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Showing posts with label blog. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blog. Show all posts

Sunday 10 September 2017

Swap Ideas Day




In Today's Issue

Swap Ideas Day
My Ideas
Did you know? creative ideas
Random Joke of the Day
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing
Contribute



Swap Ideas Day

This is the day for us to share and swap ideas and concepts. 

Some ideas are practical some are more abstract, whatever they are they are great to share if only to check their effectiveness.

This site is a great place to share your writing work and ideas and I am more than happy to help you develop that work.

To contribute just use the contact button on the side.




Ideas

Ideas in my head
They bobble around
Mixed with pictures
Sights and sounds

I hear a phrase
I hear a word
I let them fly
My idea bird

A man walks past
in too tight genes
What's his story
Could it mean.....

A woman with 
an ugly dog
Think in digital
or analogue?

So I write them down
for later use
For they will be used
In something obtuse




Did you Know?  Creative Ideas

72% OF PEOPLE HAVE CREATIVE INSIGHTS IN THE SHOWER


THE INTROVERTS ARE ONTO SOMETHING: SOLITUDE IS WHERE CREATIVITY THRIVES


TRYING NEW THINGS MAKES YOU MORE CREATIVE


TRAUMA HAS HIDDEN CREATIVE PROPERTIES


DAYDREAMING IS SURPRISINGLY GOOD FOR YOUR BRAIN


SOME OF THE BEST IDEAS ARE WIDELY RIDICULED BEFORE THEY’RE REVERED





Random Joke of the Day

"I'm sorry," said the barman, "we don't serve time travellers." 

A time traveller walks into a bar.




99.9% of your DNA is identical to that of everyone else in the world.





So, if you've got some writing or poetry you'd like to share to a GLOBAL audience. 

Then submit via the side button. Get you work read !!

Go on, have a go...









Wednesday 6 September 2017

Read a Book Day


In Today's Issue

Read a Book Day
My Book - Sneak Preview
Did you know? - Reading a Book
Random Joke of the Day
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaazing
Finish with a Song




Read a Book

Today's the day to pour yourself your favourite beverage, get comfy and immerse yourself in a good book.


Research has shown that reading can have several health and social benefits. Frequent readers tend to have lower stress levels than non-readers. In addition, reading can stimulate brain activity and improve memory. Socially, reading can reap a lot of benefits - well-read people tend to be more empathetic and aware of societal ills and differences.
Reading can also improve critical thinking and comprehension skills and can make people better writers.
So READ !





This is my latest book, available now on Amazon, check out the 5 Star reviews.

I have another book out this December, title to be confirmed, but here is an extract from, working title "Woolworth's Fine Dining"



Jack, at first, felt no trepidation about being alone and unable to see where his mother had gone.
He would look for her in a bit. He walked over to the middle of the store where stood a huge escalator, its teeth eating up the floor. Above it was a list of levels and their various departments. To Jack they looked like the destination boards used at airports, he could just imagine a week's holiday in Abi Dashery. There were six floors in total ranging from Homewares to Soft furnishings. But it was one level that immediately caught Jack's eye, so much so, that any thought of his mother paled into insignificance. Right there on floor 6, just by the side of, Store Restaurant was, TOYS.


Jack stepped onto the escalator; he marvelled at its robotic movement as it rose him up to the next floor, how the steps formed from nothing into large metal boxes to fade away again and be
sucked in by the flat floor. He ran around only to see it re-forming another ladder up to the next level.

Finally, he was approaching the sixth floor; it slowly appeared before his eyes like a developing picture, pixel by pixel and then here it was Nirvana.

Jack had no idea where to start, there were rows upon rows of action figures, construction toys, cars, guns, robots, in the corner of his eye he glimpsed dolls, he shuddered, "I'll keep away from that section" he mumbled to himself.

                                                                      ***

If Jack had owned a watch or had, to be honest, any concept of time, he would, perhaps be thinking to himself about where his Mum was or even, what time this store closes. He didn't, and he wasn't. It was 4.55; the store closed, as most did in the 1970’s, at 5.30.


                                                                       ***


Jack's first port of call was the action figure aisle. The only versions he'd ever had of these were the ones passed onto him by his brothers, all were imperfect soldiers, and he supposed like real survivors of battles, his artificial Infantry also had missing limbs. The ones in front of him,
though, were perfect. Raw recruits in his personal fantasy war, he could almost hear them, barking confirmation of orders that he had given. The cacophony of missiles and gunfire echoing around as his men stood steadfast against impossible odds, and, of course, always victorious.

