International Forgiveness Day

In Today's Issue

International Forgiveness Day
Forgive Me
Random Joke of The Day
Albert's Bit
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing
Finish with a Song

International Forgiveness Day

Forgiveness Day is a day to forgive and to be forgiven. 

So today take a time to forgive someone, after all, we are all, only human

Forgive Me

All my trespasses and those who
have trespassed against me
Forgive my unforgivable acts
I could always see

Sometimes my thoughts
are not quite my own
But him without sin
Well throw that hard stone

I have done awful things
and have punished myself
beyond anything metered out
jailed by mental health

I have ran, I have fled
I have fought, I have bled

But I never escape
The man in the mirror
My hopes and my dreams
Never get nearer

So I'll try and I hope 
And pray I will cope

So forgive my misdeeds
Lend me your prayer beads
And let me just live
and let live

Random Joke of the Day

I think my job interview to be a Bug Sorter went well. I boxed all the right ticks............

Now Albert's bit :-

Hello to all my human fans.....

Well this week I've started pooing on the bathroom mat.

I've seen Nev do it, so I thought it was probably the best place. Obviously, I didn't do it in the 

toilet as that's where I drink !

Nev seems pretty pleased as he picks it up and flushes it away. That's if he notices, the other day, for some reason he stood in it and then danced across the bathroom to the shower, very strange ! and

the language, well I can tell you, it turned my brown ears blue.

He muttered something about feeding me condoms, then on a morning it'll be ready bagged !!

Well gotta go now,..... Postman to catch and all that....

See you all soon !!

Albert x

That's Amaaaaaaaaaaazing

The medical name for your bum crack is......Intergluteal Cleft


Finish with a Song

This is Don Henley with Heart of the Matter, released in 1989

Dog Appreciation Day

In Today's Issue

Dog Appreciation Day
Albert
Doggy Facts
Random Joke of The Day
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing
Finish with a Song

Dog Appreciation Day

Man's Best Friend

Often known as man's best friend, dogs were the first animals to be domesticated by humans and they were often used for guarding property, herding stock, and for hunting game. Today, dogs are used as companions and are considered to be a member of the family in many parts of the world.

The unofficial holiday is also sometimes called World Dog Day, National Dog Appreciation Day, or International Dog Day.

How to Celebrate?

• Adopt a dog and give it a loving home.
• If you have a dog, treat them with their favourite treats.
• If you are unable to have a dog in your family, celebrate the day by donating your time and money to the local animal and dog shelter.

Albert

My furry best pal

who sits on my lap

brown eared but mostly white

My little chap

he has an eyepatch

but sails no sea

apart from the ones

He build from his pee

he growls and he snarls

He barks and he yips

and when the postman arrives

its the apocalypse

He annoys me sometimes

when he barks at the telly

and when he lets one go

It's silent but smelly

But I love my little dog

despite all his crimes

Because without him in my life

It would no longer rhyme

A portrait of my doggy, I did it with pastels and water colour,,,


Doggy Facts
(source cesarsway.com)

1. Your dog is as smart as a 2-year-old toddler.
   There’s a reason your tot and your pup get along so well: they speak the same language. Or at least, they likely understand roughly the same number of words and gestures — 250!
    
2. Dogs and cats both slurp water the same way.
   This may be hard to believe since dogs are such messy drinkers, but just like cats, our canine friends bend the tip of their tongue and raise liquid in a column up to their mouths.
    
3. Your dog does have a sense of time — and misses you when you’re gone.
   If you think your dog knows when it’s time for dinner or a walk, you’re right! Dogs pick up on our routines and habits, and they also sense how much time has passed. One study showed how dogs responded differently to their owners being gone for different lengths of time.
    
4. Your dog’s whiskers help him “see” in the dark.
   Okay, it’s not quite night-vision or a super power, but those whiskers pick up on even subtle changes in air currents, providing your pup with information about the size, shape, and speed of things nearby. This allows your dog to better sense approaching dangers or prey — even at night.
    
5. Dogs only have sweat glands in their paws.
   More specifically, they are found between their paw pads. That’s why it can help to wet the bottom of their feet on a hot day, and it’s also why dogs rely on panting as a means of cooling down.
    
