover,

watch you eating

You can see

What they are thinking.

Sun/rain.

There’s the sun gone again.

The sky’s gone dull, quick RUN!

Here comes the rain, rain, rain!

Furry Animals.

Do you like furry animals?

That you can cuddle and love.

Stroking their backs and ears.

Looking into their bright eyes.

And if they have one - see tails wag.

Rainbow.

High in the sky a rainbow

Appears, so pretty after the rain.

Its bright arch has gold at its ends.

And one more from me .....

The sea is trying to tell me something

but it's drowned out

Did you Know?.......The Sea Side

The UK’s coastline is well over 6,000 kilometres long!

The tallest recorded sand castle is 12.59 m (41 ft 3.67 in) tall.

The first English ice cream recipe was published in 1718.

The tallest ice cream cone was 9ft

Sandy beaches are mostly made of silica (SiO2) in the form of the mineral quartz.

The longest beach in the world is arguably Praia do Cassino (Casino Beach) in the city of Rio Grande, Brazil. It is approximately 212 km (132mi) long.

What do you get if you cross a motorway with a fridge? Killed.

The oldest condoms ever found date back to the 1640s (they were found in a cesspit at Dudley Castle), and were made from animal and fish intestines.

Finish with a Song
This is the Beach Boys with Californian Girls release in 1966

Flash Poetry

In Today's Issue

Flash Poetry
This weeks Horoscopes
Random Joke of the Day
Finish with a Song

Flash Poetry

Do you have an inner poet? One way to 'dip your toe' is to try short prose.
One good rule to follow is to try and use metaphors, this will help you 'show' your reader what you are trying to say, rather than tell them.

Here's some of my examples.

gold

I watch the gymnastic leaf
tumble, topple and flip in the gutter
when it's done, it lays exhausted

Perhaps waiting for its gold medal.

tick tock

My heart is a clock
It ticks away my
routine heart
Humdrum drum drum
drum

crucifix

I live in the gaps
caused by my losses
The cracks in my life
Hide all my crosses

Torch

I could read in the dark
From the light in your
eyes

n raper 2017


Enjoy? hope so, have a go yourself......oh and send me your examples via the contact button.
They will be seen around the world.

This weeks Extremely Accurate Horoscopes With  Paul T Gyce

Hello, you're late ! As you well know, my name is Paul T Gyce. I've been the astrologer to kings and queens and some kings...

Now, sit back and bask in the wonder of how accurate my predictions will be for you, this coming week !!

Aries March 21 – April 20

This week you will lose 2lb's...It's down the back of the sofa.

Your lucky weight this week is 2lb less than you
weigh right now

Taurus April 21 – May 21

The moon is in ascendancy, I'll be honest
I'm not sure what that means, but I can tell you that this week
you'll have a drink.

Lucky Drink - Tizer and Advocaat

Gemini May 22 – June 21

The sign of the twins, this week you will be in two minds about growing a beard. If you're
a man go for it, if your a woman, give it a try.

Lucky Band ZZ Top

Cancer June 22 – July 23

MMMM........crab......

Lucky side dish, Salad

Leo July 24 – Aug 23

At the start of the week you will be troubled with a feeling that you
have forgotten something, by next Friday, you will realise it was your pants.

Lucky Stone, Sylvester  

Virgo Aug 24 – Sep 23

You would think that given it 2017 it would be cool to be in the garden in underwear.
OK, it wasn't your garden or, your underwear, but still.

Unlucky Number - 999

Libra Sept 24 – Oct 23

This week you may find a large man in your garden in your
under wear, please don't judge.

Lucky Colour - See Through

Scorpio Oct 24 – Nov 22

My ex wife was a Scorpio, so this week you will coming back from a very
expensive holiday with your new boyfriend, the flash one who works at the
gym you go to. No wonder you went every night. I did start to wonder though when you didn't lose any weight, you're still a fat cow....and he dyes his hair !

Lucky Rock... Hudson

Sagittarius Nov 23 – Dec 22

This week you will walk into a bar, there will be a Scotch man and an Irish Man. One of you
will tell a joke.

Lucky Punchline - and then my hat flew off !

Capricorn Dec 23 – Jan 20

Today you will read your horoscope and marvel how accurate it is and
you will tell all your friends.