He could do no more than fantasising at the moment, as each action figure was tightly bound in the lover's embrace of their individual cardboard coffins. Jack was only 12, but he knew that to open the boxes was wrong, but not for the store, they were just the faceless peddling pimps of these dreams in plastic. No Jack felt for the end recipient of these soldiers, although he'd never had anything remotely new for himself, he would never rob the joy of packaging opening to any child, that slightly panicky joy when a present is received for the outer peel to be shredded to find the fruit.

Jack turned away from the army in front of him, slightly saddened, he was immediately cheered by the sight of a massive model train display.

It was 5.25.

                                                                           ***


Jack was transfixed, Lilliputian trains chugged around a perfectly formed world. The whole display was mounted upon a decorated display box, made to look like a grass foundation. The array itself was about eight-foot square. There were towns, stations and bridges perfectly formed and in scale with the puffing trains. Tiny people frozen in place waiting for their tiny trips, it seemed to Jack that one click of his fingers would bring them out of their suspended animation.

"THIS STORE IS NOW CLOSING; PLEASE MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE EXIT"

A cardiac stab hit Jacks, heart, he whirled and sprinted to the escalator. They were turned off.

                                                                      ***


The escalator that, only minutes before was a gliding stairway now looked like a craggy cliffside, all metallic teeth and large drops, he'd have a problem getting down that safely he thought. He looked around for an alternative, STAIRS TO ALL FLOORS; he made his way to the far side of the toy department.

"Hello sssssonny "a serpentine voice stopped him in his tracks, he turned to see the figure of a store security officer, his incredible height was only eclipsed by his thinness. So thin he nearly

wasn't there, thought Jack. Dressed in black with a peaked hat he looked like a shadow waning in the evening sun.

"I'm just heading out" answered Jack, "well good luck withthth that" smiled the guard, "the doors are locked now", and as if to reinforce this fact, he jingled the keys attached to his belt, the store jailer thought Jack.

"Oh sorry, can you let me out" Jack was aware of the slight panic in his voice.

"Well that all depends ssssssonny" once again that rasping lisp, "will you pay ththththe toll? "

At twelve years old, although Jack had lived in his lovely cosseted life and had no real concept of such things, he suddenly felt a panic enveloping him as if now he was prey.

The security guard loomed over him, and Jack could swear he was starting to drool. Just like the girl downstairs on the "Pick and Mix" he looked……hungry.

Jack didn't even think he just reacted; he kicked the guard hard on the shin. The man shouted in pain, and it was at that moment that Jack's world changed, forever.


                                                                        ***


It was now 5.50 and the people rushing home outside the store were all wrapped up in their pre-occupation, even if they could hear through the insulated walls and thick reinforced glass, would any of them react to the screams of a young boy?

                                                                         ***

What, at that precise moment made Jack scream, was the man's teeth. They looked like needles dipped in egg yolks, yellow and greasy. This his sanity could take, it was the sheer number of them. He seemed to have hundreds and, in that split second he had seen them all in their horrific carnivore horror. You see they didn't just cover his gums; they seemed to run all the way down his throat. Jack wondered if the man's stomach lining was a mass of chomping enamel fangs, and in that final glimpse, the break from reality, what made Jack really cry in terror, was the man's tongue, it was a mass of erupting ulcers, undulating and popping, tiny volcanos of rancid infection

Jack spun on his heels and ran; he had no idea where he was going to go, anywhere as long as it was away from that monstrosity. He stumbled blindly aware that all the time the guard was calling him "Don't be sssssssilly ssssson, there's nowhere to go, and I've got the keys, come on pay thththe toll…."


Jack found himself in the toy section again. Now the lights had been mainly extinguished for the end of the working day. The only real light in this dimly lit area came from the miniature train set, cheerily chugging around its plastic world. Jack made for it, he could perhaps hide behind its structure, and the little light it cast could help him spot his pursuer. He squatted down, panting in shock and the exertion of running.

He felt the hot squirt of urine in his Y-fronts as the hand shot out from below the display and grabbed his ankle.






Did you know? - Reading a Book

1. Reading can help prevent Alzheimer’s.


2. Being a reader means you’re more likely to learn something new every day.




3. People who read are more likely to vote, exercise, and be more cultural. ( well 2 out of 3 )

4. Reading can be therapeutic.


5. Reading enhances your memory.


6. Reading actually does make you seem sexier, especially to women. ( I am saying nothing! )



7. Reading helps to boost your analytical thinking.


8. Reading expands your vocabulary, so you’ll sound like a genius.


9. Fiction books increase your ability to empathize with others.


10. People who read are more likely to get ahead when it comes to their careers, and life in general.






My insomnia is awful. But on the plus side – only three more sleeps till Christmas. 