6. On average, a dog’s mouth exerts 320 pounds of pressure.
   The tests were done on a German shepherd, American pit bull terrier, and Rottweiler. In comparison, human beings exert 120 pounds, white sharks exert 600 pounds, and crocodiles exert a whopping 2,500 pounds! Dogs also have ten more adult teeth than humans — 42 versus 32.
    
7. Your one year-old pup is as physically mature as a 15-year-old human.
   Of course, different breeds age a little differently. Large dogs age faster than small ones. 
    
8. Your dog’s sense of smell is 1,000 to 10 million times better than yours.
   Depending on the breed, your dog has between 125 million to 300 million scent glands — compared to only 5 million for humans. And the part of your dog’s brain that controls smell is 40 times larger than yours — that’s true, even though the canine brain is much smaller than the human, relative to size. A human’s brain is about 1/40th of their body weight while a dog’s brain is only 1/125th. Don’t feel too smug, though — an ant’s brain is 1/7th its body weight.
    
9. Dogs can hear 4 times as far as humans.
   Puppies may be born deaf, but they quickly surpass our hearing abilities. Dogs can also hear higher pitched sounds, detecting a frequency range of 67 to 45,000 hertz (cycles per second). The human range is from 64 to 23,000 hertz. In both dogs and humans, the upper end of hearing range decreases with age.
    
10. Your dog can smell your feelings.
    Your pup can pick up on subtle changes in your scent, which can help him figure out how you are feeling — such as by smelling your perspiration when you become nervous or fearful. It’s also likely how dogs can detect certain diseases or know that a household member is pregnant.

Random Joke of the Day

My mum walked in my room & said "You'll go blind if you do that" I was so embarrassed, I dropped my binoculars & missed the eclipse

That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing

Houseflies don’t allow their short lifespans (14 days) to hinder their musical abilities. They always hum in the key of F.

Finish with a Song

Given the theme this is the Baha Men and Who Let the Dogs Out, released
in 2000.

Facebook

In today's Issue

Facebook
Facebook Facts
An Ode to Social Media
Random Joke of the Day
Finish with a Song


Today I heard some really interesting facts about Facebook..
So I thought I'd look for some more !

The average user has 130 friends

The average number of friends on Facebook is 130, and women tend to have somewhat more than men. 

Over 25% of users have been dumped by their partner via Facebook

And even worse, via the "change of stasis" button !!!

Facebook doesn't allow breastfeeding photos

Facebook causes 1 in 3 Divorces

It used to be the tell-tale lipstick on the collar. Then there were the give-away texts that spelled the death knell for many marriages. But now one in three divorces involve the social networking site Facebook.

A staggering 80 per cent of divorce lawyers have also reported cases that use social media for evidence of cheating.

36% of users check Facebook, Twitter or texts after sex

A recent study suggested that social networks are becoming an increasingly important part of young people's lives. Among under-35s, 36% admitted to "tweeting, texting and checking Facebook after sex." Forty percent of respondents admitted to doing so while driving, 64% said they do so at work, and 65% use these communication channels while on holiday. I know that my girlfriend check hers during sex !!!!!!!!

Facebook stores approximately 300 PETABYTES of user data on its servers. 

There are 1 million gigabytes in a petabyte. The entire written works of humankind, in every known language (including Latin and other historical languages) from the dawn of recorded history, would occupy approximately 50 petabytes. Think about that for a minute !!!

Facebook Grows By 8 people a second !

Each Facebook User Is Worth £4.52 in Earnings to The Platform

Facebook has over 350 million active users. More than 35 million users update their status each day, with more than 55 million status updates each day.

If Facebook were a country, it would be the fifth-largest country in the world,

The Police and UK Government Agencies, Including Department Of Work and Pensions use Facebook 

to investigate people.

The most popular person on Facebook :

Cristiano Renaldo with 120 million "friends"

Facebook friends

old and new

How many more can you

accrue

Virtual buddies

in cyber space

You'll never meet them

face to face

Stalkers, nutter's

Lot's of Ex's

Relationships killed

Battle of Sexes

Depression built

as you look at their view

Coz everyone seems

better than you.

And in the end what

does it matter

Real friends call

and have a natter !!

Neville 2017

Random Joke of the Day

I've just walked past a homeless guy with a sign that read: 'One day this could be you.' So I put my pound back in my pocket, just in case he's right.

Finish with a Song

This is Small Face(book)s With Lazy Sunday, released in 1968