Lucky Blog - This One...Subscribe

Aquarius Jan 21 – Feb 19

This week you will walk into a bar and meet a Sagittarius she will order a
double entendre and you will give her one.

Lucky Place - Across the road with the chicken

Pisces Feb 20 – March 20

This week you must avoid people with beards as they may be Captain Birdseye
all he wants to do is show you his fishy fingers. 

Unlucky Coating - Bread Crumbs

Random Joke of the Day

Smoking will kill you... Bacon will kill you... But smoking bacon will cure it.


Finish with a Song

This is The Verve with Sonnet released in 1997

Witches Knickers

In Today's Issue

Witches Knickers by Anne Rhodes
Did you Know ? ... Witches
Friday's Advice Column with Anna Fender
Random Joke of the Day
That's Amaaaaaaaaaazing
Finish with a Song

Witches Knickers by Anne Rhodes

WITCHES KNICKERS        © Anne Rhodes

I heard on the radio, the other night,

Of the undies the witches leave behind

As they skim down low from a scary height

On whatever old transport they can find.

Don't ever believe those who swear as true

That broomsticks are all that witches can ride

Because when they're stuck, an old cloud will do

As transport across the dark countryside.

It's when the wind blows through the bare tree twigs

That they lose their knickers for all to see.

They ride far too close, hands holding their wigs,

Then modesty's gone with a one, two, three

What you think you see are thin plastic bags

Twisted and torn caught on those twigs so bare          

But in truth they're the pants, now blown to rags,

Of the witches who forgot to take care.

                                  They rushed on their broomsticks and scraped their knees                                         

Playing chase with their friends from high to low.

They snagged their knickers on those wintry trees

all modesty gone - they've no shame, you know!

You weren't sure that flying witches exist.

There's proof for you with their knickers flapping           

On all the branches in a plastic mist.

Those witches who play and cheer whilst clapping!

Did you Know - Witches
1.A witch is not a satanist. 

2.The broom stick was used for cleansing rituals not for flying. 

3.The witches hat at one time represented authority and the respect from the local community. 

4.Most villages and rural community had a wise women in the past, who were later accused of being an evil witch by the church. 

5.Most women accused of witch craft where innocent that included the many mid-wives. 

6.You wouldn't know a witch if they where speaking to you, there is no preference for clothing nor age. 

7.Witch craft is considered pagan but can have elements of many other religions including Christianity. 

8.Men can be witches. 

9.A witch can be solitary(hedge witch) or belong to a coven. 

10. A witches familiar is not always a cat but can be anything from a spirit to a door mouse.

Fridays Advice Column 

With your host - Anna Fender

Hello everyone, my name is Anna Fender, I have been a specialist in giving advice since I was three months. I remember, at that time, advising my Mummy and Daddy on contraception,
I wanted to be an only child...

This week I've had a letter from a young lady from Barnsley, obviously, in order to ensure I

keep her anonymity I wont tell you her name is Miss Carrie Okie.

Ey Up Anna,

I have a rite shocking  problem with fly away hair.

No matter what I put on it, hairspray, lard ! nothing seems to work. It's always flying about, it looks like I comb it with an egg whisk...

Can you help T'old luv?

Carrie Okie

Dear Barnsley girl,

Yes, of course I can help.

Simply pop down to your local Q and B and buy yourself some
"No more nails" or any such extra strong glue.

Rub it into your hair, as you would your lard, let it set and viola your hair

will never fly away again......never.

Your's Anna

Random Joke of the Day

If you get angry, just relax, take a deep breath and count to 10. Unless of course you're angry about oxygen and numbers.

That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing !

Baked beans aren't baked, they are stewed.


Finish with a Song

This is Witchy Woman by The Eagles released in 1972

Carrier Bags

In Today's Issue

The Plastic Bag by Marjory Lacy
Did you Know - Bags
Random Joke of the Day
Incredible Accurate Horoscopes
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing 
Finish with a Song

The Plastic Bag.

The carrier bag is a very useful thing,

for carrying your shopping home.

Once they are empty…. what do

you do with them…  that is the thing??

Do you throw them in the bin?

hide them in a cupboard?

Do you fold them up neatly?

Blow them up and prick with a pin?

Do you let them have freedom?

To live a bag-life, blown by the wind.

So they can fly the thermals to

rival the birds in height and speed.