In Japan you are more likely to be struck by lightning than you are being shot by a gun !!

Finish with a Song

This is Elvis Costello with Everyday I write a Book released in 1986



Sunday 27 August 2017

International Forgiveness Day







In Today's Issue

International Forgiveness Day
Forgive Me
Random Joke of The Day
Albert's Bit
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing
Finish with a Song




International Forgiveness Day

Forgiveness Day is a day to forgive and to be forgiven. 

So today take a time to forgive someone, after all, we are all, only human

Forgive Me

All my trespasses and those who
have trespassed against me
Forgive my unforgivable acts
I could always see

Sometimes my thoughts
are not quite my own
But him without sin
Well throw that hard stone

I have done awful things
and have punished myself
beyond anything metered out
jailed by mental health

I have ran, I have fled
I have fought, I have bled

But I never escape
The man in the mirror
My hopes and my dreams
Never get nearer

So I'll try and I hope 
And pray I will cope

So forgive my misdeeds
Lend me your prayer beads
And let me just live
and let live




Random Joke of the Day

I think my job interview to be a Bug Sorter went well. I boxed all the right ticks............



Now Albert's bit :-




Hello to all my human fans.....
Well this week I've started pooing on the bathroom mat.

I've seen Nev do it, so I thought it was probably the best place. Obviously, I didn't do it in the 
toilet as that's where I drink !

Nev seems pretty pleased as he picks it up and flushes it away. That's if he notices, the other day, for some reason he stood in it and then danced across the bathroom to the shower, very strange ! and
the language, well I can tell you, it turned my brown ears blue.

He muttered something about feeding me condoms, then on a morning it'll be ready bagged !!

Well gotta go now,..... Postman to catch and all that....

See you all soon !!


Albert x




That's Amaaaaaaaaaaazing

The medical name for your bum crack is......Intergluteal Cleft


Finish with a Song

This is Don Henley with Heart of the Matter, released in 1989



Saturday 26 August 2017

Dog Appreciation Day




In Today's Issue

Dog Appreciation Day
Albert
Doggy Facts
Random Joke of The Day
That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing
Finish with a Song

Dog Appreciation Day



Man's Best Friend

Often known as man's best friend, dogs were the first animals to be domesticated by humans and they were often used for guarding property, herding stock, and for hunting game. Today, dogs are used as companions and are considered to be a member of the family in many parts of the world.
The unofficial holiday is also sometimes called World Dog Day, National Dog Appreciation Day, or International Dog Day.

How to Celebrate?

  • Adopt a dog and give it a loving home.
  • If you have a dog, treat them with their favourite treats.
  • If you are unable to have a dog in your family, celebrate the day by donating your time and money to the local animal and dog shelter.





Albert

My furry best pal
who sits on my lap
brown eared but mostly white
My little chap

he has an eyepatch
but sails no sea
apart from the ones
He build from his pee

he growls and he snarls
He barks and he yips
and when the postman arrives
its the apocalypse

He annoys me sometimes
when he barks at the telly
and when he lets one go
It's silent but smelly

But I love my little dog
despite all his crimes
Because without him in my life
It would no longer rhyme




A portrait of my doggy, I did it with pastels and water colour,,,


Doggy Facts
(source cesarsway.com)



  1. Your dog is as smart as a 2-year-old toddler.
    There’s a reason your tot and your pup get along so well: they speak the same language. Or at least, they likely understand roughly the same number of words and gestures — 250!
     
  2. Dogs and cats both slurp water the same way.
    This may be hard to believe since dogs are such messy drinkers, but just like cats, our canine friends bend the tip of their tongue and raise liquid in a column up to their mouths.
     
  3. Your dog does have a sense of time — and misses you when you’re gone.
    If you think your dog knows when it’s time for dinner or a walk, you’re right! Dogs pick up on our routines and habits, and they also sense how much time has passed. One study showed how dogs responded differently to their owners being gone for different lengths of time.
     
  4. Your dog’s whiskers help him “see” in the dark.
    Okay, it’s not quite night-vision or a super power, but those whiskers pick up on even subtle changes in air currents, providing your pup with information about the size, shape, and speed of things nearby. This allows your dog to better sense approaching dangers or prey — even at night.
     
  5. Dogs only have sweat glands in their paws.
    More specifically, they are found between their paw pads. That’s why it can help to wet the bottom of their feet on a hot day, and it’s also why dogs rely on panting as a means of cooling down.
     
