International Forgiveness Day

In Today's Issue

International Forgiveness Day
Forgive Me
Random Joke of The Day
Albert's Bit
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing
Finish with a Song

International Forgiveness Day

Forgiveness Day is a day to forgive and to be forgiven. 

So today take a time to forgive someone, after all, we are all, only human

Forgive Me

All my trespasses and those who
have trespassed against me
Forgive my unforgivable acts
I could always see

Sometimes my thoughts
are not quite my own
But him without sin
Well throw that hard stone

I have done awful things
and have punished myself
beyond anything metered out
jailed by mental health

I have ran, I have fled
I have fought, I have bled

But I never escape
The man in the mirror
My hopes and my dreams
Never get nearer

So I'll try and I hope 
And pray I will cope

So forgive my misdeeds
Lend me your prayer beads
And let me just live
and let live

Random Joke of the Day

I think my job interview to be a Bug Sorter went well. I boxed all the right ticks............

Now Albert's bit :-

Hello to all my human fans.....

Well this week I've started pooing on the bathroom mat.

I've seen Nev do it, so I thought it was probably the best place. Obviously, I didn't do it in the 

toilet as that's where I drink !

Nev seems pretty pleased as he picks it up and flushes it away. That's if he notices, the other day, for some reason he stood in it and then danced across the bathroom to the shower, very strange ! and

the language, well I can tell you, it turned my brown ears blue.

He muttered something about feeding me condoms, then on a morning it'll be ready bagged !!

Well gotta go now,..... Postman to catch and all that....

See you all soon !!

Albert x

That's Amaaaaaaaaaaazing

The medical name for your bum crack is......Intergluteal Cleft


Finish with a Song

This is Don Henley with Heart of the Matter, released in 1989

Facebook

In today's Issue

Facebook
Facebook Facts
An Ode to Social Media
Random Joke of the Day
Finish with a Song


Today I heard some really interesting facts about Facebook..
So I thought I'd look for some more !

The average user has 130 friends

The average number of friends on Facebook is 130, and women tend to have somewhat more than men. 

Over 25% of users have been dumped by their partner via Facebook

And even worse, via the "change of stasis" button !!!

Facebook doesn't allow breastfeeding photos

Facebook causes 1 in 3 Divorces

It used to be the tell-tale lipstick on the collar. Then there were the give-away texts that spelled the death knell for many marriages. But now one in three divorces involve the social networking site Facebook.

A staggering 80 per cent of divorce lawyers have also reported cases that use social media for evidence of cheating.

36% of users check Facebook, Twitter or texts after sex

A recent study suggested that social networks are becoming an increasingly important part of young people's lives. Among under-35s, 36% admitted to "tweeting, texting and checking Facebook after sex." Forty percent of respondents admitted to doing so while driving, 64% said they do so at work, and 65% use these communication channels while on holiday. I know that my girlfriend check hers during sex !!!!!!!!

Facebook stores approximately 300 PETABYTES of user data on its servers. 

There are 1 million gigabytes in a petabyte. The entire written works of humankind, in every known language (including Latin and other historical languages) from the dawn of recorded history, would occupy approximately 50 petabytes. Think about that for a minute !!!

Facebook Grows By 8 people a second !

Each Facebook User Is Worth £4.52 in Earnings to The Platform

Facebook has over 350 million active users. More than 35 million users update their status each day, with more than 55 million status updates each day.

If Facebook were a country, it would be the fifth-largest country in the world,

The Police and UK Government Agencies, Including Department Of Work and Pensions use Facebook 

to investigate people.

The most popular person on Facebook :

Cristiano Renaldo with 120 million "friends"

Facebook friends

old and new

How many more can you

accrue

Virtual buddies

in cyber space

You'll never meet them

face to face

Stalkers, nutter's

Lot's of Ex's

Relationships killed

Battle of Sexes

Depression built

as you look at their view

Coz everyone seems

better than you.

And in the end what

does it matter

Real friends call

and have a natter !!

Neville 2017

Random Joke of the Day

I've just walked past a homeless guy with a sign that read: 'One day this could be you.' So I put my pound back in my pocket, just in case he's right.

Finish with a Song

This is Small Face(book)s With Lazy Sunday, released in 1968

Poem to my Boiler

In Today's Issue

A poem to my Boiler by Lynda McCraight
Central Heating Facts !??
Random Joke of the Day
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing
Contribute
Finish with a Song

Message to My Boiler – a Glow Worm on the Blink

I’m fed up with your inconstancy, blowing hot, blowing cold!

I can’t read you anymore.

Your toggles no longer respond to my touch.

I can flick a knob that gets you all hot and bothered, but

 One stroke too few and we’re reduced to the Arctic.

At night, when I’m relaxing in my room, I crave a little gentle heat. 

What do I get, honey?

Well, first you bake me, then you burn me, then I’m boiled.

Next you roast me, then you scorch me, till I’m broiled,

Seared like a chicken kebab.

Dry throat, dry eyes, dry nose.

I sweat and swelter and resort to stripping off.

Eventually, when the temperature’s lowered, you retreat

To your little cupboard, for an attack of the vapours.

