International Forgiveness Day

In Today's Issue

International Forgiveness Day
Forgive Me
Random Joke of The Day
Albert's Bit
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing
Finish with a Song

International Forgiveness Day

Forgiveness Day is a day to forgive and to be forgiven. 

So today take a time to forgive someone, after all, we are all, only human

Forgive Me

All my trespasses and those who
have trespassed against me
Forgive my unforgivable acts
I could always see

Sometimes my thoughts
are not quite my own
But him without sin
Well throw that hard stone

I have done awful things
and have punished myself
beyond anything metered out
jailed by mental health

I have ran, I have fled
I have fought, I have bled

But I never escape
The man in the mirror
My hopes and my dreams
Never get nearer

So I'll try and I hope 
And pray I will cope

So forgive my misdeeds
Lend me your prayer beads
And let me just live
and let live

Random Joke of the Day

I think my job interview to be a Bug Sorter went well. I boxed all the right ticks............

Now Albert's bit :-

Hello to all my human fans.....

Well this week I've started pooing on the bathroom mat.

I've seen Nev do it, so I thought it was probably the best place. Obviously, I didn't do it in the 

toilet as that's where I drink !

Nev seems pretty pleased as he picks it up and flushes it away. That's if he notices, the other day, for some reason he stood in it and then danced across the bathroom to the shower, very strange ! and

the language, well I can tell you, it turned my brown ears blue.

He muttered something about feeding me condoms, then on a morning it'll be ready bagged !!

Well gotta go now,..... Postman to catch and all that....

See you all soon !!

Albert x

That's Amaaaaaaaaaaazing

The medical name for your bum crack is......Intergluteal Cleft


Finish with a Song

This is Don Henley with Heart of the Matter, released in 1989

Overheard in the Hospital

In Today's Issue

Conversations in a Hospital Waiting Room
When do we get old ?
Random Joke of the Day
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing
Finish with a Song

Conversations in a Hospital Waiting Room


Today I spent some time hanging about a hospital waiting area. As writers do, I spent most of the time evesdropping on peoples conversations.

Here's snippits of what I heard.

Man walks into area, 66ish, grey well dressed, see's someone he knows.

"Ey up John, you all right?"
John.
"No"

Two women sat side by side visions in twin sets and pearls.

Lady number one,
"He's got a really good job, briefcase and everything"
Lady number two,
"Mmmm, shame he's useless"

Elderly couple, man in a suit and tie but scruffy shoes. woman sleeveless top, nice arms but the rest needs an iron.

Man stares at a large dark patch on the floor.
Woman nudges him, then starts to stare too.
Man,
"Wonder what caused that stain?"

Two men, One 70ish, bald with a hearing aid. Second man early 50's also bald, the resemblance to the older is uncanny, either father and son, or clones.

Father,
"So he wired up the cooker to the plug"
Son,
"Plug?"
Father,
"Yes they can only have two rings on at a time, if they put on the oven they fuse the whole street"

Father and Son...continued,

Dad
"Yes I know I'm diabetic, but I don't eat pork pies very night, I've got a cucumber in the fridge"

When do we get old?

Old people in waiting rooms.
Invisible people
They seem to lose definition
Greying out to almost translucency
Do they lose their colour
Or do we stop seeing them

When do we get old?
When do we start to disappear?
Where does all that experience go?

Waiting rooms, wasting time, it all becomes finite. We should live on.

Random Joke of the Day

I swallowed some scrabble letters by accident. My next poo could spell trouble.

The sum of all the numbers on a roulette wheel is 666.


Finish with a Song

Given the theme, this is Elvis Costello with Veronica released in 1989, listen to the lyrics.