  6. On average, a dog’s mouth exerts 320 pounds of pressure.
    The tests were done on a German shepherd, American pit bull terrier, and Rottweiler. In comparison, human beings exert 120 pounds, white sharks exert 600 pounds, and crocodiles exert a whopping 2,500 pounds! Dogs also have ten more adult teeth than humans — 42 versus 32.
     
  7. Your one year-old pup is as physically mature as a 15-year-old human.
    Of course, different breeds age a little differently. Large dogs age faster than small ones. 
     
  8. Your dog’s sense of smell is 1,000 to 10 million times better than yours.
    Depending on the breed, your dog has between 125 million to 300 million scent glands — compared to only 5 million for humans. And the part of your dog’s brain that controls smell is 40 times larger than yours — that’s true, even though the canine brain is much smaller than the human, relative to size. A human’s brain is about 1/40th of their body weight while a dog’s brain is only 1/125th. Don’t feel too smug, though — an ant’s brain is 1/7th its body weight.
     
  9. Dogs can hear 4 times as far as humans.
    Puppies may be born deaf, but they quickly surpass our hearing abilities. Dogs can also hear higher pitched sounds, detecting a frequency range of 67 to 45,000 hertz (cycles per second). The human range is from 64 to 23,000 hertz. In both dogs and humans, the upper end of hearing range decreases with age.
     
  10. Your dog can smell your feelings.
    Your pup can pick up on subtle changes in your scent, which can help him figure out how you are feeling — such as by smelling your perspiration when you become nervous or fearful. It’s also likely how dogs can detect certain diseases or know that a household member is pregnant.



Random Joke of the Day

My mum walked in my room & said "You'll go blind if you do that" I was so embarrassed, I dropped my binoculars & missed the eclipse



That's Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing

Houseflies don’t allow their short lifespans (14 days) to hinder their musical abilities. They always hum in the key of F.

Finish with a Song

Given the theme this is the Baha Men and Who Let the Dogs Out, released
in 2000.

Friday 25 August 2017

Facebook


In today's Issue

Facebook
Facebook Facts
An Ode to Social Media
Random Joke of the Day
Finish with a Song


Today I heard some really interesting facts about Facebook..
So I thought I'd look for some more !


The average user has 130 friends

The average number of friends on Facebook is 130, and women tend to have somewhat more than men. 

Over 25% of users have been dumped by their partner via Facebook

And even worse, via the "change of stasis" button !!!

Facebook doesn't allow breastfeeding photos

Facebook causes 1 in 3 Divorces

It used to be the tell-tale lipstick on the collar. Then there were the give-away texts that spelled the death knell for many marriages. But now one in three divorces involve the social networking site Facebook.

A staggering 80 per cent of divorce lawyers have also reported cases that use social media for evidence of cheating.

36% of users check Facebook, Twitter or texts after sex

A recent study suggested that social networks are becoming an increasingly important part of young people's lives. Among under-35s, 36% admitted to "tweeting, texting and checking Facebook after sex." Forty percent of respondents admitted to doing so while driving, 64% said they do so at work, and 65% use these communication channels while on holiday. I know that my girlfriend check hers during sex !!!!!!!!

Facebook stores approximately 300 PETABYTES of user data on its servers. 

There are 1 million gigabytes in a petabyte. The entire written works of humankind, in every known language (including Latin and other historical languages) from the dawn of recorded history, would occupy approximately 50 petabytes. Think about that for a minute !!!

Facebook Grows By 8 people a second !

Each Facebook User Is Worth £4.52 in Earnings to The Platform

Facebook has over 350 million active users. More than 35 million users update their status each day, with more than 55 million status updates each day.

If Facebook were a country, it would be the fifth-largest country in the world,

The Police and UK Government Agencies, Including Department Of Work and Pensions use Facebook 
to investigate people.

The most popular person on Facebook :

Cristiano Renaldo with 120 million "friends"









Facebook friends
old and new
How many more can you
accrue

Virtual buddies
in cyber space
You'll never meet them
face to face

Stalkers, nutter's
Lot's of Ex's
Relationships killed
Battle of Sexes

Depression built
as you look at their view
Coz everyone seems
better than you.

And in the end what
does it matter
Real friends call
and have a natter !!

Neville 2017



Random Joke of the Day



I've just walked past a homeless guy with a sign that read: 'One day this could be you.' So I put my pound back in my pocket, just in case he's right.


Finish with a Song

This is Small Face(book)s With Lazy Sunday, released in 1968