 I spot the steam escaping from my outer wall.

You’re a schoolboy, caught smoking behind the bike sheds.

You emit your low, hissing sound all day long

And keep me awake at night, like no other man has.

In the morning, you shower me with tepid water, keeping all my ablutions to a minimum.

You may think all the power is yours, but -

 Just as I initially turned you on -

I can just as easily turn you off.

PING!

Facts About Central Heating

The earliest form of internal heating was in the form of hypocausts. Invented by the Romans back in 100BC, hypocausts were powered by an underground furnace fuelled by burning biomass. The heat rose to elevated floors and heated the tiles underneath. Due to the inefficiency of this method and the amount of manpower needed, hypocausts were generally restricted to the very wealthy and for public bath houses.

Fast forward to 18th century France. Jean Simon Bonnemain (1743-1830) invents the first closed water system to help ease food shortages. The toasty warm eggs upped the population of chickens and filled many empty stomachs.

Franz San-Galli patents the modern radiator in 1857. Many dispute his contribution to the invention.

Radiators are a lie. They warm a room using convection, not heat radiation.

Feel the need to flip on the thermostat come October 1st? So do you and thousands others. October 1st is Central Heating Day; the day where most people are likely to switch on their home radiators.

The advancements in modern heating mean that there are more and more outlandish radiators available on the market. Would you like your T-Rex radiator, in black or black?

The average London building has an internal temperature of 22⁰C, 4⁰C above the optimal temperature. 

Random Joke of the Day

My grandad always said 'don't believe everything you hear' It was great advice. Or was it?

That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing

Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them use to burn their houses down - hence the expression "to get fired."

Contribute

If you'd like to get your writing "out there" you can use the sidebar contact form to send me your work. It will reach a global audience of 3k people a week. Go for it !


Finish with a Song

Given the theme this is Billy Joel and We didn't start the Fire, released in 1989.

International Relax Day

In Today's Issue

International Relax Day
Top ways to Relax
Relax
Random Joke of the Day 
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing
Finish with a Song

International Relax Day

Stress, hustle and bustle....today is the day you give yourself a break and,,,,,,relax.
Even if it's just 5 mins treat yourself to do something you enjoy that takes you away from the daily grind.

So to give you a start below are some ideas to relax you !

Top Ways to Relax

1. Take a power nap. 
2. Take up a new project or craft hobby 
3. Drink some green tea (but make sure it's decaf). 
4. Heat relaxes muscles - so have a hot bath. 
5. De-clutter your home or work desk.
6. Go for a run outdoors - 20-minutes a day helps to boost endorphins and reduce stress.
7. Take a lunch break away from your desk - take a break from your to-do list.
8. Read a good book - You can find mine on Amazon ( Tales of the Unaccepted ) lol.

Relax

Can you relax?
Can you chill?
Without booze?
Or a small pink pill?

Can you float
away on a dream?
Is that as easy
As it seems?

We need some time
We need a rest 
We work to hard
We're all too stressed

And in the end
What do we achieve?
When we are dead
Who's left to grieve?

The ones that are left
Just want our time 
To leave too soon
Our final crime

So take care of you
You're one of a kind
Relax your soul
and ease your mind

Nev 2017

Just burnt my Hawaiian pizza. I should've put it on aloha temperature

The ampersand symbol is formed from the letters in et—the Latin word for "and."

Finish with a Song

Only one choice.....This is Frankie Goes to Hollywood with Relax, released in 1984

Love vs Lust

In Today's Issue

Lynda McCraight with Love and Lust
Love vs Lust
Top 10 Love Songs
Random Joke
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaazing
Finish with a Song

We sat beached whales on

That beach in Wales it was

That hot I felt that

Hot that

I had to kiss you

My arm snaked round your shoulder

My legs crossed I leaned in closer

My chest crushed

Your breasts first one

Then the other

Your knees parted ever so slightly

And allowed me in

Your lips parted really quite widely

And halloed me in

SUDDENLY –

Our tongues touched

And there was no stopping us

NOTHING could stop us

Your tongue became my tongue

Your mouth became my mouth

And we were DEVOURED

By a kiss

(it was bliss)
Lynda McCraight

Top 10 Love Songs of All Time (as voted by Time Magazine)

10 “At Last” by Etta James

9“ My Girl” by the Temptations

8“ Your Song” by Elton John

7 “One and Only” by Adele

6 “Something” by The Beatles

5 “Let’s Stay Together” by Al Green

4 “I Say a Little Prayer” by Aretha Franklin

3 “Unchained Melody” by The Righteous Brothers

2 “Wonderful World” by Sam Cooke

1 “God Only Knows” by the Beach Boys

They say education is the key to success. Wrong, look at Albert Einstein – he was a dropout. Yet he still ended up being the first man on the moon! 

Before settling on the Seven Dwarfs we know today, Disney also considered Chesty, Tubby, Burpy, Deafy, Hickey, Wheezy, and Awful.

Finish with Song

This is the number 1 love song in today's Top 10. This is the Beach Boys

with God Only Knows released in 1966