Is it good for them to have freedom?

Is fair to let them blow and whirl about?

What dangerous adventures they can

have dodging cars on the motorways!

Is it good for them to have freedom?

to be stuck in trees, to be deep in the sea.

To be put over heads of murder victims?

Or worse, the self-harm of suicides?

Plastic bags alone can live for ever.

They do not choose to biodegrade.

What will the Geo-phiz of future

generations make of our plastic bags?

Did You Know?..............Plastic Bag

Every second, 160,000 plastic bags are used around the world.

The amount of petroleum it takes to produce one plastic bag could drive a car 11 metres (36 ft).

A plastic bag is used for an average of 12 minutes.

267 different species of animals have been affected by marine debris.

If we joined all the plastic bags in the world together, they would circumnavigate the globe 4,200 times.

If just one person used recycled plastic bags over their lifetime, they would be removing 22,000 plastic bags from the environment.

Plastic bags are among the 12 items of debris most found in coastal clean-ups.

Random Joke of the Day

I spent all week erecting a new fence in my garden. My neighbour commented on my Facebook page that it wasn't straight so I unfriended him. That's the last time he comments on my posts!

This weeks Extremely Accurate Horoscopes With  Paul T Gyce

Hello, I've been expecting you. My name is Paul T Gyce I have been an astrologer to the stars for over 70 years which is a testament to my skills as I'm 55.

Sit back and wonder how accurate my predictions will be for you, this coming week !!

Aries March 21 – April 20

This week you will meet a tall dark handsome man, unfortunately, he doesn't 

like you.

Your lucky stone this week is Sharon.

Taurus April 21 – May 21

DUCK ! RIGHT NOW DUCK, QUICKLY...

Too late. 

Your lucky colour, now, is red

Gemini May 22 – June 21

Once again, being a Gemini you are in 2 minds, both are in agreement that

you need a haircut, but only on one head.

Lucky Animal - Push Me Pull Me

Cancer June 22 – July 23

MMMM........crab......

Lucky Sauce - Seafood

Leo July 24 – Aug 23

This week you will feel caged, Remember pride comes before a fall,

The mane thing is try to avoid puns.

Your Lucky Food is Zebra

Virgo Aug 24 – Sep 23

Virgo's are brilliant and this week everything will be brilliant because you are so great.

Everyone loves you and you deserve it. If you're not a Virgo... then tough.

Your lucky thing this week is every thing !!

Libra Sept 24 – Oct 23

Libra's are quite astute and will have probably, by now, worked out what star sign

I am. This week you will be asked to weigh something.

Lucky Clothing - A bra...

Scorpio Oct 24 – Nov 22

My ex was a Scorpio and I've never met a nice one. They are fundamentally evil people and will do everything in their power to make sure they get the house, car and your collection of "specialist" video's.... I mean what does she need with 48 video's on ermmmm my hobby. Well I tell you two can play that game, I'm keeping her underwear, It fits me better than her anyway.

Famous Scorpio's 

Crippin

Adolf Hitler

Vlad The Impaler

Danny La Rue

Sagittarius Nov 23 – Dec 22

Just what is a Sagittarius ? I mean I get the rest, animals, things, but this ??? nope.

Any ways, no idea what's going to happen to you as I have no idea what you are.... Oh, sometime this week you will breath.

Lucky Word - Meh !

Capricorn Dec 23 – Jan 20

This week, just like a goat you will over eat. Just try not to eat underwear some of that stuff is really expensive.

Lucky Saying - Who ate all the pies.

Lucky Number - 3.14159265359

Aquarius Jan 21 – Feb 19

By now I'm getting a bit tired, the spirits running through me are becoming dry. I need fluid, and ironically this is your sign. This week you will be rained on.

Lucky Fluid - Rain

Pisces Feb 20 – March 20

Why is it that Pisces is always last on the list, I mean it doesn't make any sense, the year begins with January so shouldn't it start with Capricorn ?

It's all barmy really, Anyways the constellation says that this week you will

find yourself in a room and forget why you went in there for in the first place. Don't worry you're not losing it, it's already gone.

Lucky Dating Site - Plenty Of Fish

That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing

Eight of the ten largest statues in the world are of Buddah

Finish with a Song

This is James Brown with Pappa's Got a Brand New Bag, released in 1966